So I’m what most Bengalis call, a probasi bangali. Loosely translated, it means “Fake Bengali”. Every year when I travel to Calcutta (I refuse to write it as Kolkata), I’m usually the subject of super scrutinizing relatives / neighbors / random people on the road who are always like “Your Bengali is not not fluent or You don’t look like a Bengali or You don’t like Dada (Saurav Ganguly) and so on. Yes, it’s irritating as hell. I wanted to use f***, but then I decided against it. Oh wait, I just did, so SCORE!
Anyhow, the last time my brother and I went to Calcutta, we decided to go the full mile. We decided to talk only in Bengali to everyone. When I say everyone, I mean EVERYONE.
The results were of course insanely hilarious.
Location: KFC, City Center II, Rajarhat (New Town), Calcutta.
*Both of us walk to the counter*
Me: Dadabhai! Kemon acho? (Wassup, how are you?)
KFC Guy: Bhaloi acchi sir! (I’m good too)
Me: Amake ek balti bhaja murgi aar oi maach paorooti ta deen (Give me one bucket of fried chicken and one Fish-o-Fillet)
*At this point, the KFC is not sure whether we’re f***ing with him or just being ourselves*
KFC Guy: Chicken tah te kon flavor chaan? (Which fried chicken do yo want?)
Me: Arre! Oi purono cornel e recipe tah deen! (Give me Old Colonel’s Recipe)
KFC Guy: Errrrr…. Theek aache? Kichu drink korar jonne chai? (Want something to drink?)
Me: Haan, oi lebur soda tah acche? Oita deen! (What I meant to say was, yes give me Sprite. What I said was, give me that lemon soda)
*My brother is laughing uncontrollably*
KFC Guy: Ok. Aapnar bill hochhe 500 taka. (Ok, your bill is 500 bucks)
Me: Matro? Theek achhe! (That’s it?)
KFC Guy: Aapna ra ki Kolkata theke? (Are you from Kolkata?)
Me: Haan! Kolkata teh jonmiye chi aar puro jibon katiye chi! (Yes, I was born in Kolkata and I’ve lived here my whole life)
KFC Guy: Thank you for visiting KFC. Please come again.
Me: Dhoonobaad! Ami already come kore niyechi! (Thanks, I’ve already come!) (It’s a double meaning, I ain’t gonna explain it)
KFC Guy: Errrrrr……
*Our sides are aching from all the trolling*