Love Hurts…No..Love Bites!

About two years back, I had gone to Gokarna with my (now ex) girlfriend and her best friend. Since it was only the three of us, we decided to share a room. Before any of you can go *bow-chicka-bow-wow*, let me clarify – Nothing happened.

Anyways, on the journey back, the seats on our bus were riddled with bed bugs and by the time we got back to Bangalore, all our exposed areas ( mostly arms and back) were covered with nasty bed bug bites.

I wore a half sleeve shirt to my office that day.

*My colleague, JD walks upto me*

JD: So dude, I heard that you went to Gokarna with two hotties! Is that true?

Me: Yeah. That’s true!

JD: That’s sexy dude! So f***ing sexy! 

Me: Hahaha… Relax…..

JD: So did you get any? Let me guess, you had a threesome! Right?

Me: No man…. Nothing happened.

JD: Did you share a bed?

Me: Yeah, the bed was big.

JD: Man, I knew it! You player!!

Me: Dude! Believe me! Nothing happened!

*He looks at my bed bug bites*

JD: Oh..My..God! Look at those hickeys! 

Me: Huh? What?

JD: How do you explain those hickeys!

Me: Dude! These are bug bites man! Bed bugs! The bus was full of them!

JD: No way man! No way! 

Me: Oh lord! Why is it so hard for you to believe that nothing happened? 

JD: You went to Gokarna with two hotties, you shared a bed with two hotties and you come back with hickeys to prove that you got some action. Man, you’re a poon hound man!

Me: Dude! These are not hickeys! These are bug bites!

JD: I wasn’t born yesterday, you know… I know a hickey when I see one.

Me: Well, these are hickeys, why would they be on my arms? My frigging arms! It would be on my neck or something!

JD: I dunno… Maybe those hotties had some crazy fetish?

Me: Well, no. And if you think these are hickeys, I have no idea to which whore house you’ve been to, because these are not HICKEYS!

JD: Hahaha… Nice try, you stud! 😉

 

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PS: Nothing happened!

 

Keep Your Hands To Yourself!

NK, CG and I were chatting about the various occasions on which MS had got random drunk people to our apartment. Yes, it’s creepy and dangerous but MS did it anyway and he always had an excuse for it.

Me: Remember that time when he had got some DJ home? That was awkward!

CG: Yeah, that guy was so stoned!

NK: This is creepy man!

Me: Nothing tops the time, when he had got three drunk gay guys home!

NK: Seriously?!!!

CG: Yup! And they weren’t the classy types who would compliment you on your clothes. These ones were more like, ‘Hey, wanna bang?’ types!

NK: Sh*t! But why did he get them home?

Me: Well, apparently he was depressed and he went to a local bar to down a couple of pegs. The next table had those three guys and they were chatting in Tamil. So MS understood their jokes and started drinking them and then invited them home for some more drinks.

NK: Whoa….Crazy… How’d you know that those guys were gay?

Me: Well, they were planning to leave but MS insisted that they stay the night. After that one of them asked him if he would be interested in a threesome.

NK: Then….?

Me: Then MS politely refused and said that though he respected gay people, he wasn’t interested in having sex with men.

NK: Creepy sh*t I tell you… Creepy sh*t!

Me: Imagine my horror! I has just gone to bed and I got a text from MS saying:

Dude, bolt your room door. Those guys sleeping outside are gay.

Me: I was like, ‘Dafaq was he thinking!’. Anyways, those guys left early in the morning. Nothing happened, but it was some crazy experience. 

NK: Yeah….. But you guys are lucky you know. At least, gay guys ask you if you’re interested. Lesbians….Man they just grope!

Me: Say what.?

NK: Lesbians man! If they get into a crowd, they grope women!

Me: No way! Really?

NK: I’ve got my a** grabbed a couple of times by lesbians!

Me: Oh…..My…..God! That’s…So….Wonderful!

NK: Ehhhhhhh….. One pervert only you are!

 

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