The Downside Of Upside!

The Le Gf and I were having a random conversation.

Le Gf: What do you think will happen if we broke up?

Me: I dunno… Would be awkward I guess..

Le Gf: Why?

Me: Well, we have loads of mutual friends. You get along with all my friends; you’re good friends with most of them. So it would be awkward if they had to choose sides.

 Le Gf: Well, all that won’t matter to me…

Me: Why so?

Le Gf: When I break up with someone, I just cut all contacts with that person, social circle, etc..

MeUh…Huh… Dramatic much?

Le Gf: I’m like this only… When I break up with someone, I’ll just disappear from their life… No drama… No nothing….

Me: Oh my god! That’s the sweetest thing I’ve heard!

Le Gf: Eh?

Me: No drama, no nothing… It’ll be so peaceful!

Le Gf: You bitch!

Me: 😛

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One Of A Kind!

At JK’s place.

JK: Dude! It’s 9 pm! Where’s everyone?

Me: On their way I guess…

JK: Fine…. Where’s your girlfriend?

Me: Out for a movie. 

JK: With whom? 

Me: No idea…

JK: Which movie?

Me: No idea…

JK: Which movie hall?

Me: No idea…

JK: What time does the movie get over?

Me: No idea…

JK: Dude! How come you don’t know any of this?

Me: No idea…

JK: What kind of a boyfriend are you?

Me: No idea….

JK: That’s cool dude! This is what I like about you!

#highfive

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It’s All About Love!

DB, JK, BG and me were having a discussion on relationships.

DB: JK, how come you don’t have a girlfriend? 

JK: Because I don’t want one.

DB: Why not?

Me: Let’s me explain that to you….

DB: Go on…

Me: Women like JK as a booty call. They can’t stand his stupidity. So they call him, sleep with him and then disappear for weeks till it’s again time for another booty call. 

JK: Chu….

DB: Hahahaha! Is this true?

Me: Ofcourse it is! Plus it works out well for JK. No commitment, no emotions involved and he doesn’t even have to lie to get them into bed. 

JK: See, that’s the good part! 

Me: Exactly! Basically women love using him and he loves getting used!

DB: Jeez! So you sleep with anyone who wants to sleep with you?

JK: Well….

Me: Ofcourse! This is JK we’re talking about. You’d think he’s got any standards? 

JK: Hello! That’s under the belt ok?

Me: This is how JK scopes out his women. 

1. He walks upto them.

2. Question 1: Are you a woman? 

3. Question 2: Have you always been a woman? 

If any one of the questions is a yes, JK is good to go!

DB: Really?

JK: Yeah…. Pretty much!

DB: You guys! God!

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Le Girlfriend Strikes Back!

I received a mail from Le Gf.

 

Sheher Mein ek kaali raat ko…
Amavasya ke samai…
Ghor kalyug ke beechon beech…
Ek ladka, ek ladki ko bolta hai..
 
Boyfriend : Baby I’m drunk B-)
Girlfriend ( chance pe dance ) : Say something mushy no! <3
Boyfriend (drool) : Have you eaten at Lazeez?
Girlfriend : Jeez, Bangali ko haan bolne se pehle sochna chahiye tha!
True Story.

Me: Lol! What dude?

Le Gf: Story of my life maccha!

Me: #facepalm

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Him? Of All People?

So we were having a house party at JK’s house. JK’s date was this uber-gorgeous babe who was DTF (if you don’t know the meaning of DTF, google it).  Anyhow, I had to leave early because I was just back from an office BBQ and after having 10 rounds of whiskey, a couple of swigs of champagne and a few gulps of wine, I wasn’t exactly in the mood to party. Also, three rounds of Old Monk at JK’s place was not helping me to stay awake either.

So anyhow, by the time I decided to leave, JK was holding hands with the above mentioned DTF chick and was slow dancing. It was definitely weird to watch an usually loud-as-shit JK do all this lovey dovey stuff but I was sure that he would seal the deal that night. Else, that would have been the biggest KLPD on this planet.

*Next day*

Me: Yo!

JK: Yo!

Me: So did you seal the deal?

JK: Hell yeah!

Me: Phew!

*Gory details and 15 mins later*

JK: So guess what?

Me: She’s got a boyfriend?

JK: Yup!

Me: And I’m guessing that it’s a long distance?

JK: Yup!

Me: She’s going to get married to him?

JK: Yes!

Me: So this is a one-last-fling-before-marriage types?

JK: Seems like that! So I don’t have to worry about commitment and shit!

Me: Coolio!

*Later that day, talking to my gf*

*Yes, read that line again*

*I’ve a gf now*

*High five*

 Me: Guess what?

Le Gf: He slept with her?

Me: Yeah…. But guess what?

Le Gf: What?

Me: That chick has got a bf, long distance and is going to get married to him.

Le Gf: What? Why?

Me: What why?

Le Gf: So why did she sleep with JK then?

Me: One last fling, I guess?

Le Gf: I can actually sympathize with her….

Me: You do?

Le Gf: Yeah, I totally get it. 

Me: Okies….

Le Gf: But I don’t get one thing…

Me: What?

Le Gf: Why JK of all people?

Me: As in?

Le Gf: She wanted a fling right? 

Me: Yeah?

Le Gf: So why JK of all people. I mean this city is full of good looking, sophisticated men and she had to choose a douchebag like JK? Like seriously? 

Me: Cos her standards are low?

Le Gf: Hahahaha…. Jeez, we’re such evil people!

Me: Totally!

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How Not To Get Married In 10 Days!

Same sh*t, Different day.

Mom: You’ll be 27 this year!

Me: So I’ve heard…

Mom: What are your plans regarding marriage?

Me: I’m gonna be like Hugh Hefner. Different girls every day!

Mom: I’m serious!

Me: Fine! I’ve no plans as of yet!

Mom: By what age do you want to settle down?

Me: I guess around 30.

Mom: 30??!!

Me: Yes…

Mom: That’s too late! It should be 28 at the outset!

Me: Why?

Mom: Also, you need to start searching now!

Me: Why?

Mom: Ufff! If you start searching now, only then you can settle by 28!

Me: Why?

Mom: You’ll meet people one by one, then you’d have to select them, then spend some time with them, see if you like them or not. All this takes time. It’s not like you’re going to marry the first person you meet.

Me: Point.

Mom: See, you should listen to me!

Me: So you know the type of girl I’m looking for, right?

Mom: Yes, that ridiculous list of yours!

Me: Good. You can start searching and let me know if anything good comes by!

Mom: What?!!

Me: Yeah, spread the word through your friends network!

Mom: Why should I search?

Me: Because you’re the one who wants to see me married so badly!

Mom: You want me to search and pick a woman for YOU with whom YOU will spend the rest of YOUR life?!

Me: Exactly!

Mom: Get lost! You stay unmarried then!

Me: And that is the end of our discussion!

Mom: @%@#%! Kids these days!

 

bitch please

 

The Problem With Us Men…

I hate how our minds are always wired to think that women out there are dying to be at our feet. Of course, the results are often hilarious.

Scene #1:

A hot chick is looking at us.

Expectation:

“Oh yeah, that chick digs me!”

Reality:

She is just looking in our direction. Chances are that she doesn’t know even that we exist.

the-big-bang-theory-gif

Scene #2:

A hot chick is smiling at us.

Expectation:

“Oh yeah, she’s ready to jump into bed with me!”

Reality:

She is smiling just because it’s polite to smile. That’s it! No hidden agenda, nothing.

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Scene #3:

She says, “Let’s go somewhere quiet”.

Expectation:

“Awwwright, making-out time”

Reality:

She wants to have a conversation in peace. Period.

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Bloody KLPD right? And they say that only women read in-between the lines.