East or West, Marry First!

My team was out for a coffee break when the office creep decided to join us. For some reason we started talking about homosexuality.

Colleague: So OC, you’re gay right?


Colleague: You sure?


Colleague: But you like lesbian porn?

OC: Yes!

Me: Isn’t that double standards?

OC: How so?

Me: You don’t like gay men but you like lesbian porn.

OC: That’s correct.

Colleague: You know that chick, RL. The one who works in our office?

OC: Yeah…

Colleague: She’s a lesbian. She sleeps with other women.

OC: That’s wrong!

Colleague: Uh…Huh… Because they aren’t married?

OC: Yes! Also pre-marital sex is wrong!

Colleague: Because?

OC: It’s wrong to have to sex before marriage

Me: So, if you a beautiful girl walks upto you and says that she wants to sleep with you, you’ll say no to her?

OC: I’ll marry her first and then have sex with her.

Colleague: Why would she marry you in the first place?

OC: Because after marriage, I’ll sign over my bank account and property in her name.

Me: So basically you’ll luring her with money… Like prostitution?

OC: No, how’s this prostitution?

Me: Because, you’re telling her that you’ll give her money if she sleeps with you!

OC: But I’m marrying her no!

Colleague: What if, she sleeps you and then disappears the next day?

OC (scoffing): Like that will ever happen!

Colleague: If it does, then what?

OC: It’s fine, as long as she has sex with me.

Everyone: Jeez! So if it just boils down to sex, you might as well sleep with girls without marrying them!

OC: No, I’ll NOT have sex before marriage.

Me: You know why we call you the office creep right?

OC: Errrrr….. 


No Tissue, No Issue!

I was at a popular pub, when I happen to overhear this conversation from the table next to mine. There were about six people, three guys and three girls. They were discussing about whether your bride should be a virgin or not at the time of marriage.

Guy#1: Call me old fashioned, but I would want my wife to be a virgin!

Girl#1: You’re such a hypocrite! You have slept with other women, but you want your wife to be a virgin!?

Guy#2: The rules are different for guys, ok? In our society, women who have pre-marital sex are looked down on.

Girl#2: That’s so archaic! In this day and age, everyone has pre-marital sex! Besides, what does it matter whether the girl is a virgin or not?

Guy#3: I second with Guy#1! I don’t want to get the feeling that someone has already slept with my wife.

Girl#1: That’s so chauvinistic! If you’re so concerned that whether she’s slept with someone before you, just don’t ask.

Girl#2: Besides, why is that if men sleep with many girls, he’s branded a stud but if a woman sleeps around with many men, she’s branded a slut! Why are there double standards?

Guy#3: You see, Confucius once said: “If a single key can open many locks, it’s a master key. But if a single lock can be opened with many keys, it’s a shitty lock”!

*The guys high five each other. The women look annoyed*

Girl#1: Oh please, Confucius didn’t say anything like that.

Girl#2: You guys are such chauvinistic pigs!

*At this point, Girl#3, who was silent all this while, bangs the table*

Guy#1: Dafaq woman! You almost spilled my beer!

Girl#3: Why are you guys making such a big issue about a tissue? Relax guys.

*I’m sipping my beer, listening to the whole conversation*

 Me (to myself): Whoa mama! Cheers to that! 




To Tap Or Not To Tap?

My friend CR is a very old fashioned woman. She is vehemently against pre-marital sex and she rains hell on those who dare to sing the glorious songs about the joy of sex in front of her.

We were having a chat about something  when our friend HP decided to join our conversation. HP is 19 years old and had recently joined a prestigious city college, known for its abundance of beauty on its campus (The female kind of beauty, not the nature kind. In case you were wondering).

HP: Man, so many hotties in my college! So many to tap!

CR: What? Tap? Seriously? Is that how you treat women?

HP: Chill woman, It’s just tapping. Nothing serious!

CR: Just tapping? Seesh, you’re just 19 years old! I’m gonna tell your mom!

Me: Chill CR. HP, did you really tap a chick?

HP: Errrrr….

CR: Well?

Me: Well, if you did, then – RESPECT TO YOU!

(We bump fist)

CR: Stop corrupting him! He shouldn’t be thinking about ‘tapping’ at this age! He should concentrate on his studies!

Me: Relax CR! Not everyone decides to wait like you. You’re 27 and you still haven’t done it! Your first time is going to be so awful! 

CR: Oh please! Big deal. My fiance is 32 and he hasn’t tapped anyone either! In fact he doesn’t even know how to kiss! I had to teach him! 

(HP and I double up in laughter)

Me: That’s too much information! 

HP: You both are made for each other. 

Me: Your first night together is not going to go well. Both of you will be wondering what goes where!

HP: Oh yeah! I can totally see that happening!

Me: While choosing music for the occasion, ensure that you choose a live album. That way you’ll get an applause every five minutes! 

HP: Amen to that!

CR: Oh please! We’ll just watch porn and figure it out! Alright? Now lets drop the subject!

(My sides start aching from all that laughing)

Me: Did you really say porn? This just keeps on getting better!