Our office had recently adopted a kitten. I was on leave on the day that it had happened. When I went to office the next day, I was very surprised to hear that she was named Mia Khalifa. Yes, you read that right.

Me: So you guys named the cat Mia Khalifa?

LB: Yeah… She’s Wiz Khalifa’s cousin, right?

Me: Well…

DB: Of course, she is!

Me: Yes, I had forgotten!

LB: I like that name…

Us: *suppressing laughter* Okies! 

*After 30 mins*

LB: Wait a min! WB come here!

WB: What?

LB: I know who Mia Khalifa is!

WB: Wiz Khalifa’s cousin!

LB: She’s a pornstar!

WB: The worlds best pornstar!

LB: Arrrrghhh!

Me: You really didn’t know who Mia Khalifa was?

LB: No!

Me: You must be living under a rock!

LB: Chu…


Wanna see the little monster?



Down The Mammary Lane…

DB’s got a habit of addressing me as “My Man” and “My Main Man”. The new kid in the office, MMC hadn’t quite gotten used to that.

DB: My man!

Me: Yo!

DB: My main man!

Me: Oh yeah!

*High five*

MMC: What did you say?

DB: My main man!

MMC: What?

DB: My main man!

MMC: My mamme?

DB: Hahaha! 

Me: What the….. 

MMC: What? You guys are the ones screaming out mamme!

DB: Hahahahaha!

*If didn’t get the joke, look up mamme 😉 *



The Party For The Undead!

All of us from office had gone out for lunch. On the way back, a hearse was passing by. Now, I’m not sure whether all hearses are like this or it’s just limited to Southern India, but this was the one with the body in a tempo van, followed by a bunch of people playing drums, dancing, drinking and bursting crackers.

Anyhow, DMM was with us and he got super excitement look at the hearse and the parade around it.

DMM: Man, this looks like a trippy party!

All of us: Uh…huh…

DMM: I just wanna party like that!

All of us: Uh…huh…

DMM: Just walking on the streets, drinking, dancing and what not!

All of us: Uh…huh…

DMM: Just listen to the music! 

All of us: Yeah we can hear it and if you haven’t realized, they are holding up the traffic.

DMM: Imagine.. You’ll be having fun while everyone else will be just stuck in their cars!

All of us: Uh…huh…

DMM: We should do something like this for office!

All of us: Like what?

DMM: You know…. Hire a van, stock it with booze and we drive around town. We can even dance on the streets!

All of us: You want that for the office?

DMM: Yes!

All of us: You know that was a hearse, right?

DMM: Oh… Was it?

All of us: Yes! What did you think was in the van? 

DMM: Booze and food?

All of us: The body, dude!! The dead body!

DMM: Oh…. Awkward.. 




Dude Writes Like A Lady!

DJ was coming to office late for the past few days. His usual excuse was that 1) He couldn’t hear his phone alarm ring and 2) His phone’s battery died.

Tired of the excuses, someone kept an alarm clock on his table with this message.


*Later in the day*

DJ: Who kept this here?

Me: No idea…

DJ: Hmmmm.. I wonder who?

Me: Well, the handwriting looks feminine, so I’m guessing it was probably LB.

DJ: Yeah… Could be… She’s been hinting at it.

*NMD was passing by at moment*

NMD: Thanks a lot, a**holes!

Us: Eh?

NMD: I heard what you guys said!

Me: What did we say?

NMD: That I write like a girl!

Me: Well…. You kinda do… So…

NMD: Chu…

that awkward moment

Tastes Like Pink – 2

DJ was conspicuously missing from office for the past few days. To get to the bottom of his disappearance I decided to give him a call.

Me: Oye!

DJ: Hey!

Me: Why have you been bunking work?

DJ: F***er! I never bunk office! I’m really sick!

Me: What are you with sick with?

DJ: Food poisoning!

Me: Oh really?

DJ: Yeah!

Me: What have you been eating?

DJ: Bread and curd for the past two weeks. Before that, I have no idea.

Me: Yeah… You were probably eating some bad pussy!

DJ: No man! It’s been a few months since I ate that! The last few times it was on the menu but I stayed away because it was raining!

Me: You male chauvinistic pig!

DJ: What sh*t!

Me: You only take and you never give!

DJ: I give occasionally. It makes me appreciate my generosity more…

Me: Hahahaha… What sh*t!

DJ: Sort of like Jesus during the last supper!

Me: B*tch please! Now you going overboard!

DJ: No ways!

Me: Stick to being Johnny Bravo!

DJ: Archer!

Me: Done.

DJ: Done.

Me: Chu…..


The Power Of No!

It was a hectic Wednesday. We had a couple of client briefs to crack (briefs, as in the problem statement, not the underwear) and it was already 7 pm. Accounts Manager, AB drops by our table and announces that he’s got two meetings lined up for us the next day. Which meant that we had to ideate and prepare a presentation from scratch.

AB: Guys!

Us: What?

*Us, as in the creative team*

AB: So there are two more meetings lined up for tomorrow!

Me: What? Why?

AB: We’ve a lingerie client and an e-commerce client on our radar now!

Me: Dude! It’s 7 pm, we had just cracked five client briefs and my head hurts now.

AB: C’mon man! The meeting is tomorrow!

Me: My point exactly! We’ve already have three meetings scheduled for tomorrow and two for the day after tomorrow! And you happened to add two more meetings for tomorrow, without even asking us. How are we going to prepare?

AB: Look! I understand, but I’ve been chasing these clients for a while now and tomorrow is the only day, that they are free.

Me: So?

AB: I don’t know! Pull a late-nighter with the team and come with something. It’s lingerie man!

Me: You know what’s a better solution?

AB: What?

Me: Re-schedule the client meetings!

AB: No way! Tomorrow is the only slot that I’ve got free and besides the client might say no to re-scheduling.

Me: How about you MAKE them take a no for an answer?

AB: Errrr…. What?

Me: The power of no, man! Make them take a NO for an answer! It works wonders!

AB: You’re joking right?

Me: No man! Totally serious!

AB: Chu….

Me: You’re the one who asked for it!



Let Your Elbows Do The Talking!

Lady boss and I were discussing about stretching. She turned out to be more flexible than me, since she does yoga.

Me: Fine! I give up! You’re more flexible than me!

Lady Boss: Woohoo!

Me: But….

Lady Boss: What?

Me: Can you lick your elbows?

Lady Boss: What?

Me: Can you lick your elbows?

Lady Boss: I dunno… Lemme try….

*Tries licking her elbows*

*Me and WB are ROLF-ing*

WB: I can’t believe you fell for that… No one can lick their elbows!

Lady Boss: What? What cheap antics!

Me: That’s nothing, you should walk upto busty women in bars and ask them if they could touch elbows behind their backs!

Lady Boss: Wow… Really? So cheap!

Me: People fall for it all the time!

Lady Boss: No way! Women aren’t that dumb. They know when they are being taken for a ride!

Me: They fall for it, ALL THE TIME! Here, I’ll show you!

*Call out to a female colleague*

Chick #1: Yeah?

Me: Can you make your elbows touch behind your back?

Chick #1: Let me try!

*She goes on for about two – three minutes*

Lady Boss: Oh god! What are you doing?

Chick #1: Trying to make my elbows touch each other behind my back!

Lady Boss: These guys are doing it so that they can see your boobs!

Chick #1: Huh? What? Damn!

*Me and WB are ROLF-ing even more*

Me: See, I told you, chicks fall for it.

Lady Boss: That was a fluke!

Me: Fine… I’ll prove it!

*Call out another female colleague from a different room*

Chick #2: What?

Me: Can you make your elbows touch behind your back?

Chick #2: Let me try!

*She does the same thing*

Chick #2: Oh wait! You guys are so cheap! I know what you’re trying to do!

*Even more ROLF-ing*

Chick #1: Atleast you figured it out! I entertained them for about five minutes without even realizing!

Lady Boss: Fine! You guys made your point! Cheapskates!

Me: Woohoo!