Happy Fathers Day!

No, this blog post isn’t about actual Fathers Day.

*At Café Mondegar*

*A table nearby was occupied by a couple that looked like a father with his daughter*

*After two pitchers of beer each*

Me: Oh.. That’s nice…

Lady Boss: What’s nice?

Me: That table over there….

Lady Boss: What about it?

Me: It’s nice to see a father and his daughter spending some time together…

*Lady boss starts sniggering*

Me: What?

Lady Boss: You really think that a father and a daughter?

Me: Why? What else could it be?

Lady Boss: Well….

Me: Go on…

Lady Boss: Husband and wife?

Me: She looks too puny to be his wife, especially for a guy that old…

Lady Boss: Girl with her sugar daddy?

Me: Really? That really happens?

Lady Boss: Ofcourse! It’s Mumbai! Everyone’s loaded!

Me: Hmmmmm…. Could it be that, it’s his secretary and he’s dining her?

Lady Boss: Very much possible or it could be…

Me: An escort? A girlfriend experience?

Lady Boss: Very much possible!

Me: Bleh! You’re drunk! So am I! There’s no way that lady is over 21 years old!

Lady Boss: Fine… Whatever you say…

*After getting a look at her, when she passed me by while I was at the jukebox*

*Yes, they had a jukebox*

Me: Alright… You were right!

Lady Boss: About what?

Me: That woman over there not being his daughter!

Lady Boss: Why?

Me: I got a look at her. She’s not a kid or short. She’s a puny full grown adult!

Lady Boss: Told ya!

Me: Fine…

Lady Boss: It was so adorable that you thought that they were father-daughter to begin with! Hahahaha!

Me: Eh…?

shocked_joey_friends

For The Love Of Belgium!

AB and I were chilling at the Barking Deer Brewpub, near Lower Parel.

*Watching Football on the TV*

AB: What league is this?

Me: It says Liga BBVA. So, I’m guessing that it’s the Spanish League.

AB: Ah ok… Which league is better?

Me: As in?

AB: You know, the English League or the Spanish League?

Me: I don’t think you can compare like that…

AB: Why not?

Me: Because all the leagues have a different style of playing. So you really can’t compare. That’s why you have the Champions League, to find the best football club in Europe.

AB: Hmmmm… Alright… So which one is your favourite?

Me: The German league…

AB: Is it?

Me: Yeah…

AB: So why you aren’t drinking German beer?

Me: Eh?

#Facepalm moment#

AB: Well…?

Me: By that logic, my favourite league should be the Belgian league…

AB: They have a football league in Belgium?

Me: #Faceplam

*Two Strikes*

*In his defence, we were one litre of beer down each*

chris_tucker

Being Begusarai…

AB and I were travelling around the city in a cab. We kept on seeing hoardings for a new channel called &TV and one of their shows was called Begusarai.

The hoarding was in Hindi.

AB: What is the name of the show?

Me: Begusarai.

AB: What does it mean?

Me: I dunno. Just the name of the show, I guess…

AB: But it’s has to mean something right?

Me: I dunno, maybe it’s the name of one of the lead characters.

AB: Man, how come you don’t know the meaning?

Me: Look who’s talking?

AB: I can read Hindi ok?

Me: Fine, whatever.

*AB turns to the driver*

AB: Bhaiya, who Tv show ka naam kya hai? (Bro, what’s the name of that TV show?)

Driver: Beguasarai…

AB: Uska matlab kya hai? (What does that mean?)

Driver: TV show ka naam hai.. (It’s the name of the TV show)

AB: Errrrrr…. Ok…. Thank you!

Me: Told you!

AB: This is not over!

Me: Chu….

futurama-hypnotoad-gif

 

 

The Mumbai Trip!

These were the highlights of my Mumbai trip. Or rather, what I learnt from my first trip to Mumbai.

  • When you’re flying out on a Monday morning, be prepared to see a crowded airport, because everyone flies out in the morning. Especially if the security likes to screw with you.
  • After landing in Mumbai, I realized that any car can be made into to a taxi. After seeing only Fiats or Ambassadors as the usually yellow black cabs, this just messed with my head! They had Santro’s, Alto’s, Maruti 800’s. Man, respect gone out the window for these cars!
  • Mumbai is full of towering skyscrapers. Period. Don’t try to crane your neck to see all of them. There are just too many to count.
Worli Mumbai

A view of Worli from the Bandra Sea Link

Lower Parel

A view of the office towers at Lower Parel

 

  • Regardless of what people say, Bangalore weather is waaaaay better than Mumbai weather.
  • Don’t underestimate the power of back alleys. Like seriously! We reached from Worli to Lower Parel in jiffy, thanks to them.

 

This is a time lapse video I while going through some back alley in Worli

  • Just because you cross the roads in Bangalore like you DGAF, don’t try this stunt here.
  • Roads are just as bad here as well. Well, except maybe town side.
  • Janta’s and Toto’s are way better places to hang out than Hard Rock Café or TGI Friday’s.
Cafe Mondegar

The walls at Cafe Mondegar was painted by Maria Miranda

Toto's Garage

Shouting Toto’s is perfectly fine here!

Leopold Cafe

Places with such rich history

 

  • Anything or everything sold on the street as food will be served with Shezwan sauce. Try it at your risk.
  • It’s always ok to do touristy stuff. Like standing outside Amitabh Bachhan’s house or clicking a selfie at Worli Sea Face.
Worli Sea Face

Like taking a selfie at the Worli Sea Face

 

Anyhow, it was a fun trip. Every night we would finish work by 9 pm and then head out to town. 🙂

 

Lost & Found

LKB calls me up after hearing that I’ll be in Mumbai in the coming week.

LKB: Hey!

Me: Wassup?

LKB: Listen….

*20 mins later*

*Yes, he talks that much*

LKB: So, the real reason I called was for…

Me: Finally… Go on….

LKB: I think I left my jacket at your place when I had stayed over.

Me: No, you didn’t.

LKB: You sure?

Me: Yes and that was almost five months ago, you’re asking me this only now?

LKB: Well… Yeah… I had to go to a fancy dinner, so wanted to wear my jacket. When I couldn’t find it, I assumed that I had left it at your place!

Me: Seeesh…. Anyhow, you did leave your sunglasses behind…

LKB: I did?

Me: Yes.

LKB: I had sunglasses?

Me: Yes, you f***tard.

LKB: Which one?

Me: That brown colour Fastrack one!

LKB: Oh yeah…. I thought I had lost those!

Me: Wow… You also left your portable mobile charger.

LKB: Really?

Me: Yup…

LKB: Awesome! Could you bring them along with you when you come here?

Me: Why should I? How do you end up leaving things back when you travel?

LKB: Sh*t happens… Besides, I’ll always have you to bring it for me!

Me: Do I look like a butler to you?

LKB: Sure, while we’re at that, I’ll be Batman!

Me: *facepalm*

7SsbNYn (1)

 

Forever Alone!

My friend LKB was coming to town for the weekend.

LKB: Yo!

Me: What?

LKB: I’m coming to Bangalore for the weekend!

Me: Awesomeness!

LKB: Yeah! It’s been ages since I got out of Mumbai!

Me: Cool…. What do you wanna do while you are here?

LKB: Ummmm…. Let’s go out partying and get shit-faced!

Me: Sounds good! I’m in!

LKB: And meeting some hotties wouldn’t be a bad idea either….

Me: Hahahaha! Why dude?

LKB: Yeah, there’s a paucity (fancy a$$ word for less) of chicks in my life… So, yeah..

Me: Hahaha!

LKB: What?

Me: When were you ever knee deep in babes?

LKB: Chu….

Me: 😛

bitch-please-robert-downy-jr-meme-gif

 

The Sexy Scam

While returning from Goa, I decided to take a bus back to Bangalore. While I was on Redbus.in, I was confused as to which bus to take, so I went with the Kadamba Transport Corporation Ltd (Goa state owned) bus. To catch that bus, I needed to reach Kadamba Bus Stand in Panjim.

I reached there about one hour in advance and while I was waiting on the platform, a fellow passenger struck up a conversation with me.

Him: So are you taking a bus from here?

Me: Yes, that’s why I’m here.

*He was reeking of what I think was alcohol*

Him: Ok.. These bus guys are complete cheats!

Me: Why?

Him: Yesterday, I came here with my ticket and when I reached my bus, they told me that my ticket is not valid. That’s unfair! My ticket cost me 45 bucks! Now I don’t have any money and I spent the night on the platform.

Me: Ok.

Him: It’s not like I’m asking people from money, I’ve a brother working in America.

Me: Ok.

Him: Now I don’t know how I’ll get back home!

Me: Uh.. Huh…

Him: I’m a painter. I paint buildings. I go where ever there is work. My brother from America got me a job here. Now the job is complete. I need to go to the next place.

Me: So you travel all the time?

Him: Yes, I go where ever there is work. 

Me: Where to next?

Him: Mumbai, but I don’t have any money to travel.

Me: Ok. 

HimI’m not asking people from money, I’ve a brother working in America.

Me: You mentioned that before. 

Him: After Mumbai, I need to go back home to Kerala. Lots of places to travel. But no money.

Me: So you’re from Kerala?

Him: Yes! (No trace of an Malayalee accent)

Me: Where in Kerala?

Him: Tljljdaaslh…… 

Me: Say what?

Him: Errrr…. That place where that has a big ‘Birla‘ factory.

Me: Uh…… Huh….. Which district?

Him: Errrrrr…. I…. Ummmm…. That place with the Birla factory. My shanty is next to the factory wall.

Me: Sure… Why not?

Him: Yes, my house is there. You can ask anyone about that factory.

Me: You want money for the ticket?

Him: Oh? Thank you! But it’s not like I want to take money from you, I’ve a brother in America.

Me: You do the brother story with everyone don’t you?

Him: Huh? Of course not! I’ve a brother there. I can show you his visiting card, but my belongings got stolen last month.

Me: You’re trying to scam me into giving you money, aren’t you?

Him: What? Me? Of course not!

Me: Buddy, walk the f*** away or else I’m calling that cop standing there!

*He ran away before you could say House MD*

Me: F***ing d***!

 

like-a-boss-meme

PS: The bus was sh*tty. They don’t provide neither a blanket (A/C Bus) nor a water bottle. And they stop at a really shady mess for dinner break.