Mom Knows Best…Like Really!

I’m at the dinner table and I’ve got the case of hiccups. Real bad ones.

Mom: The hiccups sounds bad.

Me: Tell me about it!

Mom: By the way, blah aunty called. 

Me: And?

Mom: Nothing much, general gossip. 

Me: Ah ok…

Mom: She also said that she spotted you near INOX last week and you were getting cozy with two women…

Me: Say whaa….?

*My mind started racing. I was at INOX last week with two women but I wasn’t anywhere near getting cozy with them*

*I heart was beating fast, like a criminal in the hot seat*

Me: I don’t know what she was talking about!

Mom: You sure?

Me: Yes!

Mom: She was really convinced that it was you!

Me: I doubt that, maybe she saw someone who resembled me…

Mom: Maybe….

Me: Yeah…

Mom: By the way, how are your hiccups? 

Me: It’s gone!

Mom: You’re welcome! 

Me: Ah! I see what you did there! 


No Country For Vegetarians

On my birthday, I treat I’m forced to treat my friends. The difference being, instead of taking them out to a pub, I get to call them home and treat them to delicious home cooked meal. My mom is a great f***ing awesome cook. And my friends love her cooking as well.

On one such occasion.

Me: Ma, I need to treat my friends for my birthday. 

Mom: Alright, no problem. But you need to do all the shopping.

Me: Sure. I’ll take take of that.

Mom: So, who are all coming? 

Me: The usual gang, plus MS and CG.

Mom: Alright. What dishes do you want me to make. 

Me: Same thing that you make every year. Biriyani, mutton, chicken, prawn and fish fry. 

Mom: Phew, that’s a relief!

Me: And paneer and gobi (cauliflower) for CG and MS.

Mom: Why especially for them?

Me: Because they are vegetarians..

Mom: Omg, now I have to cook for them too.  Extra work for me. 

Me: Big deal. It’s just two dishes.

Mom: No. I’ll have to make dal and something dry as well. It’s not like they can eat the……. Oh wait, now I have make veg pulao for them too!

Me: Or just plain rice?

Mom: Nah, that won’t look good… You know that, don’t call them. Simple.

Me: Hahahahaha! Right!

Mom: I’m serious…

Me: Errrr…..

*Later that week*

CG: Hey! When’s your birthday treat?

Me: Ummmmm…. Not happening..

CG Why not?!

Me: Logistical issues.

CG: Like what?

Me: My mom doesn’t wanna cook vegetarian food, so…..

CG: Say what? No vegetarian food? This is OUTRAGEOUS!

Me: Errrrrr…..




Photo courtesy: Micheal Murphy.