Run Dude, Run!

I used to think that I could strike up a conversation with a random stranger anywhere. Sadly, I’ve realized that I can do that only do that when I’m drunk.

Sucks, doesn’t it?

Scene: Lunchtime, at McDonalds.

I was sitting all alone and having lunch when this gorgeous lady joins me at my table. We ate our lunch in complete silence, looking everywhere except at each other. To be honest, I tried to make eye contact, smile and start a random conversation, but yeah, that plan failed miserably. So I resigned to my fate and ate my lunch in complete silence. Before leaving, I thought I should tell her that it was the most awkward lunch I’d ever had.

*I get up*

Me: Yeah, that was the most awkward lunch I’d ever had! 

Lady: Eh? 

Me: I said, “this is the most awkward lunch I’d ever had”!

Lady: Who? Whaaaa? 

Me: Shit! 

Lady: Excuse me?

*Time to run*

*I was out of there before you could say egg-foo-yung*

Later that day.

Me: Ok Google.

Phone: Yes?

Me: Note to self. 

Phone: Go on..

Me: Never ever ever try to a make a conversation when sober!

Phone: Right back at ya!

 

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Stahp Right There!!!

Meet my friend BV. Most people who’d meet him, would describe him as a moron. But not me, no sire no. I was always intrigued by his child-like sense of wonder and always pondered whether or not he was dropped on the head as a child.

Scene #1

BV: What’s with that you’ve got with your roti?

Me: That’s a lemon wedge.

BV: Why you have that? 

Me: To mix it with dal.

BV: Why?

Me: Because it tastes good.

BV: Why?

Me: Errrr….

Scene #2

*Walking down the street on a sunny day*

BV: Dude!

Me: Yeah?

BV: Why you sweating?

Me: Ummmm, because it’s sunny?

BV: But I thought people don’t sweat in Bangalore?

Me: Ummmm, It’s summer and we’re out in the open.

BV: But people don’t sweat in Bangalore right?

Me: Errrrr…..

Scene #3

*Eating lunch the local McDonalds*

BV: What’s that you’re eating with your burger?

Me: Fries.

BV: Fries? Interesting. What are they made up of?

Me: Potatoes.

BV: Wow. Sounds good. What are you dipping them in?

Me: Ketchup.

BV: Why?

Me: Because it tastes good.

BV: How?

Me: Errrrrrrr….

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