The Age Conundrum

Alcohol Level: 200 ml of Bacardi Breezer with 60 ml of Tequila and Smirnoff.

The f*** up thing about being 27 is that, you can date women who are above a certain age. For example, when you’re 21, you could date a 18 year old because the generation gap isn’t much and you probably just finished college as well. So both of you would enjoy the same things, such as getting smashed on the weekends and the weekdays. When you’re 25, you move the lower limit to 23 because you’d want to date someone who’s working as well. Both of you would have the same interests, which would include going out and actually doing things rather than just getting smashed otherwise.

At 27, if you were to date anyone below 24, you’d have no idea about what the latest fad is or the lingo is and you will come across as an ancient relic while hanging out with her friends. While good music for you would be Metallica, Guns n’ Roses etc, she would be into Nicki Minaj and all those one hit wonder skanks. You know what I’m arriving at, right?

Now time for the blog post.

Venue: At SV’s wedding.

Yes, that douchebag actually got married, to his best friend, nonetheless. Their love is a typical textbook one. They met in college and they became friends. He used to bang half of Chennai and she knew about it all. Then they grew closer post college and finally started dating when he joined her in Germany where she was pursuing her MBA. (I wonder why use the word ‘pursuing’. I mean, it’s not like she followed the MBA degree across continents and all. We could might as well use the word ‘doing’ or ‘studying’. #JustSaying).

LKB was eyeing a couple of hotties at the wedding. This was a TamBrahm wedding. So you couldn’t really walk upto them and start talking. Anyhow, after Le Gf got tired of LKB’s spineless approach, she decided to take matters into her own hands.

She walked upto to those hotties. The rest is… Continue reading!

Le Gf: Hi!

Hot Chick#1 & Hot Chick#2: Hi!

Le Gf: So…. My friend has been wanting to say hi for while….. So yeah… LKB!

Hot Chick#1 & Hot Chick#2: Hehehehehehee…!

*Yes, they giggled*

LKB: Eh….. Hi!

Hot Chick#1 & Hot Chick#2: Hi!

LKB: Hi, I’m LKB. You are?

Hot Chick#1 & Hot Chick#2: Hi, I’m S***** and this is D******!

LKB: Oh, nice! You have the same name as the bride!

Hot Chick#1 & Hot Chick#2: Hehehehehehe!

LKB: So, whose side are you on?

Hot Chick#1 & Hot Chick#2: Errr?

LKB: I meant the brides or the grooms?

Hot Chick#1 & Hot Chick#2: Oh, we’re friends of the bride’s sister!

LKB: Oh nice…..

Hot Chick#1 & Hot Chick#2: 🙂

LKB: So what do y’all do?

Hot Chick#1 & Hot Chick#2: Well, both of us are in our first year of B.Sc.

LKB: Oh…… That’s….Nice….. #FML

*I enter the scene*

Me: Hey!

Hot Chick#1 & Hot Chick#2: Hi!

Me: I don’t think we’ve met… I’m the dude!

Hot Chick#1 & Hot Chick#2: Hi, I’m S***** and this is D******!

Me: Oh, same name as the bride…. Nice!

Hot Chick#1 & Hot Chick#2: Hehehehe! We know!

Me: So… Brides side or the grooms?

Hot Chick#1 & Hot Chick#2: Brides!

Me: What do y’all do?

Hot Chick#1 & Hot Chick#2: We are currently in college. First year! 😀

Me: Oh….. That’s super! Ooops, I’m getting a phone call…. Be right back!

Hot Chick#1 & Hot Chick#2: 🙂

*Later*

Me: WTF, dude? They are underage! 

LKB: I know, right?

Me: Couldn’t you have found someone our age who likes to get smashed drunk?

LKB: 🙁

*Le Gf appears*

Le Gf: What are you both talking about?

Me: Nothing!

Le Gf: Where are those two babes both of you were talking to?

Me: Underage! That’s what happened!

Le Gf: Sigh, you uncles! 

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East or West, Marry First!

My team was out for a coffee break when the office creep decided to join us. For some reason we started talking about homosexuality.

Colleague: So OC, you’re gay right?

OC: NO! I’M NOT!

Colleague: You sure?

OC: YES!

Colleague: But you like lesbian porn?

OC: Yes!

Me: Isn’t that double standards?

OC: How so?

Me: You don’t like gay men but you like lesbian porn.

OC: That’s correct.

Colleague: You know that chick, RL. The one who works in our office?

OC: Yeah…

Colleague: She’s a lesbian. She sleeps with other women.

OC: That’s wrong!

Colleague: Uh…Huh… Because they aren’t married?

OC: Yes! Also pre-marital sex is wrong!

Colleague: Because?

OC: It’s wrong to have to sex before marriage

Me: So, if you a beautiful girl walks upto you and says that she wants to sleep with you, you’ll say no to her?

OC: I’ll marry her first and then have sex with her.

Colleague: Why would she marry you in the first place?

OC: Because after marriage, I’ll sign over my bank account and property in her name.

Me: So basically you’ll luring her with money… Like prostitution?

OC: No, how’s this prostitution?

Me: Because, you’re telling her that you’ll give her money if she sleeps with you!

OC: But I’m marrying her no!

Colleague: What if, she sleeps you and then disappears the next day?

OC (scoffing): Like that will ever happen!

Colleague: If it does, then what?

OC: It’s fine, as long as she has sex with me.

Everyone: Jeez! So if it just boils down to sex, you might as well sleep with girls without marrying them!

OC: No, I’ll NOT have sex before marriage.

Me: You know why we call you the office creep right?

OC: Errrrr….. 

Troll-Face-Dancing

Him? Of All People?

So we were having a house party at JK’s house. JK’s date was this uber-gorgeous babe who was DTF (if you don’t know the meaning of DTF, google it).  Anyhow, I had to leave early because I was just back from an office BBQ and after having 10 rounds of whiskey, a couple of swigs of champagne and a few gulps of wine, I wasn’t exactly in the mood to party. Also, three rounds of Old Monk at JK’s place was not helping me to stay awake either.

So anyhow, by the time I decided to leave, JK was holding hands with the above mentioned DTF chick and was slow dancing. It was definitely weird to watch an usually loud-as-shit JK do all this lovey dovey stuff but I was sure that he would seal the deal that night. Else, that would have been the biggest KLPD on this planet.

*Next day*

Me: Yo!

JK: Yo!

Me: So did you seal the deal?

JK: Hell yeah!

Me: Phew!

*Gory details and 15 mins later*

JK: So guess what?

Me: She’s got a boyfriend?

JK: Yup!

Me: And I’m guessing that it’s a long distance?

JK: Yup!

Me: She’s going to get married to him?

JK: Yes!

Me: So this is a one-last-fling-before-marriage types?

JK: Seems like that! So I don’t have to worry about commitment and shit!

Me: Coolio!

*Later that day, talking to my gf*

*Yes, read that line again*

*I’ve a gf now*

*High five*

 Me: Guess what?

Le Gf: He slept with her?

Me: Yeah…. But guess what?

Le Gf: What?

Me: That chick has got a bf, long distance and is going to get married to him.

Le Gf: What? Why?

Me: What why?

Le Gf: So why did she sleep with JK then?

Me: One last fling, I guess?

Le Gf: I can actually sympathize with her….

Me: You do?

Le Gf: Yeah, I totally get it. 

Me: Okies….

Le Gf: But I don’t get one thing…

Me: What?

Le Gf: Why JK of all people?

Me: As in?

Le Gf: She wanted a fling right? 

Me: Yeah?

Le Gf: So why JK of all people. I mean this city is full of good looking, sophisticated men and she had to choose a douchebag like JK? Like seriously? 

Me: Cos her standards are low?

Le Gf: Hahahaha…. Jeez, we’re such evil people!

Me: Totally!

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Cocky Me, Not So Cocky You!

I’ve been told that on numerous occasions that, at times, after a few rounds of booze I can be a big dic male genitalia.

Scene #1

PBA: Dude!

Me: What?

PBA: I’ve removed you from my friends list on Facebook!

Me: Really? Since when?

PBA: A few months back!

Me: Ah ok….
PBA: Because you’re an assh*le at times.

Me: Alright fine…

PBA: Hmmm…

Me: For the record, I never noticed because I don’t follow you on Facebook!

PBA: !@#!@!

Me: Touche!

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Scene #2

On my parents anniversary.

Mom: Where’s our gift?

Me: What gift?

Mom: Our anniversary gift!

Me: Ah ok…

Mom: What ok? Where is it?

Me: You’ll get it soon.

Mom: How soon is soon?

Me: Soon!

Mom: You never get us anything!

Me: I’m staying with you all no? What greater gift can it be?!

Mom: *#$%!

Me: 😀

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Scene #3

After a night of debauchery.

Me: Dude!

TM: What?

Me: Your friend ZB is such an ass! He was f***ing up my entire trip last night!

TM: So?

Me: Jeez! So get don’t get him to my place anymore!

TM: Why?

Me: Because he’s such a prick!

TM: No, you’re just pissed off because you just met someone who’s equally cocky as you!

Me: Nothing like that!
TM: The taste of your own medicine sucks, doesn’t it? 😛

Me: F*** Off!

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How Not To Get Married In 10 Days!

Same sh*t, Different day.

Mom: You’ll be 27 this year!

Me: So I’ve heard…

Mom: What are your plans regarding marriage?

Me: I’m gonna be like Hugh Hefner. Different girls every day!

Mom: I’m serious!

Me: Fine! I’ve no plans as of yet!

Mom: By what age do you want to settle down?

Me: I guess around 30.

Mom: 30??!!

Me: Yes…

Mom: That’s too late! It should be 28 at the outset!

Me: Why?

Mom: Also, you need to start searching now!

Me: Why?

Mom: Ufff! If you start searching now, only then you can settle by 28!

Me: Why?

Mom: You’ll meet people one by one, then you’d have to select them, then spend some time with them, see if you like them or not. All this takes time. It’s not like you’re going to marry the first person you meet.

Me: Point.

Mom: See, you should listen to me!

Me: So you know the type of girl I’m looking for, right?

Mom: Yes, that ridiculous list of yours!

Me: Good. You can start searching and let me know if anything good comes by!

Mom: What?!!

Me: Yeah, spread the word through your friends network!

Mom: Why should I search?

Me: Because you’re the one who wants to see me married so badly!

Mom: You want me to search and pick a woman for YOU with whom YOU will spend the rest of YOUR life?!

Me: Exactly!

Mom: Get lost! You stay unmarried then!

Me: And that is the end of our discussion!

Mom: @%@#%! Kids these days!

 

bitch please

 

Moms Will Be Moms!

So I was telling my mom about the events of the The Great Golden Goose Chase.

Me: It was so funny to watch NM and JK! SH and I were standing in a corner and laughing!

Mom: So? Atleast those guys tried no? Couldn’t you have picked up a girl?

Me: Huh? What?

Mom: Instead of standing in a corner and laughing, you should have picked up a girl!

Me: For what?

Mom: To love her and then marry her!

Me: Jeez! No way!

Mom: Why not? Get married soon! 

Me: Not this sh*t again! 

*I leave the room*

Mom: This conversation isn’t over!!!

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