Sarcasm Is My Second Language!

Day: Friday

Time: 6:00 pm

CG and I are just back from Benito’s. (It just sounds classy, it’s basically Casa Piccola, under new owners)

Me: Can’t wait to gorge on this yummy club sandwich!

CG: Hahaha, you’re hungry, aren’t you?

Me: Yup, since 9 am!

CG: Me too!

Me: Can you get the ketchup from the kitchen? 

CG: Sure!

*After 5 mins*

CG: I can’t find it!

Me: You sure?

CG: Yup! 100% sure!

Me: Sh*t! Let me search!

*We spent the next 30 mins, searching the for the elusive sauce bottle*

*Literally 30 mins. I had to microwave my sandwich after this*

Me: F*** dude! I just bought this ketchup! Don’t tell me that it’s over! 

CG: Maybe…..?

Me: Dude! Dafaq man! I just bought it on Wednesday! 

CG: Ummmmm, no idea..

Me: Wait! Wasn’t MS and his friend whoring the ketchup last night?

CG: Maybe…….?

Me: Fine, I’ll ask him!

*Later that evening*

Me: MS! Where’s the ketchup bottle?

MS: It got over yesterday.

Me: Dude, seriously?

MS: Yeah man!

Me: Dafaq! I bought it on Wednesday!

MS: No idea how it got over…

Me: Did you like, make Tomato Rice with it? 

 MS: Dude, you don’t use ketchup while making Tomato Rice! 

CG: Ummmmm, that was him being sarcastic…

MS: Oh…. Ok….

Me: You’re drunk, aren’t you? 

MS: Yeah…….

Me: Nevermind… F***face!

MS: Say wha……

Me: Nothing….

MS: I see…..

 

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Stahp Right There!!!

Meet my friend BV. Most people who’d meet him, would describe him as a moron. But not me, no sire no. I was always intrigued by his child-like sense of wonder and always pondered whether or not he was dropped on the head as a child.

Scene #1

BV: What’s with that you’ve got with your roti?

Me: That’s a lemon wedge.

BV: Why you have that? 

Me: To mix it with dal.

BV: Why?

Me: Because it tastes good.

BV: Why?

Me: Errrr….

Scene #2

*Walking down the street on a sunny day*

BV: Dude!

Me: Yeah?

BV: Why you sweating?

Me: Ummmm, because it’s sunny?

BV: But I thought people don’t sweat in Bangalore?

Me: Ummmm, It’s summer and we’re out in the open.

BV: But people don’t sweat in Bangalore right?

Me: Errrrr…..

Scene #3

*Eating lunch the local McDonalds*

BV: What’s that you’re eating with your burger?

Me: Fries.

BV: Fries? Interesting. What are they made up of?

Me: Potatoes.

BV: Wow. Sounds good. What are you dipping them in?

Me: Ketchup.

BV: Why?

Me: Because it tastes good.

BV: How?

Me: Errrrrrrr….

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