The Driver!

I called up Le Gf.

Me: How’s the thunderstorm your side of town?

Le Gf: Pretty good! Lots of rain! How come you’re back home already?

Me: How’d you know that I’m back home?

Le Gf: Very easy, Sherlock. You asked me how the weather is at my side of town. If you were at office, you’d have known. Your office is next to my house, remember?

Me: Oh yeah…. Point….

Le Gf: What? You’d think I’m some dumb blonde huh?

Me: So anyhow…..

Le Gf: Hmph!

Me: So, there’s this section in my apartment, where it gets waterlogged during rains. The water is about one – two feet atleast!

Le Gf: So?

Me: It’s fun to see cars get stuck there!

Le Gf: So?

Me: So, nothing! I love driving there in first gear and splash water on everyone!

Le Gf: You’re such a bad driver! Splashing water on everyone! And you call me bad?

Me: You are a BAD driver! You’re very rash! When you drive, people jump out of the way!

Le Gf: Jeez!

Me: Looking at your driving, it’s so evident that you’re from Hyderabad! 

Le Gf: Really?

Me: Yes!

Le Gf: Oh my god! I’ve been never so proud of myself!

Me: Wait! What?

Le Gf: I’m so proud of myself! I’m a Hyderabadi, out and out! 

Me: #WTF!?

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PS: It had rained 3000 mm that day.

Stalkers Extreme!!!

Day: Saturday Night

Location: Parents room

Scene: Ironing my clothes

*Action*

Me: Mom, Dad. I’d thought, let you know that I’m dating someone.

*Mom sits up straight*

Mom: Really?

Me: Yes.

Mom: Great! I don’t have to find a bride for you!

Me: Errrrr, yes….

Mom: What’s her name?

Me: *******.

Mom: Where’s she from? 

Me: Hyderabad.

Mom: Gulti?

Me: Not exactly. Half gulti, quarter tamil and quarter bengali.

Mom: Jeez, all your girlfriends are such rare specimens no?

Me: Ummmmm….

Mom: Does she have a last name or does she have a string of initials like A.B.C.D *******? 

Me: She’s got a last name. 

Mom: Can she speak bengali?

Me: I guess she can understand but not speak.

Mom: Fine, teach her bengali before you marry her. Then I can communicate with her easily.

Me: Jeez…. I’m out of here!

*After five minutes, I go back into that room*

*Dad is on his iphone and mom on her laptop*

Dad: Does she work in ****** ****** ******? (Worlds second largest spirits brand).

Me: What? You googled her?

Dad: Yeah… We wanted to put a face to that name. 

Mom: This is her facebook profile, right? 

Dad: Her linkedin profile looks good! 

Me: Oh god…. Tell me that this is not happening!

Mom: What is this company? 

Dad: Spirits. As in they sell alcohol. 

Mom: Oh, that’s why you’re dating her?

Me: Eh?

Mom: So if she leaves that job, you’re going to break up with her, right? 

Me: Oh god! What fresh hell is this? 

#facepalm 

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