The Wingman

Since I don’t have a girlfriend, my friends usually ask me tag along with them to parties so that I help them pick up chicks.

Very similar to “Have you met Ted?” from the sitcom, How I Met Your Mother. DG asked me to tag along with him to a party where he was meeting his current squeeze, let’s call her The Chick. My job was simple, regale her with stories which would make her swoon all over DG. Pretty simple, right? Well, no. The problem is, after the few drinks, DG kinda becomes a bit too emotional. You know, the soap opera or the saas-bahu type overacting we’ve come to know, thanks to Ekta Kapoor and her cronies.

Bit of background information:

Six months back, DG and I were at a party and DG was head over heels with this chick, let’s call her PYT. Half a bottle of whiskey down, DG was in his element or at least in his own mind. A very inebriated DG is fun to watch at first, then it becomes boring and finally sad. Anyways, DG’s overtures were not reciprocated and there were a couple of super hilarious incidents, which led to DG finally admitting, “Dude, I don’t think she’s ever coming back….” The whole ordeal lasted over three hours. Lots of people know about this incident, and The Chick happened to be one.

Anyways, coming back to the present. The mood was good and The Chick was already in DG’s arm. Now was the time for the kill.

*Let’s say five drinks down. I’m talking Long Island Ice Tea*

Me: So TC, DG is a very caring guy….

The Chick: Hehehehehe…. Tell me something that I don’t know already…. 😉

DG: Awwww… So sweet of you man….

Me: Did you know he cooks really well too?

The Chick: Huh? Is that true? DG you HAVE to invite me home sometime!

DG: Yes..Yes…For you, yes….

Me: See…. So caring…. Such a sweetheart he is!

The Chick: Awwwww…. I know…. But I’ve heard that his heart is set on PYT….Is that true?

Me: Pffftt! What nonsense! Who PYT?

DG: Dude, that chick from that party where I got drunk and………..

Me: #facepalm

*Awkward Silence*

Me: Lots of girls have a thing for DG, but he’s never swayed! 

The Chick: So sweet…. I wish I was as lucky as PYT…Sigh….

Me: Oh please…. She was some random chick… No one even knows where she is!

DG: Haven’t you heard? She’s getting married! 

Me: (muttering) Dude….STFU….

The Chick: Oh is it? Are you going?

DG: No…. She didn’t invite me…. Or else I would have gone…

Me: #facepalm

The Chick: Oh…Ok….

*Awkward Silence*

Me: He’s just kidding! He’s just pulling your leg!

The Chick: DG! So funny you are!

DG: I loved her man! But she didn’t love me back! I was hurt man!

Me: (muttering) Dude…. Stop ruining this for yourself…

DG: And dude, you shouldn’t badmouth her! She’s a very nice girl… From a very nice family…

Me: Uh…Huh…..

The Chick: Uh…..Well, look at the time… I think I need to leave now… Bye guys…. It was nice meeting you… Bye…

*And she was out of the place before you could say ‘Egg Foo Yung’*

Me: Well… She’s gone.. Nice way to ruin it…Douche…!

DG: Yeah…. You think she’s coming back….?

Me: You’d think so, Sherlock?

 

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The TV Show Conundrum

FF comes over to my place to watch TV shows.

FF: Wassup?

Me: Nothing much.

FF: Ok, let’s watch some shows.

Me: What do you wanna watch?

FF: What have you got?

Me: How I Met Your Mother, The Big Bang Theory, Two And A Half Men, Archer, Futurama, American Dad, Coupling

FF: What else?

Me: Family Guy, The Simpsons, Modern Family, Californication, Friends, Joey, House MD, 30 Rock...

FF: Then?

Me: Sherlock, Breaking Bad, That 70’s Show, My Wife And Kids, The Centurions, Swat Kats, Entourage

FF: Ummm, got more?

Me: Psych, Criminal Minds, The Mentalist, Castle, Scream Queens, Beauty And The Geek, Top Gear…..

FF: And?

Me: You gotta be kidding me! Game Of Thrones, Spartacus, Samantha Who, Lost, Arrested Development, Prison Break, The King Of Queens, According To Jim, Hope And Faith, Buffy The Vampire Slayer, Dark Angel… Phew! That’s all I have!

FF: Hmmmm, Do you have MTV Splitsvilla?

MeSplitsvilla?

FF: Yeah, remember that show where…

Me: GET THE F*** OUT OF MY HOUSE!

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PS: MTV Splitsvilla is the Jersey Shore of India.