She Be Crazy!

NM was vacationing at Anjuna, Goa. While he was chilling at the local hangout and smoking some *herbs*, a waiter approached him, informing him that a certain lady sitting all by herself at a nearby table, wished to partake in the activity. Now NM, is a man of few words. He nodded his head and went back to his smoking.

While leaving that place, he passed by that lady and while doing so, the lady called out to him, asking whether he had any extra *herbs*. NM walked a few steps ahead, stopped, checked his pocket and then walked back to that lady.

*NM walks upto her*

NM: Hey!

Lady: Hi…

NM: So I was told that you needed something…

Lady: Oh, is it?

NM: Yeah, something to smoke….

Lady:  I don’t think so. I’d already have something.

*Pointing to her packet of cigarettes*

NM:  Well, ok then. Good for you.

*NM turns to walk away*

Lady: Excuse me!

NM: Yeah?

Lady: Nice try though!

NM: Excuse me?

Lady: Nice attempt to pick me up. I’m sorry, it won’t work.

NM: Sure thing…. And good for you!

*NM starts walking again*

Lady : HEY LOSER! NICE TRY!

NM: Well lady, f*** you too!

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*Some b*tches be crazy*

This is toned down version of what she said. I think she had a couple of nuts loose.

The Sexy Scam

While returning from Goa, I decided to take a bus back to Bangalore. While I was on Redbus.in, I was confused as to which bus to take, so I went with the Kadamba Transport Corporation Ltd (Goa state owned) bus. To catch that bus, I needed to reach Kadamba Bus Stand in Panjim.

I reached there about one hour in advance and while I was waiting on the platform, a fellow passenger struck up a conversation with me.

Him: So are you taking a bus from here?

Me: Yes, that’s why I’m here.

*He was reeking of what I think was alcohol*

Him: Ok.. These bus guys are complete cheats!

Me: Why?

Him: Yesterday, I came here with my ticket and when I reached my bus, they told me that my ticket is not valid. That’s unfair! My ticket cost me 45 bucks! Now I don’t have any money and I spent the night on the platform.

Me: Ok.

Him: It’s not like I’m asking people from money, I’ve a brother working in America.

Me: Ok.

Him: Now I don’t know how I’ll get back home!

Me: Uh.. Huh…

Him: I’m a painter. I paint buildings. I go where ever there is work. My brother from America got me a job here. Now the job is complete. I need to go to the next place.

Me: So you travel all the time?

Him: Yes, I go where ever there is work. 

Me: Where to next?

Him: Mumbai, but I don’t have any money to travel.

Me: Ok. 

HimI’m not asking people from money, I’ve a brother working in America.

Me: You mentioned that before. 

Him: After Mumbai, I need to go back home to Kerala. Lots of places to travel. But no money.

Me: So you’re from Kerala?

Him: Yes! (No trace of an Malayalee accent)

Me: Where in Kerala?

Him: Tljljdaaslh…… 

Me: Say what?

Him: Errrr…. That place where that has a big ‘Birla‘ factory.

Me: Uh…… Huh….. Which district?

Him: Errrrrr…. I…. Ummmm…. That place with the Birla factory. My shanty is next to the factory wall.

Me: Sure… Why not?

Him: Yes, my house is there. You can ask anyone about that factory.

Me: You want money for the ticket?

Him: Oh? Thank you! But it’s not like I want to take money from you, I’ve a brother in America.

Me: You do the brother story with everyone don’t you?

Him: Huh? Of course not! I’ve a brother there. I can show you his visiting card, but my belongings got stolen last month.

Me: You’re trying to scam me into giving you money, aren’t you?

Him: What? Me? Of course not!

Me: Buddy, walk the f*** away or else I’m calling that cop standing there!

*He ran away before you could say House MD*

Me: F***ing d***!

 

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PS: The bus was sh*tty. They don’t provide neither a blanket (A/C Bus) nor a water bottle. And they stop at a really shady mess for dinner break.

 

 

The Call

I’d just quit my job and made an impulsive decision to go on a vacation to Goa. I took the first flight out to Goa the next morning. Since there wasn’t enough time to inform all the vendors that I’m no longer a part of my previous company, I was asked to keep in touch with them till the transition was complete.  During the vacation, I got a call from one such vendor.

Vendor: Hello sir!

Me: Hello.

Vendor: Sir, one payment is still pending. Please make that payment as soon as possible. 

Me: Ok sure. I’m actually on vacation now. I’ll get back to office next week and I’ll have that payment processed. 

Vendor: Oh ok. On a vacation, sir?

Me: Yes. 

Vendor: Where, sir?

Me: Goa. 

Vendor: Great sir! So any good news, sir?

Me: Errrrrr, no. I’m just taking a vacation. It was long overdue. 

Vendor: Oh ok. It’s fine. You said vacation, so I thought some good news. Never mind sir, you have a good time there. 

Me: Errrr… Ok…

Vendor: Bye, sir.

Me: Bye.

*I cut the call*

Me: What dafaq just happened? 

 

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The Amazing Race!

We all have that one friend, who is competitive about everything. The types who are always eager to show that they have ‘been there and done that’, before it was popular? Well, my friend BP, takes the cake.

Scene #1

BP: Dude! That Al – Amanah Cafe is awesome! 

Me: Yeah, I know!

BP: Dude, after you showed me this place, I’ve stopped going to Empire for dinner!

Me: Same here man, I’ve stopped eating there too after I found this place. 

BP: I stopped eating at Empire even before I got to know about this place. Like five months back!

Me: Errrrrr….. Ok… Sure….

 

Scene #2

Me: Hey! Check out these psychedelic paints I got!

BP: Where’d you get them from?

Me: Psybabas!

BP: You know, I know the owner of that place!

Me: Me too!

BP: I had met him like two years back!

Me: Ummmmm, ok….

BP: Back then, I used to buy psychedelic paints from him! Then I stopped it because his paints were crap.

Me: Ummmmmm… Ok….

BP: Yeah man, I’ve been going there for years now!

Me: #facepalm

 

Scene #3

Me: Have you been to Anjuna?

BP: Yeah man! Been going there since college days!

Me: Me too! I love Curlies!

BP: Curlies is too commercial dude! Shiva Valley is better!

Me: Yeah that’s nice too!

BP: I used to go to Curlies before it became popular man… Back then they used to play good music, not commercial like today.

Me: Errrrr… Ok…

BP: Yeah man… I’ve been around that scene for while now man….

Me: Sure…. Whatever makes you happy!

 

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