The Thing About Food…

*At office, working on a client project*

Me: Listen, use this picture for the Facebook post for today…

Colleague: I don’t think it’s a smart idea…

Me: Why not?

Colleague: Because the picture isn’t clear…

Me: What you talking about? It’s a hi-def picture with smiling kids.. What more do you want?

Colleague: Yeah… But the plates in front of them is very shiny, it looks very shiny because of the flash…

Me: That’s fine…. Use some nice Instagram like filter… Did you know that they have recommendation for which filter to use which talking pictures of food, so that your food looks sexy? 

Colleague: Yeah… I’ve read that…

Me: So go ahead…

Colleague: But the picture doesn’t have straight food!!!

Me: As opposed to gay food? 

Colleague: Ummmm….?

Me: Yeah….. That’s what I thought… Now upload that pic!

Colleague: Sigh… Fine….

*Victory*

*Sometimes I think that I should become a full time copywriter*

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He’s Got The Look!

Le Gf and I were going through Facebook and came across my brother’s new profile picture.

Le Gf: Oh wow….

Me: What?

Le Gf: He looks so good!

Me: Yeah, plus he’s very photogenic. 

Le Gf: Hmmmm…. Yeah…. Plus he’s got a classic look…

Me: What does that mean?

Le Gf: You know, slim, dark, yada, yada….

Me: Uh.. Huh…. And I’m un-classically good looking?  

Le Gf: Yeah, totally!

Me: What the f*** is that supposed to mean?

 Le Gf: Ummmm….. Well…. Fair and…. Ummmm….

Me: It’s ok, don’t try to save it…

Le Gf: What you have such a nice personality! 

Me: Ouch! That’s what people tell fugly people!

*Le Gf looks the other way*

Me: B*tch! 

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Great Minds Think Alike

My job requires me to manage brands online. Now the thing is (obviously) depending on the demographic of the brand, you need to tweak the tone of the language that you use. If it’s a high end luxurious product, you need to use big flowery words and if it’s a product for the masses, you need to tone down your language and use words like cool, super, fantastic, etc.

Anyhow, this brand was the sort where the crowd that is active on their Facebook page is very ghati. The types who can’t type a single grammatically correct sentence in English and all of them typ lik dis. You know what I mean, right?

So because of this, we were in a dilemma – We could either make the creatives “cool”, which means whacky fonts, bright colors and the likes or we could design a something classy, which would have sober colors etc. All this was for a promotional event for the brand.

We met the client to discuss the lines of communications and whatever collaterals that the team had designed so far.

Me: Here are some of the creatives that we have designed for the event…

Client: Uh..Huh…

Me: These are the copy that we’ll be using…

Client: Uh..Huh…

Me: I have just one doubt regarding the tone of communication..

Client: Go on…

Me: I took a look at the fans that are active on your Facebook page and based on that we’ll be designing the creatives.

Client: Ok…

Me: Now the thing is that the fans on the Facebook page are…. Ummmm…. How to say it…

Client: Are like chuths?

Me: Exactly! They are!

Client: So go ahead and design something that’s cool and eye catching. Don’t even try to be classy and all that shit!

Me: Ok then! You just made my day!

#RESPECT

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PS: That event was massive success! 🙂

Stalkers Extreme!!!

Day: Saturday Night

Location: Parents room

Scene: Ironing my clothes

*Action*

Me: Mom, Dad. I’d thought, let you know that I’m dating someone.

*Mom sits up straight*

Mom: Really?

Me: Yes.

Mom: Great! I don’t have to find a bride for you!

Me: Errrrr, yes….

Mom: What’s her name?

Me: *******.

Mom: Where’s she from? 

Me: Hyderabad.

Mom: Gulti?

Me: Not exactly. Half gulti, quarter tamil and quarter bengali.

Mom: Jeez, all your girlfriends are such rare specimens no?

Me: Ummmmm….

Mom: Does she have a last name or does she have a string of initials like A.B.C.D *******? 

Me: She’s got a last name. 

Mom: Can she speak bengali?

Me: I guess she can understand but not speak.

Mom: Fine, teach her bengali before you marry her. Then I can communicate with her easily.

Me: Jeez…. I’m out of here!

*After five minutes, I go back into that room*

*Dad is on his iphone and mom on her laptop*

Dad: Does she work in ****** ****** ******? (Worlds second largest spirits brand).

Me: What? You googled her?

Dad: Yeah… We wanted to put a face to that name. 

Mom: This is her facebook profile, right? 

Dad: Her linkedin profile looks good! 

Me: Oh god…. Tell me that this is not happening!

Mom: What is this company? 

Dad: Spirits. As in they sell alcohol. 

Mom: Oh, that’s why you’re dating her?

Me: Eh?

Mom: So if she leaves that job, you’re going to break up with her, right? 

Me: Oh god! What fresh hell is this? 

#facepalm 

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Stop Talking To Me!

I was in office and I was stalking people on Facebook. I was looking at a group photo of a friend of mine. I didn’t realize that a colleague of mine was looking over my shoulder.

Her: Oh, you know blah blah is it?

Me: Huh? 

Her: That woman in the pic!

Me: Oh, no no… I know this chick, I guess they are friends. 

Her: Ah ok… 

Me: Small world, right?

Her: Yeah…. 

*After five mins*

Her: She works at Blah Blah Firm!

Me: Errrrrrr, ok….

*After five mins*

Her: She works as a Catalouge Manager! 

Me: Ummmmm, ok…. Not that I asked….

*After five mins*

Her: She’s married, by the way!

Me: Ok……

*After five mins*

Her: Her husband works at Blah Blah Firm!

Me: Dude! 

Her: What?

Me: Stop talking to me! Stop stalking me!

Her: What did I do wrong? I’m just telling you interesting facts!

Me: #FML! 

 

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