You’ve Got Balls!

By this time, we were drunk out of our skulls. So please excuse the language.

*While playing with the dogs at the farmhouse*

NMD: Anyone got a ball? Anyone?

Guy #1: Hahaha! I have!

NMD: Pass it!

Guy #1: You know, I was about to say that I have one ball, but then I have two balls, so I didn’t say that I have a ball…

NMD: Errr… Ok….

Guy #2: No dude…. You got more than two balls!

Guy #1: I do?

Guy #2: Yeah… See….

*Excluding graphic details*

Guy #2: Now I have more balls!

NMD: What are you, like the Medusa of balls?

Guy #2: Yes!

Guy #1: So if anyone looks at your balls, they will turn into stone?

Guy #2: Yes!

Me: Oh god please, please don’t show me your balls!

*Thank god I didn’t have to see it*

*Not that, he would have shown it*

*Just clarifying*

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Being Gangsta!

At an office lunch outing.

Time: 4:00 pm

State: Drunk. Fine, tipsy drunk. Actually just one step away from being sh*t faced.

Me: The menus here are so good looking! I want to carry one home and frame it!

Lady Boss: Do you know why women carry big bags?

Me: No, enlighten me…

Lady Boss: So that we can put whatever junk we want to put in them!

Me: Go on…

Lady Boss: Such as cutlery from restaurants, glasses…..

Me: Uh…. Huh…

Lady Boss: How’d you think I built my new cutlery collection?

Me: Awwwright! Time for shots!

Lady Boss: Shots!

*I don’t really remember what happened rest of the night*

*But yeah, whatever*

*Cheers!*

*Also, I’m drunk on a few glasses of wine as I’m writing this*

#JustSaying

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I’m So Fucking Pissed!

THIS IS A PUBLIC SERVICE ANNOUNCEMENT

So today’s a Friday.

What do people do on Friday?

They get drunk.

What am I doing on a Friday night?

Well, fixing my fucking blog. And also getting drunk. I’m about three glasses down.

Why am I fixing my blog?

Well, because some ***** decided to hack my blog, “Just for fun”.

Why would someone do that?

Because he is a *****!

So what happened?

Well, someone hacked my blog on Wednesday and since then, my blog was reduced to a fucking blank page.

What did I lose?

Well, I wrote and scheduled blog posts upto 15th January. That mean’s I’ve lost about 25 scheduled blog posts.

And I wrote them when I was drunk. So I don’t remember squat. So, I can’t even re-write them!

All my permalinks will be changed. So all the previous links are useless!

All the pictures have been deleted, so I’ve to re-upload them all.

All comments are gone!

All my plugins are gone!

All my widgets are gone.

*Poof*

That’s why I’m frigging pissed off!

Thanks a lot, Asshole.

The Party Planner

A house party is going on at my place. Everyone’s happy, everyone’s drunk and some people are *gone*.

*AV walks upto me*

AV: Hey man!

Me: ‘Sup?

AV: Listen up, next weekend, party at AS’s place.

Me: That’s awesome!

AV: I know. It’s gonna be epic! AS doesn’t know about it yet!

Me: Hahaha! 

*AV walks upto another friend*

AV: Hey man!

Friend #1: Yeah?

AV: Listen up, next weekend, party at AS’s place.

Friend #1: Cool!

AV: It’s gonna be epic! AS doesn’t know about it yet!

Friend #1: Awesome!

*And then to another friend*

AV: Hey man!

Friend #2: AV! What’s up bro?

AV: Listen up, next weekend, party at AS’s place.

Friend #2: F***ing sexy!

AV: It’s gonna be epic! AS doesn’t know about it yet!

Friend #2: Sweet!

*This keeps on repeating till he’s talked to everyone present at the party*

*Finally walks up to AS*

AV: Hey dude!

AS: Hey AV!

AV: Listen up next week, there’s a party at AS’s place! It’s gonna be awesome. Don’t ask him though……. Sh*t!

AS: Uh huh….Go on…

AV: Oh sh*t!

AS: Yeah…..

*AV flees from the hall*

AS: F***ing hell! 

 

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You’d Think So?

My roomie MS is a natural sales guy. He can convince an Eskimo to buy a refrigerator. Yup, that’s how good he is. Unfortunately, under the influence of alcohol, MS tends to shoot his mouth off. And that happens very often. It’s funny to watch him at first, then it just gets really painful to bear him. Although this doesn’t seem to affect the no. of women who tend to fall head over heels for him.

One day after work, MS was drunk as usual. He called me up and asked me to pick him up. CG agreed to tag along. When we picked MS up, he was heavily inebriated and was on the phone with one of his lady friends.

Ladyfriend: blah blah blah blah……

MS: Oh yeah? That’s good. So what else?

Ladyfriend: blah blah blah blah……

MS: Oh, you have a dog. Sweet! I love dogs. What’s your dogs name?

Ladyfriend: blah blah blah blah Tommy….

MS: Tommy? That’s such a stupid name for a dog! You should name your dog *******. That’s  a kickass name. Who the hell names their dog Tommy?

Ladyfriend: blah blah blah blah hospital…..

MS: Oh, he’s at the vet? Critical condition? I hope your dog dies! Then you can get a new dog and name it ********! That’s an apt name for a dog! Let that be a lesson to you, not to name your pet something stupid like Tommy! 

The line goes dead.

MS: Hello? Hello? There?

MS looks at us with a sheepish grin.

MS: Dude, I think she hung up.

Me: No Shit, Sherlock. 

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