God Save My Liver…

Overhead from every other party.

Time: 8 pm

Booze: 1 peg down

Music: Pumped Up Kicks

“People, let’s start drinking!”

“I had a rough week at work!”

“The weekend couldn’t have come sooner”

Time: 9 pm

Booze: 2 pegs down

Music: Thrift Shop

“Man, the Indian Cricket team is so sucky!”

“I can’t believe Mallya paid 14 crores for Yuvraj Singh!”

“You think Aresenal is going to win this season?”

Time: 10 pm

Booze: 3 pegs down

Music: Moves Like Jagger

“Dude, what was Kejriwal thinking?”

“The roads in Bangalore are so shitty!”

“Have you seen the new Aventador? That rich bugger just bought it!”

Time: 11 pm

Booze: 4 pegs down

Music: Bangarang

“Dude, this whisky is really good!”

“Man, the drop in this song is maaaaaad!”

“We should go to Sunburn man!”

Time: 12 am

Booze: 5 pegs down

Music: Sexy Bitch

“Why aren’t we dancing dude?!!”

“Oops, I dropped my glass!”

“I’m not drunk okay!!”

Time: 1 am

Booze: 6 pegs down

Music: I’m Sexy And I Know It

“Maybe we should eat something?”

“I’ve a sexy business idea! All I need is capital!”

“Dude, the power shortage is a big political conspiracy!”

Time: 2 am

Booze: 7 pegs down

Music: Gangnam Style

“Maybe we should order some food?”

“Dude, that guy is like goooooone!”

“Yeah man, my capacity is like huge!”

Time: 3 am

Booze: 8 pegs down

Music: Angreji Beat

“Check out my moonwalk dude!”

“Dude, I still love her dude!”

“Dude, we should totally quit our jobs and start up!”

Time: 4 am

Booze: 9 pegs down

Music: Hawa Hawai

“Dude! We’re out of mixing! F*** it, I’ll drink it neat!”

“I’m gonna beat up that guy! He’s acting too cocky”

“Dude, I gotta confess something”

Time: 5 am

Booze: 10 pegs down

Music: Tu Cheez Badi Hai Mast Mast

“Let’s go the terrace!”

“Maybe we should eat something?”

“Man, I love ghati music!”

Time: 6 am

Booze: 11 pegs down

Music: Gandi Baat

“Let’s do Jaeger Bombs!:

“Dude! Is that the sun in the horizon?”

“I’m not drunk at all!”

Time: 7 am

Booze: 12 pegs down

Music: Chikni Chameli

“Let’s do push ups!”

“Food? Anyone? We should just have breakfast now!”

“I can totally do the moonwalk like MJ!”

Time: 8 am

Booze: 13 pegs down

Music: Isspidermen Isspidermen

“Oh god, I have office tomorrow!”

“Why don’t we have anymore booze?!”

“Zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz……!”

“13 is a very odd number. Let’s have another peg to make it even!”

And people wonder why I look so tired on a Monday.

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Let’s Party, Like It’s 1999!

MS and I were high as a kite when we decided to throw a party during the coming weekend. Then we realized that due to the upcoming elections, all the booze shops in Bangalore would be closed on Friday, Saturday and Sunday. We were at Wednesday.

After making a few calls, we decided to do a booze run and stock up the booze. We took everyone’s order. This is what we had to pick up.

1. Smirnoff Espresso – Full

2. Smirnoff Regular – Half

3. Eristoff – Full

4. Old Monk – Full

5. 8PM – Full

6. Royal Stag – Full

7. Signature – Half

8. Cashew Fenny – Full x 2

(Yeah, we party like it’s 1999)

We managed to reach our local booze boutique (Yes, we Bangaloreans are a classy lot. We have booze boutiques!)

We managed to pick up everything on our list, which wasn’t easy because we were high.

This is what we where like:

Anyways, MS’s eyes fell on this beauty.

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MS: I don’t care how much this costs, we gotta buy this! 

*I check the price, it was the same as buying a full bottle of Smirnoff*

Me: Deal! Lets do it! 

*We reached our home safely, tugging along all that booze*

MS: C’mon! Hurry up! I wanna see the new addition to our collection! 

*I start opening the box*

Me: Ok, here’s the bottle. And here is the……

*Out comes a bottle of coke*

MS: Where dafaq is the glass?

Me: Bloody hell!

*We were so high that we didn’t read the box. The box said free coke not free glass. We’s assumed that the glass was free due to the illustration*

Me: Dude! The box says free coke! Not glass! We’ve been trolled! 

MS: Dafaq! No one can know about this! 

Me: Errrrrr, alright! 

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Too Much Information!

After a night out with friends, I usually call them later in the night to check whether they reached home safely or not, or whether they had any trouble in doing so.

SDM was one such friend. SDM and I would go out drinking often and I would check up on her later on. She had a tendency to pick up fights with auto drivers who would demand extra money just because it as 11 pm or that fact that she was a woman. Nevertheless, under the influence of alcohol, she would turn into Joan Of Arc and rain down fire of them. That again is a different story, lets get back to the present one.

One night after a round of drinking at Mojos, we went to our respective homes. I called her up at around midnight to ensure that she had reached home safely.

Me: Hey!

SDM: Hey to you too! 

Me: Reached home safely? 

SDM: Yup! You know just because I’m a woman, you don’t have to assume that I can’t get home on my own.

Me: Hey, I was just asking, OK?

SDM: Chill dear! You know how I love yanking your chain. 

Me: Hmmmmm, so what you upto?

SDM: Nothing much. Trying to take a dump. I’ve been constipated for the past couple of days and today I feel lucky! 😀

Me: Oh My God!!!! Why would you tell me that!!? Why? That’s TMI man! Too much information! 

SDM: Hello! You asked me what I was upto?!

Me: I can’t un-hear what I just heard! FML!

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