Deliciously Delectable!

AB and I were out for lunch at Toit.

AB: Have you decided what you’re planning to have?

Me: No… Pass me the menu.

AB: Here

*Passes me the menu*

*As I was scrolling through the menu, a gorgeous woman passed by our table*

Me: I know what I’m having!

AB: Oh yeah….! Good choice, man!

*AB starts grinning*

Me: What?

AB: Oh….

Me: What?

AB: When you said, “I know what I’m having”, you were talking about food right?

Me: Yup… And you assumed that I was talking about that hot chick that passed by our table?

AB: Yup….

Me: Douche…

AB: My bad…

 

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Tequila, Mi Amor!

I was at The Humming Tree for a concert and I happen to run into some of my old college buddies. I got pretty excited on seeing them, lots of hugs going around and other weird male bonding stuff. Probably because I was four beers down. Anyways, I was feeling happy and I ordered a round of tequila for everyone.

Yeah, not a smart idea.

Me: Cheers everyone!

College Buddy: Cheers!

*After 20 mins*

Me: Buy us a round of beer, buddy!

College Buddy: Actually, I’m not drinking tonight!

Me: What! How come?

College Buddy: Well, I quit drinking!

Me: Why?

College Buddy: Just staying sober!

Me: Alright then, I won’t force you!

College Buddy: Cool man!

Me: Alright, catch ya later!

*After 30 mins*

Me: What the…. He just drank the tequila that I bought for him! That S.O.B! He said that he quit drinking!

*That MOFO*

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For The Love Of Belgium!

AB and I were chilling at the Barking Deer Brewpub, near Lower Parel.

*Watching Football on the TV*

AB: What league is this?

Me: It says Liga BBVA. So, I’m guessing that it’s the Spanish League.

AB: Ah ok… Which league is better?

Me: As in?

AB: You know, the English League or the Spanish League?

Me: I don’t think you can compare like that…

AB: Why not?

Me: Because all the leagues have a different style of playing. So you really can’t compare. That’s why you have the Champions League, to find the best football club in Europe.

AB: Hmmmm… Alright… So which one is your favourite?

Me: The German league…

AB: Is it?

Me: Yeah…

AB: So why you aren’t drinking German beer?

Me: Eh?

#Facepalm moment#

AB: Well…?

Me: By that logic, my favourite league should be the Belgian league…

AB: They have a football league in Belgium?

Me: #Faceplam

*Two Strikes*

*In his defence, we were one litre of beer down each*

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No Tissue, No Issue!

I was at a popular pub, when I happen to overhear this conversation from the table next to mine. There were about six people, three guys and three girls. They were discussing about whether your bride should be a virgin or not at the time of marriage.

Guy#1: Call me old fashioned, but I would want my wife to be a virgin!

Girl#1: You’re such a hypocrite! You have slept with other women, but you want your wife to be a virgin!?

Guy#2: The rules are different for guys, ok? In our society, women who have pre-marital sex are looked down on.

Girl#2: That’s so archaic! In this day and age, everyone has pre-marital sex! Besides, what does it matter whether the girl is a virgin or not?

Guy#3: I second with Guy#1! I don’t want to get the feeling that someone has already slept with my wife.

Girl#1: That’s so chauvinistic! If you’re so concerned that whether she’s slept with someone before you, just don’t ask.

Girl#2: Besides, why is that if men sleep with many girls, he’s branded a stud but if a woman sleeps around with many men, she’s branded a slut! Why are there double standards?

Guy#3: You see, Confucius once said: “If a single key can open many locks, it’s a master key. But if a single lock can be opened with many keys, it’s a shitty lock”!

*The guys high five each other. The women look annoyed*

Girl#1: Oh please, Confucius didn’t say anything like that.

Girl#2: You guys are such chauvinistic pigs!

*At this point, Girl#3, who was silent all this while, bangs the table*

Guy#1: Dafaq woman! You almost spilled my beer!

Girl#3: Why are you guys making such a big issue about a tissue? Relax guys.

*I’m sipping my beer, listening to the whole conversation*

 Me (to myself): Whoa mama! Cheers to that! 

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Do The Sherlock!

Lately, CG, MS and I have been watching a lot of BBC’s Sherlock and oh boy, we’re in love with Sherlock. During one of our routine trips to our favorite microbrewery in the city, we noticed a middle aged gentleman sitting near our table along with a kid. After a couple of pints, CG suggested that we do some Sherlock style analyzing and come with a profile.

CG: Alright! Lets do the Sherlock!  

Me: Awwwright!

CG: Man – Middle aged. Married. That explains the kid. 

Me: Absolutely! The kid is roughly three years old. So probably it’s a recent marriage.

CG: He’s wearing shorts. So he’s probably a regular here. He knows the dress code, et all. 

Me: He’s got a toned body. Must be a regular at a gym.

CG: Yeah, seems like a fitness freak. He’s eating a salad. 

Me: He’s got an iPad. Must have a well paying job.

CG: Yup! He’s got an iPhone too! 

Me: The wife’s not here. Probably travelling. 

CG: Makes sense. But why would a guy bring his three year old kid to a pub?

Me: Wait! They might be divorced. Which mom would go on a vacation leaving behind a three year old kid? 

CG: I don’t see a ring on his finger. I think you’re right!

Me: Look at the kid. That guy is letting her play with the iPad. He’s not too concerned about her smearing the screen with food. Looks like he’s overlooking that because he doesn’t want to scold her! 

CG: Because he gets to spend only a limited time with her! Makes sense!

Me: The kid’s being fussy and he’s letting her get away with it. Yup, divorced dad who’s spending some quality time with his daughter. 

CG: Awesome! It all fits now! A middle aged,  well to do executive spending some time with his daughter. We’re so AWESOME!

 Me: Oh yeah! High Five!

*High fives are exchanged*

A few minutes later, a similarly dressed gentleman, though more effeminate looking, walks in. He goes to the same table as the middle aged guy, hugs him and they exchange kisses. After that he picks ups the kid and places her on his lap. The kid hugs him back and says ‘Daddy!’.

CG: Well, we didn’t think of that.

Me: Yeah, that was a possibility. Damn, we’re not smart after all. 

CG: Maybe, it’s the beer? 

MS: No shit, geniuses!

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