You’ve Got Balls!

By this time, we were drunk out of our skulls. So please excuse the language.

*While playing with the dogs at the farmhouse*

NMD: Anyone got a ball? Anyone?

Guy #1: Hahaha! I have!

NMD: Pass it!

Guy #1: You know, I was about to say that I have one ball, but then I have two balls, so I didn’t say that I have a ball…

NMD: Errr… Ok….

Guy #2: No dude…. You got more than two balls!

Guy #1: I do?

Guy #2: Yeah… See….

*Excluding graphic details*

Guy #2: Now I have more balls!

NMD: What are you, like the Medusa of balls?

Guy #2: Yes!

Guy #1: So if anyone looks at your balls, they will turn into stone?

Guy #2: Yes!

Me: Oh god please, please don’t show me your balls!

*Thank god I didn’t have to see it*

*Not that, he would have shown it*

*Just clarifying*

shit-motherfucker-shit

Do You Even Bukake?

Location: Farm house, middle of nowhere.

Scene: Very drunk and high on *substances*

#ThatAwkwardMomentWhenJoinAConversationAndDontKnowWhatPeopleAreTalkingAbout

Lady Boss: Dude!

NMD: What?

Lady Boss: Where you in my house when that bukake shit was happening?

NMD: What???

Lady Boss: That bukake shit!

NMD: What do you think bukake means?

Lady Boss: Arre…. That spitting thing…

NMD: I think you need to check what bukake really means…

Lady Boss: Dude whatever! Where you there in my house or not?

NMD: Why would I be there in your house while there was bukake happening?

Lady Boss: Aaaargh! Nevermind!

*Drunk me sitting in the corner*

Me: WTF did I hear just now???

Sam-and-Cat-awkward-GIF

Kitty’s Got Claws!

At the company BBQ party.

About this point in time, we were two bottles of alcohol and countless beers down.

Dude Boss: You know, if Whiny and I were married…

Lady Boss: Eh what?

Dude Boss: Yeah, if me and Whiny were married, not the love kind… I mean the bro type… We would totally live on a farm and do farming!

Me: Yeah!

Lady Boss: Hello. NMD is here only. Atleast don’t discuss your plans to cheat on him, out in open!

NMD: Yeah! What the hell…

Dude Boss: Errrrrr…..

NMD: Couldn’t you have waited for me to go out of earshot, before you decided to cheat on me?

Dude Boss: Errrr….

Me: Big deal…. Besides, If any skank  tries to steal Dude Boss away from me, Imma gonna smack her down!

Dude Boss: Yeah! Bros before hoes!

*Fist bump*

Lady Boss: Oh god….

Me: I’ll totally like, claw their eyes and all… Like… MEOW…

Lady Boss: Wow…. Did you really say that just now?

Me: Yes…. Hisssss! Kitty’s got claws!

Lady Boss: Yes…. Ladies totally beware!

Me: Yeah! Bros before hoes! Bitches stay away!

*Fist bump, part2*

NMD: Hello skanks, I’m still here!

Me: Meow! Hissss!

NMD: Jeez! Fine, you can have him!

Me: Victory shall be mine!

endless-catfight_mean_girls

I just realized that this conversation had no point whatsoever!

#JustSaying

Whose Laura Is It Anyway?

Skoda Laura is an impressive car. It’s one of the best selling cars in its segment in India. Even the name Laura is majestic, meaning victor. However, releasing cars named as Laura in India is a BIG mistake. And you (the guys at Skoda and the people who have bought this car) should be prepared to be subjected to endless lists of bad puns and ridicule.

Location: DG’s scenic terrace.

Characters: DG, SA, PGI and Me

Scene: We had just finished munching down some insane BBQ. Full of food and alcohol, we were all zoning out in different corners of the terrace.

Start Scene

*DG looks down from the terrace and notices my car parked below*

DG: Dude!

Me: Yeah?

DG: Do you have a Laura?

*Stunned silence befalls the already silent terrace*

Me: Errrr….

DG: Well do you have a Laura or not?

*SA is rolling on the floor laughing and PGI is in a state of shock* (Click here if you don’t know what Laura means in Hindi)

*After what seems like eternity has passed*

Me: I have an Octavia

PGI: Phew! You guys are talking about cars! Seesh! 

DG: Ah okay. I thought you had a Laura. 

Me: Ummmm, I do have one….

DG: So you have two cars? 

Me: Errr… Nevermind

End Scene.

pokerface_clean