The Underwear Conundrum!

I just got home from the gym and I happened to wearing my pro-fit.

This is what a pro-fit looks like:

Since everyone puts up a selfie after the session at the gym!

A photo posted by The Kolesmeister (@kolesmeister) on

Dad was at the dining table when I walked in.

Dad: Is that a pro-fit?

Me: Yes.

Dad: Where did you buy it from?

Me: Decathalon.

Dad: How much?

Me: 700.

Dad: That’s a good deal.

Me: I guess. 

Dad: Why do you wear a pro-fit?

Me: Because it’s cold outside. And I wasn’t wearing a dry fit tee, so I’m wearing this. 

Dad: You could just wear the pro-fit and go to the gym right?

Me: Not, really.

Dad: Why not?

Me: Because a pro-fit is supposed to be worn under the t-shirt!

Dad: Look at it! You don’t need a t-shirt after wearing this!

Me: Just because a boxer covers your balls, does that mean you could step outside the house in them?

Dad: Errrrr…. No..

Me: Exactly. The same reason applies here. 

Dad: Ok. Since you put it this way.

Me: Yes, touche indeed.

Dad: ????? 

like_a_boss
 

Being Circumcised!

Earlier this year, I was in my beard growing phase. Well, I had decided that I will keep changing my beard style every two months. This was during those two months.

Anyhow, I was at my usual Bong family get-together. Bong as in Bengali, not the one you smoke with.

Some of mom’s friends complimented me on the beard but of them a major issue with my beard.

She: What is that thing growing on your face?

Me: You mean my manly beard?

She: No, that pubic hair on your face!

Me: Ouch! Is that yours look like?

#Burn

She: Oh, you think you’re very smart, don’t you?

Me: Maybe?

She: Fine. Whatever!

Me: Yeah. Whatever.

She: You look like a Muslim cleric.

Me: Eh?

She: Yeah, grow beards as long as yours!

Me: No, they don’t. And I have a moustache! They don’t! 

She: Almost same no!

Me: So?

She: Fine, there is one more difference.

Me: What?

She: Your d*ck isn’t circumcised!

Me: What? Fine.

#Burn

She got me there. What a burn. I shall have my revenge!

This is what I looked like:

This is my “I work in an ad agency” look. #bored #monday #office #beard #beardo #bangalore #selfie #glasses

A photo posted by The Kolesmeister (@kolesmeister) on

The year so far:

dc5b9bb4-310f-43bd-8d07-d63db911ffaa

Smooth Operator!

I was in one those moods when I wanted to go out and meet someone new. Not to date or anything but just for the thrills. It was Friday night and I decided to go to The Humming Tree. They have good music, good crowd and it’s very easy to start a conversation.

So I reach The Humming Tree around 9 pm and I went straight to the bar and got myself a drink. Then I decided to “scope out” people. What I had in mind was, I would smile at someone and if they smiled back, I would walk to them and start a conversation. Of course, I didn’t really expected it work but what the heck, it sounded like fun.

Very soon, a pretty lady, dressed in all red walks in. She had a bob cut, wore a bright shade of red lipstick and was wearing heels.

I smiled at her.

And.

She smiled back!

Damn, first blood already!

Then.

She started walking towards me.

That escalated quickly!

Now, I had to sure that she wasn’t walking towards anyone else. So I casually glanced around and saw that I was the only one looking towards her. Damn, things had started to get serious!

She was definitely walking towards me. I honestly didn’t know what to do next. In my head, I had imagined that I would be tipsy by the time someone smiled back, so things would much smoother.

I stood up straight, shifted the drink from my right hand to the left and got ready to say hello.

She stopped in front of me.

Hi ******, how are you?

HOW.DID.SHE.KNOW.MY.NAME?

My mind started racing!

Who was she? 

Random date?

A Friend of a friend?

Did I met her earlier and I was drunk?

Does she look familiar? 

And suddenly, my mouth got a mind of its own.

Hey! S*****, good to see you! It’s been what, 10 years?

That’s why she knew me. She turned out to be a junior from school!

And to think that, I was imagining myself to be some sort of a PUA.

Disaster averted.

Phew!

phew_gif

 

The Jailbait!

I was at NH7 Weekender, Bangalore. AR Rahman was playing and the atmosphere was electric. I had just met this cute chick near the bar area, we got talking and we headed to watch AR Rahman together.

*AR Rahman starts playing*

Cute Chick: OMG! OMG! OMG! It’s AR!

Me: Yeah….. I know, I can see!

Cute Chick: OMG! OMG! It’s like a dream come true!

*She then proceeds to jump and wave her hands for the next ten minutes*

Me: Jeez! Calm down!

Cute Chick: I can’t! I’m just too excited!

Me: Oh god! How old are you? 21?

Cute Chick: Ummmmmm…. Yes….

Me: Oh….

Cute Chick: Yeah…..

*Awkward Silence*

*After what seemed like an eternity*

Me: So yeah…. AR Rahman is killing it!

Cute Chick: I know, right!

*Disaster Averted!*

st-lucia-help-me-run-away

 

Deliciously Delectable!

AB and I were out for lunch at Toit.

AB: Have you decided what you’re planning to have?

Me: No… Pass me the menu.

AB: Here

*Passes me the menu*

*As I was scrolling through the menu, a gorgeous woman passed by our table*

Me: I know what I’m having!

AB: Oh yeah….! Good choice, man!

*AB starts grinning*

Me: What?

AB: Oh….

Me: What?

AB: When you said, “I know what I’m having”, you were talking about food right?

Me: Yup… And you assumed that I was talking about that hot chick that passed by our table?

AB: Yup….

Me: Douche…

AB: My bad…

 

Awekard_NewGirl

The Party For The Undead!

All of us from office had gone out for lunch. On the way back, a hearse was passing by. Now, I’m not sure whether all hearses are like this or it’s just limited to Southern India, but this was the one with the body in a tempo van, followed by a bunch of people playing drums, dancing, drinking and bursting crackers.

Anyhow, DMM was with us and he got super excitement look at the hearse and the parade around it.

DMM: Man, this looks like a trippy party!

All of us: Uh…huh…

DMM: I just wanna party like that!

All of us: Uh…huh…

DMM: Just walking on the streets, drinking, dancing and what not!

All of us: Uh…huh…

DMM: Just listen to the music! 

All of us: Yeah we can hear it and if you haven’t realized, they are holding up the traffic.

DMM: Imagine.. You’ll be having fun while everyone else will be just stuck in their cars!

All of us: Uh…huh…

DMM: We should do something like this for office!

All of us: Like what?

DMM: You know…. Hire a van, stock it with booze and we drive around town. We can even dance on the streets!

All of us: You want that for the office?

DMM: Yes!

All of us: You know that was a hearse, right?

DMM: Oh… Was it?

All of us: Yes! What did you think was in the van? 

DMM: Booze and food?

All of us: The body, dude!! The dead body!

DMM: Oh…. Awkward.. 

 

surprised-keanu-reeves-movie

 

Being Mughal And All…

I was craving for some Mughlai biryani.

Me: Man, I wanna have some Mughlai biryani for lunch!

Bro: Go for it!

Me: Why isn’t there a Lazeez near our house?

Bro: I know right?

Me: Looks like we have no other choice than going to Esplanade!

Bro: Why Explanade?

Me: Because they have Mughlai biryani!

Bro: Since when? 

Me: Since forever!

Bro: But it’s a Bengali restaurant!

Me: I know! And they serve Mughlai biryani!

Bro: So we’re basically Mughlai? Descendants of the Mughals?

Me: Dafaq did you smoke? 

Bro: Eh?

supernatural-dean-winchester-facepalm