Watch Your Mouth!

Some auto drivers are downright scum of the society. They should be hanged by their gonads.

Time: 3 am

Location: Indiranagar, Bangalore

State: Not drunk, just happy high.

*NM, SH and me were heading to NM’s house after a wild goose chase*

Me: Let’s take an auto!

NM: Yeah, makes sense!

*I flag down an auto*

Auto Guy: Where to?

Me: Victoria Layout!

Auto Guy: How many people?

Me: Three. How much?

Auto Guy: 200!

Me: Mad or what? It’s hardly five kilometers from here!

Auto Guy: Sir, it’s late. This is a good price!

Me: The rule says one and a half meter after 10 pm, I’ll pay you double meter!

Auto Guy: Sir, that would extra for you! It’ll be 120 on the meter plus double! I’m quoting less!

Me: Then it’s a win-win situation! If it’s extra like you claim, you get the extra money!

Auto Guy: Fine! Get in!

*Halfway through. the auto guy stops for a smoke and switches the meter off*

*When he started the auto. the meter hadn’t come on. The meter said INR 21 at that point*

Me: Dude! Your meter isn’t working!

Auto Guy: Oh, let me check!

*He ‘inspects’ the meter*

Auto Guy: It’s not working! It’s gets cold in the night and then the meter becomes cold and doesn’t work! *BS ALERT*

Me: Hmmmmm….

*We reach our destination*

Me: How much?

Auto Guy: Sir, whatever you think is right…

Me: The meter said 21 about two kilometers back…. Fine, take a hundred!

SH: Wait! What’s this button?

*Clicks on a button near the meter*

*The meter switches on, displaying INR 30*

Me: Fine, 30 x 2 = 60, take the hundred!

Auto Guy: Whoa! Why hundred?

Me: Are you mad or something?

Auto Guy: Give me 200 hundred!

Me: For what joy?

Auto Guy: That was the deal!

Me: Hello! The deal was double on the meter. I’m being generous over here!

Auto Guy: The meter stopped working!

SH: Because you switched it off!

Auto Guy: I want my 200!

Me: Stop eating my head, here’s a hundred!

Auto Guy: Don’t create a scene! I want my two hundred!

Me: Do I look like a c****? The distance is not even five km and I know the rates!

Auto Guy: I WANT MY TWO HUNDRED!

Me: Here’s a hundred! Bye!

Auto Guy: Keep your money! I don’t want it!

Me: Fine. Suit yourself. Bye.

Auto Guy: WTF!!!

*And thus I enter the house and lock the door behind me*

*Voila*

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In behind the scenes of the story, the driver started creating a ruckus and then a 6ft tall JK stepped out the house, threw the hundred on his face and threatened to beat the living daylights out of the auto guy, after which he ran away (Auto guy, not JK) (Just clarifying).

Oops, You Did It Again…. And Again!

Like most men, LKB loved checking out women. Unlike most men, he felt the need to comment loudly and get everyone around him to participate as well. As you can imagine, in most cases that didn’t go well for LKB.

Scenario #1

*LKB, AJ and I were sitting in the college cafeteria. CJ, a voluptuous buxom babe, passes by our table*

LKB: Man, look at that a**!

AJ: Ummmm…

LKB: Don’t you love an a** like that?

AJ: Errrr…

LKB: Man, the things I’d to that a**! Oh yeah, I would smack it and watch it wobble and smack it some more!

*At this point LKB starts smacking an imaginary butt while signing Akon‘s Smack That*

AJ: Dude! Stop that!

LKB: C’mon! An a** that fine, you gotta smack it. I mean, you must be like super gay, not to smack that a**!

AJ: You do realize that CJ is my sister? 

LKB: Errrrr…. Ummmm….

AJ: F^&*ing C&*#! 

Me: Hahahaha….! LKB does it again! 

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Scenario #2

*LKB, BK and I were at the bus stop, waiting for the college bus*

LKB: See that new chick at our stop? She’s ugly man!

Me: Uh..huh..

LKB: She’s so ugly, even Quasimodo wouldn’t date her! 

Me: Hahaha…

LKB: She’s so ugly that the only way she’ll get laid, is that she’s with a blind guy! 

Me: Good lord!

LKB: She’s so ugly, she can go to a Halloween party without a costume!

Me: Hahahaha…

*BK smacks LKB on the back of his head*

BK: That’s my sister, you dumb f%^&!

Me: Hahahahaha….

LKB: You knew it all along, didn’t you?

Me: Yup!

LKB: Why didn’t you tell me anything?

Me: I wanted to see you get smacked on the back of your head! 😀

LKB: F@#$ Off!

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 Scenario #3

*LKB, RK and I were at the beach*

LKB: See that bike parked there?

Me: Yeah?

LKB: That’s a sh*tty bike!

Me: Uh..huh..

LKB: My winged rider is waaaaay better than that piece of crap!

Me: Uh…huh..

LKB: That bike is so crap, that it makes an auto rickshaw look like an Harley Davidson!

Me: Too much!

RK: Knock it off! That’s my bike!

LKB: I know! 😛 

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Too Much Information!

After a night out with friends, I usually call them later in the night to check whether they reached home safely or not, or whether they had any trouble in doing so.

SDM was one such friend. SDM and I would go out drinking often and I would check up on her later on. She had a tendency to pick up fights with auto drivers who would demand extra money just because it as 11 pm or that fact that she was a woman. Nevertheless, under the influence of alcohol, she would turn into Joan Of Arc and rain down fire of them. That again is a different story, lets get back to the present one.

One night after a round of drinking at Mojos, we went to our respective homes. I called her up at around midnight to ensure that she had reached home safely.

Me: Hey!

SDM: Hey to you too! 

Me: Reached home safely? 

SDM: Yup! You know just because I’m a woman, you don’t have to assume that I can’t get home on my own.

Me: Hey, I was just asking, OK?

SDM: Chill dear! You know how I love yanking your chain. 

Me: Hmmmmm, so what you upto?

SDM: Nothing much. Trying to take a dump. I’ve been constipated for the past couple of days and today I feel lucky! 😀

Me: Oh My God!!!! Why would you tell me that!!? Why? That’s TMI man! Too much information! 

SDM: Hello! You asked me what I was upto?!

Me: I can’t un-hear what I just heard! FML!

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