The Racket!

I get a call from Airtel call centre. Allegedly. I used the word allegedly here because I was pretty sure that it was a racket.

Guy: Hello sir!

Me: Hello!

Guy: Sir, I’m calling from Airtel call centre.

Me: Ok…

Guy: Are you happy with your current service?

Me: Yes. Totally!

Guy: I would like to inform you that your number was one of the selected number has won a surprise!

Me: Go on…

Guy: Sir, you have won 50000 in total!

Me: That’s awesome!

Guy: We will credit 5000 in your mobile as talk time credit and the remaining 45000 in your bank account.

Me: That’s brilliant!

Guy: All we need from your side, is a few details.

Me: Sure!

Guy: Do you have a bank account?

Me: Absolutely! How’d you think I pay my Airtel bill?

Guy: Great Sir! Do you have online banking?

Me: Of course! Who doesn’t?

Guy: Very good sir! I just need a few details!

Me: Go on…

Guy: Please log into your account.

Me: Oh no….

Guy: What happened, Sir?

Me: Man, I forgot my password generator at home!

Guy: That’s ok, Sir. I can call you tomorrow!

Me: Brilliant!

Guy: No problem!

Me: By the way, you know….

Guy: Yes, sir…?

Me: I know it’s a racket!

Guy: What sir?

Me: You think I don’t know what you guys are upto?

Guy: What sir?

Me: I’m going report you guys to the cops!

*line goes dead*

Me: Maybe I should have started the conversation with that.

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Dear Airtel, if you happen to read this blog, you guys need to clamp down on this shit!

In Time…

MS and I were watching TV on our swanky new Airtel HD plus. Or whatever that thing is called. You know, the one with the live TV pausing and all.

MS: Dude…

*Pause Live TV*

Me: What?

MS: Blah… Blah…

Me: Blah…Blah…

MS: Ok….

*Resume watching TV*

*After five mins*

MS: Dude…

*Pause Live TV*

Me: What?

MS: Blah… Blah…

Me: Blah…Blah…

MS: Ok….

*Resume watching TV*

*After five mins*

MS: Dude…

*Pause Live TV*

Me: What?

MS: Blah… Blah…

Me: Blah…Blah…

MS: Ok….

*Resume watching TV*

*After ten mins*

MS: Dude!

*Pause Live TV*

Me: Yeah…

MS: We’re watching pre-recorded TV right?

Me: Yeah, every time I pause, the TV starts recording the feed and we watch TV at our convenience. 

MS: Ah…Ok….

Me: Pretty cool right..?

MS: Yeah… But if it’s recorded, why are we watching the ads? We can skip through that right?

Me: Errrrr…. Yeah…. I didn’t think of that!

MS: I know, right!

*Mind blown*

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*Man, we were so stoned*

In Your Face!

I get a call from the Airtel customer care. The guy on the other end was really curt and was being a d*ck to me for no reason.

Airtel Guy: Sir, this is to inform you that currently you have subscribed to both paper bill and e-bill.

Me: Yes, I’m aware of that.

Airtel Guy: As per our go green initiative, you can receive your bill only in one way. So please choose. You cannot receive both.

*All this was said in a very condescending tone*

Me: I was called six months back and I’ve already informed you guys that I want to discontinue the paper bill. You guys haven’t done. So please get that done. 

*I replied very curtly*

Airtel Guy: Sorry to hear that, sir. I shall process your request right away.

*He sounded anything but apologetic*

Airtel Guy: Is there anything else I can help you out with?

Me: Yeah, you could pull your head out of your ass. 

*I muttered under my breath*

Airtel Guy: Sorry sir? 

Me: Nothing. That will be all.

Airtel Guy: Thank you for contacting Airtel customer care.

Me: Go suck your own c*** like Jon Jeremy did. 

Airtel Guy: Pardon me? 

*I cut the call. Like a baws*

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