The Underwear Conundrum!

I just got home from the gym and I happened to wearing my pro-fit.

This is what a pro-fit looks like:

Since everyone puts up a selfie after the session at the gym!

A photo posted by The Kolesmeister (@kolesmeister) on

Dad was at the dining table when I walked in.

Dad: Is that a pro-fit?

Me: Yes.

Dad: Where did you buy it from?

Me: Decathalon.

Dad: How much?

Me: 700.

Dad: That’s a good deal.

Me: I guess. 

Dad: Why do you wear a pro-fit?

Me: Because it’s cold outside. And I wasn’t wearing a dry fit tee, so I’m wearing this. 

Dad: You could just wear the pro-fit and go to the gym right?

Me: Not, really.

Dad: Why not?

Me: Because a pro-fit is supposed to be worn under the t-shirt!

Dad: Look at it! You don’t need a t-shirt after wearing this!

Me: Just because a boxer covers your balls, does that mean you could step outside the house in them?

Dad: Errrrr…. No..

Me: Exactly. The same reason applies here. 

Dad: Ok. Since you put it this way.

Me: Yes, touche indeed.

Dad: ????? 

like_a_boss
 

Being Circumcised!

Earlier this year, I was in my beard growing phase. Well, I had decided that I will keep changing my beard style every two months. This was during those two months.

Anyhow, I was at my usual Bong family get-together. Bong as in Bengali, not the one you smoke with.

Some of mom’s friends complimented me on the beard but of them a major issue with my beard.

She: What is that thing growing on your face?

Me: You mean my manly beard?

She: No, that pubic hair on your face!

Me: Ouch! Is that yours look like?

#Burn

She: Oh, you think you’re very smart, don’t you?

Me: Maybe?

She: Fine. Whatever!

Me: Yeah. Whatever.

She: You look like a Muslim cleric.

Me: Eh?

She: Yeah, grow beards as long as yours!

Me: No, they don’t. And I have a moustache! They don’t! 

She: Almost same no!

Me: So?

She: Fine, there is one more difference.

Me: What?

She: Your d*ck isn’t circumcised!

Me: What? Fine.

#Burn

She got me there. What a burn. I shall have my revenge!

This is what I looked like:

This is my “I work in an ad agency” look. #bored #monday #office #beard #beardo #bangalore #selfie #glasses

A photo posted by The Kolesmeister (@kolesmeister) on

The year so far:

dc5b9bb4-310f-43bd-8d07-d63db911ffaa

Smooth Operator!

I was in one those moods when I wanted to go out and meet someone new. Not to date or anything but just for the thrills. It was Friday night and I decided to go to The Humming Tree. They have good music, good crowd and it’s very easy to start a conversation.

So I reach The Humming Tree around 9 pm and I went straight to the bar and got myself a drink. Then I decided to “scope out” people. What I had in mind was, I would smile at someone and if they smiled back, I would walk to them and start a conversation. Of course, I didn’t really expected it work but what the heck, it sounded like fun.

Very soon, a pretty lady, dressed in all red walks in. She had a bob cut, wore a bright shade of red lipstick and was wearing heels.

I smiled at her.

And.

She smiled back!

Damn, first blood already!

Then.

She started walking towards me.

That escalated quickly!

Now, I had to sure that she wasn’t walking towards anyone else. So I casually glanced around and saw that I was the only one looking towards her. Damn, things had started to get serious!

She was definitely walking towards me. I honestly didn’t know what to do next. In my head, I had imagined that I would be tipsy by the time someone smiled back, so things would much smoother.

I stood up straight, shifted the drink from my right hand to the left and got ready to say hello.

She stopped in front of me.

Hi ******, how are you?

HOW.DID.SHE.KNOW.MY.NAME?

My mind started racing!

Who was she? 

Random date?

A Friend of a friend?

Did I met her earlier and I was drunk?

Does she look familiar? 

And suddenly, my mouth got a mind of its own.

Hey! S*****, good to see you! It’s been what, 10 years?

That’s why she knew me. She turned out to be a junior from school!

And to think that, I was imagining myself to be some sort of a PUA.

Disaster averted.

Phew!

phew_gif

 

Holi Is Not A Holiday!

*Chilling at home with my brother*

Him: So what plans on Holi?

Me: Nothing really. The usual. Make bhang, then drink it and play Holi.

Him: The entire day?

Me: No, only in the evening.

Him: And the rest of the day?

Me: I’ve office.

Him: What??!

Me: What?

Him: We have office on Holi?

Me: Yes.

Him: Since when?

Me: Since always!

Him: What? Holi isn’t a national holiday?

Me: Nope!

Him: What! My entire life has been a lie!

Me: Not like you celebrate Holi!
Him: So?

Me: Nevermind.

Him: This is bullshit! Just pure bullshit! No holiday on Holi!

*Storms off*

Here’s what really happened:

 

Breaking dreams be like…. #holi #bro #conversation #thursday #bangalore #instavideo

A video posted by The Kolesmeister (@kolesmeister) on

Text Much?

All of us from office had gone partying on a Friday night after work. By the end of the night, DJ was smashed drunk. Thankfully, he lived walking distance from that club.

*Perks of living in Indiranagar*

*DJ starts to head home*

*Couldn’t even walk staright*

Me: Hey!

DJ: What…?

Me: Do you need a lift?

DJ: No…. I’m good!

Me: You can’t even walk straight!

DJ: So? You can’t arrest me for that!

Me: Fair enough…

DJ: Alright, bye then!

Me: Text me when you reach!

DJ: No!

Me: Why not?

DJ: We aren’t sleeping together, ok? So there’s no need to text! Ok?

Me: Ummmm… Alright… But still, text me. Ok?

DJ: If we ain’t f***ing, I ain’t texting!

Me: Oh, god….

DJ: Yeah… That’s why!

Me: ??????

eric marshall

Yes, DJ reached home safely that night and survived to drink another day!

Bathroom Woes

*Overheard in office*

Guy 1: Which loo do you use?

Guy 2: As in?

Guy 1: As in, the one in the right corner of the office or the one in the left corner?

Guy 2: I dunno!

Guy 1: What you mean you dunno?

Guy 2: I have issues with both the loos.

Guy 1: Like?

Guy 2: The first one, the flush is so strong that it splashes on my pants!

Guy 1: Yeah! That happened to me too! Plus they had put that Harpic blue thingy and the water was all blue. All of that splashed on my pant and that left a blue stain!

Guy 2: Damn!

Guy 1: Yeah…

Guy 2: The second one, the pressure is too less! I don’t feel confident while flushing. Need to flush a couple of time before things completely disappear!

Guy 1: Yeah man! What to do?

Guy 2: Complain to the Office Manager, I guess?

Guy 1: Yeah… That only

Me: #DafaqDidIHear?

Bill Hader

The Best Nirvana Poster Ever!

*Another Nirvana related incident*

*Meeting up with a friend after a couple of months*

Friend: Blah..Blah..Blah..

Me: Blah..Blah..Blah..

Friend: Blah..Blah..Blah..

Me: Blah..Blah..Blah..

Friend: Blah..Blah..Blah..

Me: Blah..Blah..Blah..

Friend: By the way….

Me: What?

Friend: I saw this awesome Nirvana poster!

Me: Where?

Friend: I can’t remember it now…

Me: Ok……

Friend: But it was really different from the usual ones.

Me: I see….

*Later, we headed back to my place for more drinking*

Friend: Now I remember where I saw the Nirvana poster!

Me: Where?

Friend: Your room!

Me: Hahahaha!

Friend: Yeah…….

dave gorhl