Smooth Operator!

I was in one those moods when I wanted to go out and meet someone new. Not to date or anything but just for the thrills. It was Friday night and I decided to go to The Humming Tree. They have good music, good crowd and it’s very easy to start a conversation.

So I reach The Humming Tree around 9 pm and I went straight to the bar and got myself a drink. Then I decided to “scope out” people. What I had in mind was, I would smile at someone and if they smiled back, I would walk to them and start a conversation. Of course, I didn’t really expected it work but what the heck, it sounded like fun.

Very soon, a pretty lady, dressed in all red walks in. She had a bob cut, wore a bright shade of red lipstick and was wearing heels.

I smiled at her.

And.

She smiled back!

Damn, first blood already!

Then.

She started walking towards me.

That escalated quickly!

Now, I had to sure that she wasn’t walking towards anyone else. So I casually glanced around and saw that I was the only one looking towards her. Damn, things had started to get serious!

She was definitely walking towards me. I honestly didn’t know what to do next. In my head, I had imagined that I would be tipsy by the time someone smiled back, so things would much smoother.

I stood up straight, shifted the drink from my right hand to the left and got ready to say hello.

She stopped in front of me.

Hi ******, how are you?

HOW.DID.SHE.KNOW.MY.NAME?

My mind started racing!

Who was she? 

Random date?

A Friend of a friend?

Did I met her earlier and I was drunk?

Does she look familiar? 

And suddenly, my mouth got a mind of its own.

Hey! S*****, good to see you! It’s been what, 10 years?

That’s why she knew me. She turned out to be a junior from school!

And to think that, I was imagining myself to be some sort of a PUA.

Disaster averted.

Phew!

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Text Much?

All of us from office had gone partying on a Friday night after work. By the end of the night, DJ was smashed drunk. Thankfully, he lived walking distance from that club.

*Perks of living in Indiranagar*

*DJ starts to head home*

*Couldn’t even walk staright*

Me: Hey!

DJ: What…?

Me: Do you need a lift?

DJ: No…. I’m good!

Me: You can’t even walk straight!

DJ: So? You can’t arrest me for that!

Me: Fair enough…

DJ: Alright, bye then!

Me: Text me when you reach!

DJ: No!

Me: Why not?

DJ: We aren’t sleeping together, ok? So there’s no need to text! Ok?

Me: Ummmm… Alright… But still, text me. Ok?

DJ: If we ain’t f***ing, I ain’t texting!

Me: Oh, god….

DJ: Yeah… That’s why!

Me: ??????

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Yes, DJ reached home safely that night and survived to drink another day!

The Jailbait!

I was at NH7 Weekender, Bangalore. AR Rahman was playing and the atmosphere was electric. I had just met this cute chick near the bar area, we got talking and we headed to watch AR Rahman together.

*AR Rahman starts playing*

Cute Chick: OMG! OMG! OMG! It’s AR!

Me: Yeah….. I know, I can see!

Cute Chick: OMG! OMG! It’s like a dream come true!

*She then proceeds to jump and wave her hands for the next ten minutes*

Me: Jeez! Calm down!

Cute Chick: I can’t! I’m just too excited!

Me: Oh god! How old are you? 21?

Cute Chick: Ummmmmm…. Yes….

Me: Oh….

Cute Chick: Yeah…..

*Awkward Silence*

*After what seemed like an eternity*

Me: So yeah…. AR Rahman is killing it!

Cute Chick: I know, right!

*Disaster Averted!*

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Tequila, Mi Amor!

I was at The Humming Tree for a concert and I happen to run into some of my old college buddies. I got pretty excited on seeing them, lots of hugs going around and other weird male bonding stuff. Probably because I was four beers down. Anyways, I was feeling happy and I ordered a round of tequila for everyone.

Yeah, not a smart idea.

Me: Cheers everyone!

College Buddy: Cheers!

*After 20 mins*

Me: Buy us a round of beer, buddy!

College Buddy: Actually, I’m not drinking tonight!

Me: What! How come?

College Buddy: Well, I quit drinking!

Me: Why?

College Buddy: Just staying sober!

Me: Alright then, I won’t force you!

College Buddy: Cool man!

Me: Alright, catch ya later!

*After 30 mins*

Me: What the…. He just drank the tequila that I bought for him! That S.O.B! He said that he quit drinking!

*That MOFO*

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When Bae Is Mad!

JK and his girlfriend JS fight a lot. Like, a lot! I’m guessing that their post-fight make up sex is really hot. Otherwise, I have no idea why anyone would fight like this.  Anyways, whenever they fight, you can feel a storm brewing under the surface and never know when it might explode.

We were en route to a camp site near Mysore called Tonnur at about 8 in the night. It’s about 3 hours drive from Bangalore.

Me: This is fun. Driving in the night, on the highway.

JS: I love long drives in the night.

JK: Hmmmm…

Me: I miss the good old days. Around 2011, everyone in my friends circle had brought a car and all of us used to go on drives on Sunday.

JS: I used to do that with my friends too!

Me: We did that very regularly till the petrol prices skyrocketed. After that, driving just for fun seemed like a waste of money. 

JS: We used to hire a cab and go on a drive on the highway after clubbing and then visit a Cafe Coffee Day on the highway. We would be high and the cool breeze on the highway would be so soothing!

Me: Yeah… I miss that feeling. 

JS: Me too! I wish we could do something like that very often. 

JK: That’s such a stupid f***ing idea!

JS: Why? What’s wrong with it? Not everyone likes getting smashed at every party! So smashed that they can’t even talk properly!

JK: It’s a stupid idea to drive after drinking! It’s so stupid! Are you still in college? Stop living in the past!

JS We don’t drink and drive, alright! We hire a cab!

JK: It’s a waste of money!

JS: Yeah, whatever!

Me: Ummmmmm… What’s happenning?

JK: Dude! She crashed my car!

JS: No, I didn’t! He hit the car against the pillar next to his car park!

Me: Really?

JK: Dude! It’s common sense ok! 

Me: What is?

JK: There was parking available in lot no. 12 and no.14 and she parked it between at no. 13!

Me: Ummmmm…. Ok…

JK: Who does that! No wonder my car got damaged! While taking the car out, it hit the pillar!

JS: While YOU were DRIVING!

JK: Who parks in an unlucky slot! It’s common sense! Isn’t it dude?

Me: I. Can’t.Even.Imagine. 

 

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Being Mughal And All…

I was craving for some Mughlai biryani.

Me: Man, I wanna have some Mughlai biryani for lunch!

Bro: Go for it!

Me: Why isn’t there a Lazeez near our house?

Bro: I know right?

Me: Looks like we have no other choice than going to Esplanade!

Bro: Why Explanade?

Me: Because they have Mughlai biryani!

Bro: Since when? 

Me: Since forever!

Bro: But it’s a Bengali restaurant!

Me: I know! And they serve Mughlai biryani!

Bro: So we’re basically Mughlai? Descendants of the Mughals?

Me: Dafaq did you smoke? 

Bro: Eh?

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Are You A Belieber?

I was at Stones and I thought I saw my friend TK there. Since I wasn’t sure, so I texted her. Later I figured out that it wasn’t her.

TK replied the next day.

TK: Hey!

Me: Wassup?

TK: Sorry, didn’t reply last night.

Me: It’s ok…

TK: I wasn’t sure if that text was for me.

Me: That’s fine. There was a chick there who looked just like you, but later I figured out that it wasn’t you!

TK: Hahaha! Really? How’d you figure out that?

Me: Well, for starters her boyfriend looked like Justin Beiber. You know, long hair with bangs and an emo hairstyle.

TK: Yikes!

Me: I know what your boyfriend looks like…

TK: Hmmmmm…

Me: Also, she did her tongue down his throat during most of the evening. So, I was pretty sure that wasn’t you!

TK: Hey! Too much info! Besides, how’d you know that I don’t have my tongue down his throat?

Me: Well, you aren’t into Justin Bieber!

TK: Good save…

Me: Totally! 😉

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