Being Mughal And All…

I was craving for some Mughlai biryani.

Me: Man, I wanna have some Mughlai biryani for lunch!

Bro: Go for it!

Me: Why isn’t there a Lazeez near our house?

Bro: I know right?

Me: Looks like we have no other choice than going to Esplanade!

Bro: Why Explanade?

Me: Because they have Mughlai biryani!

Bro: Since when? 

Me: Since forever!

Bro: But it’s a Bengali restaurant!

Me: I know! And they serve Mughlai biryani!

Bro: So we’re basically Mughlai? Descendants of the Mughals?

Me: Dafaq did you smoke? 

Bro: Eh?

supernatural-dean-winchester-facepalm

Tastes Like Pink – 2

DJ was conspicuously missing from office for the past few days. To get to the bottom of his disappearance I decided to give him a call.

Me: Oye!

DJ: Hey!

Me: Why have you been bunking work?

DJ: F***er! I never bunk office! I’m really sick!

Me: What are you with sick with?

DJ: Food poisoning!

Me: Oh really?

DJ: Yeah!

Me: What have you been eating?

DJ: Bread and curd for the past two weeks. Before that, I have no idea.

Me: Yeah… You were probably eating some bad pussy!

DJ: No man! It’s been a few months since I ate that! The last few times it was on the menu but I stayed away because it was raining!

Me: You male chauvinistic pig!

DJ: What sh*t!

Me: You only take and you never give!

DJ: I give occasionally. It makes me appreciate my generosity more…

Me: Hahahaha… What sh*t!

DJ: Sort of like Jesus during the last supper!

Me: B*tch please! Now you going overboard!

DJ: No ways!

Me: Stick to being Johnny Bravo!

DJ: Archer!

Me: Done.

DJ: Done.

Me: Chu…..

facepalm02

Gone Girl!

Le Gf and I were discussing about the latest dressing trend in Bangalore.

Me: Is it just me or most young women in Bangalore are beginning to dress the same?

Le Gf: Go on…

Me: Hear me out. All of them wear black jeggings, leggings or whatever they are called. They pair that up with a cropped top, long hair that’s parted sideways and bright shade of red lipstick, say Ruby Woo by MAC.

Le Gf: Yeah….

Me: I wonder where do get people get away with calling themselves individualistic and yet manage to be part of the herd…

Le Gf: Imagine if your girl got kidnapped and you went to cops to report it?

Me: Why?

Le Gf: So you would have to describe her right?

Me: Yeah….

Le Gf: So…. She was wearing black leggings, blue cropped top, long hair parted sideways, red lipstick!

Me: Hahahaha!

Le Gf: Cops are gonna be like “Bro… You just described all the girls in the city!”

Me: Yeah… Poor souls…

 

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This post has been issued in public interested. Please dress differently. Just saying. I don’t want upload pics to prove a point!

Honey. Mustard. Mayo.

Mom and I were making dips for starters at home.

Me: Here, try this…

Mom: Yummy! It’s delicious!

*Dad enters the scene*

Dad: Give me some too!

Me: Here!

Dad: Yummy! What is it?

Me: Honey Mustard Mayo!

Dad: What does it have?

Me: It’s Honey Mustard Mayo!

Dad: So… What did you make it with?

Me: Well…. Honey… Mustard and Mayonnaise…

Dad: Oh nice…

Me: #Facepalm

 

what-did-you-just-say

She’s With Me, Bro!

I’m going to try and write fluff. You know, flowery language and stuff..

So……

It was New Years’ Eve and everyone was scrambling about to figure out their evening scenes. After much deliberation, JK, his girlfriend JS, Paaji, his wife NS, Le Gf and I zeroed in on the party at Counter Culture. Dualist  Inquiry was headlining and The F-16’s were the opening act. Yup, the night was set. The place was decked up in all it’s grandeur and crowd was swanky. Add to that, it was an all-you-eat buffet and all-you-can drink booze.

Moving forward….

As the clock struck 12 midnight, the whole place erupted into an euphoric daze. The bartender poured 90 ml – patiala shots for everyone and party got even wilder. Everyone greeted everyone, couples were united and single people scoped out their bed-mates for the night. While JK had to excuse himself to go to the loo, JS was hanging around the bar. The keyboardist of The F-16’s walked upto her. He was tall, slim and handsome. Just like in the books. Add to that, he had an afro. Beat that. Now, JS was no less of a hottie either. She was the type of woman, who would get your girlfriend jealous just by her mere presence. And the guys, they don’t even stand a chance. Reference movie – She’s Out Of Your League. Comprende?

He was getting acquainted with JS with the usual, “Hi, what’s your name…. Whom are you with?… What are you doing by the bar all by yourself?” and the so on. Soon he felt a tap on his shoulder. Assuming that it was probably another fan wanting to wish him New Year, he turned around with a smug on his face, only to find himself face to face with a 6ft tall JK. Now, JK is a Sardar and a very well built one. He’s the type whom you’d call while going on a rampage spree.

Now, what happened next will. Blow. Your. Mind!

Not really.

Pretty Boy: Yeah?

JK: What do you think you are doing?

Pretty Boy: I’m just talking to her, man….

JK: Yeah?

Pretty Boy: Yeah man!

JK: She’s with me!

Pretty Boy: Oh really?

JK: Yup!

Pretty Boy: I had no idea!

JK: Well, now you do!

Pretty Boy: Oh… Yeah sure… Well… Can you point me towards some pretty ladies?

JK: Anywhere but here, bro….

Pretty Boy: Errrrr… Absolutely!

*Runs off*

 

*JS bursts out laughing*

And  ladies and gentlemen, this how you get KLPD’ed.

#JustSaying

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Et Tu, Brute?

Le Gf, JK, his gf – JS and I were headed out for the evening. Double date sorta thing.

While coming towards the car, JK and JS seemed to fighting about something.

*As they entered the car*

JS: I don’t like the smell ok?

JK: Then you don’t have any taste in life!

JS: Look… It just doesn’t smell good ok?

JK: What are you talking about? It’s a classic smell!

Me: What are you both arguing about?

JS: He uses Brut cologne. I told him that the fragrance doesn’t suit him. He wont listen to me!

JK: Dude! It’s Brut! It’s a classic fragrance!

JS: It’s gives off an old-man-like-smell!

JK: Look! It’s Brut! Argument closed!

JS: Whatever! Don’t complain if I’m always standing far away from you!

JK: Dude!

Me: Yeah?

JK: You have used Brut right?

Me: Yes… Once upon a time…

JK: Tell me, which woman doesn’t like the smell of Brut? It’s a classic musk smell!

Me: Ummmm…. Women who don’t have any daddy issues, don’t like Brut? Because it reminds them of that “Old Man Smell”….

JS: Aha! Told you!

JK: Chu….!

Me: Hahaha!

 

lol