Holi Is Not A Holiday!

*Chilling at home with my brother*

Him: So what plans on Holi?

Me: Nothing really. The usual. Make bhang, then drink it and play Holi.

Him: The entire day?

Me: No, only in the evening.

Him: And the rest of the day?

Me: I’ve office.

Him: What??!

Me: What?

Him: We have office on Holi?

Me: Yes.

Him: Since when?

Me: Since always!

Him: What? Holi isn’t a national holiday?

Me: Nope!

Him: What! My entire life has been a lie!

Me: Not like you celebrate Holi!
Him: So?

Me: Nevermind.

Him: This is bullshit! Just pure bullshit! No holiday on Holi!

*Storms off*

Here’s what really happened:

 

Breaking dreams be like…. #holi #bro #conversation #thursday #bangalore #instavideo

A video posted by The Kolesmeister (@kolesmeister) on

The Great O!

*At office*

*Discussing about cars*

DMM: Hey!

Me: What?

DMM: Have you noticed that all Mahindra cars end with an O?

Me: Really?

DMM: Yup!

Me: Hmmmmm….

DMM: Think about it! Bolero, Scorpio, Xylo, Verito, e2o, Quanto….

Me: Well….

DMM: I’m telling you! All their cars end an O!

Me: What about KUV? And TUV?

DMM: Well….. It’s KUV100 and TUV300. So technically, it still ends with O.

Me: Not really….

DMM: Yes!

Me: Fine! What about Thar?

DMM: Thar?

Me: The jeep! Mahindra Thar!

DMM: Ummmmm….. Exceptions…?

Me: Chu…

DMM: Don’t be a spoilsport!

Me: #Facepalm!

arrested_development

The Nirvana Kingslayer!

*On a date*

*Wearing my Kingslayer T-shirt*

Date: Blah..Blah..Blah..

Me: Blah..Blah..Blah..

Date: Blah..Blah..Blah..

Me: Blah..Blah..Blah..

Date: Blah..Blah..Blah..

Me: Blah..Blah..Blah..

Date: By the way….

Me: Yeah?

Date: I love your Nirvana T-Shirt!

Me: My what?

*Pointing at my T-shirt*

Date: Your Nirvana T-shirt! The one that you’re wearing right now! I love Kurt Cobain!

Me: Ummm…. That’s Jaime Lannister!

Date: Who?

Me: The Kingslayer!

Date: Who?

Me: Do you even watch The Game of Thrones?

Date: Nope! Never! No time for that!

Me: ……….

*Awkward Silence*

jaime-lannister

That Burn!

Talking to my friend ANJ about my obsession with graphic t-shirts.

Me: I’m into graphic t-shirts.

ANJ: Uh…Huh…

Me: Check my X-men t-shirt!

ANJ: Uh….Huh…

Me: What? It’s pretty awesome!

ANJ: You know…

Me: What?

ANJ: Unless you’re a chick, no one really gives a shit about what’s on your t-shirt!

Me: Ouch….

ANJ: Yup…..

#Burn

burn

Down The Mammary Lane…

DB’s got a habit of addressing me as “My Man” and “My Main Man”. The new kid in the office, MMC hadn’t quite gotten used to that.

DB: My man!

Me: Yo!

DB: My main man!

Me: Oh yeah!

*High five*

MMC: What did you say?

DB: My main man!

MMC: What?

DB: My main man!

MMC: My mamme?

DB: Hahaha! 

Me: What the….. 

MMC: What? You guys are the ones screaming out mamme!

DB: Hahahahaha!

*If didn’t get the joke, look up mamme 😉 *

reaction-lauging-lold

 

The Party For The Undead!

All of us from office had gone out for lunch. On the way back, a hearse was passing by. Now, I’m not sure whether all hearses are like this or it’s just limited to Southern India, but this was the one with the body in a tempo van, followed by a bunch of people playing drums, dancing, drinking and bursting crackers.

Anyhow, DMM was with us and he got super excitement look at the hearse and the parade around it.

DMM: Man, this looks like a trippy party!

All of us: Uh…huh…

DMM: I just wanna party like that!

All of us: Uh…huh…

DMM: Just walking on the streets, drinking, dancing and what not!

All of us: Uh…huh…

DMM: Just listen to the music! 

All of us: Yeah we can hear it and if you haven’t realized, they are holding up the traffic.

DMM: Imagine.. You’ll be having fun while everyone else will be just stuck in their cars!

All of us: Uh…huh…

DMM: We should do something like this for office!

All of us: Like what?

DMM: You know…. Hire a van, stock it with booze and we drive around town. We can even dance on the streets!

All of us: You want that for the office?

DMM: Yes!

All of us: You know that was a hearse, right?

DMM: Oh… Was it?

All of us: Yes! What did you think was in the van? 

DMM: Booze and food?

All of us: The body, dude!! The dead body!

DMM: Oh…. Awkward.. 

 

surprised-keanu-reeves-movie

 

Acquiring A Taste For It…

DMM and I were scrolling through some posts on 9Gag.

Me: Man, babies are like little drunk people!

DMM: Yeah, man!

Me: Ha! Look at this kid!

DMM: Hahah! But you know…

Me: Know what?

DMM: Not many people like babies.

Me: What are you saying? Everyone likes babies! Or atleast till they learn to talk.

DMM: No, seriously! People don’t like babies at all!

Me: Then how’d you explain India’s massive population?

DMM: Well, I guess people develop a taste for it!

Me: Like, really? Develop a taste for babies or f***ing?

DMM: Both, I guess?

Me: #DafaqDidIHear!

wtf-robert-downey-jr