The Nirvana Kingslayer!

*On a date*

*Wearing my Kingslayer T-shirt*

Date: Blah..Blah..Blah..

Me: Blah..Blah..Blah..

Date: Blah..Blah..Blah..

Me: Blah..Blah..Blah..

Date: Blah..Blah..Blah..

Me: Blah..Blah..Blah..

Date: By the way….

Me: Yeah?

Date: I love your Nirvana T-Shirt!

Me: My what?

*Pointing at my T-shirt*

Date: Your Nirvana T-shirt! The one that you’re wearing right now! I love Kurt Cobain!

Me: Ummm…. That’s Jaime Lannister!

Date: Who?

Me: The Kingslayer!

Date: Who?

Me: Do you even watch The Game of Thrones?

Date: Nope! Never! No time for that!

Me: ……….

*Awkward Silence*

jaime-lannister

In Time…

MS and I were watching TV on our swanky new Airtel HD plus. Or whatever that thing is called. You know, the one with the live TV pausing and all.

MS: Dude…

*Pause Live TV*

Me: What?

MS: Blah… Blah…

Me: Blah…Blah…

MS: Ok….

*Resume watching TV*

*After five mins*

MS: Dude…

*Pause Live TV*

Me: What?

MS: Blah… Blah…

Me: Blah…Blah…

MS: Ok….

*Resume watching TV*

*After five mins*

MS: Dude…

*Pause Live TV*

Me: What?

MS: Blah… Blah…

Me: Blah…Blah…

MS: Ok….

*Resume watching TV*

*After ten mins*

MS: Dude!

*Pause Live TV*

Me: Yeah…

MS: We’re watching pre-recorded TV right?

Me: Yeah, every time I pause, the TV starts recording the feed and we watch TV at our convenience. 

MS: Ah…Ok….

Me: Pretty cool right..?

MS: Yeah… But if it’s recorded, why are we watching the ads? We can skip through that right?

Me: Errrrr…. Yeah…. I didn’t think of that!

MS: I know, right!

*Mind blown*

That70showstoned

*Man, we were so stoned*

Big Round Ones!

Time: 10:30 pm

Location: Hall

Scene: The three of us are just back from work, all stressed out. We started watching The Other Guys on UTV Action.

*Allen and Terry have just accepted the first bribe from Ershon. They go to a basketball game and while leaving, Brooke Shields tells Allen, ‘Call me’*

Me: Whoa! Did you see who that was?

MS: Who?

Me: That chick man! That hottie!

CG: Who?

Me: Dude! The one who comes on Entourage. She acts in a movie with Drama and when he’s hugging her, he gets hard!

MS: Oh yeah….He’s playing her brother or something right? 

Me: Yup! She comes in The Blue Lagoon as well!

CG: Oh really?

Me: Yeah man…..

MS: Does she come in NFS?

Me: No man. That’s someone else!

MS: Hmmmmm….

Me: Oh wait! That’s Brooke Shields!

MS: Brooke Shields?

Me: Yeah!

MS: Who comes in NFS then?

Me: You mean NFS Underground 2?

MS: Yeah!

Me: That’s Brooke Burke!

MS: Really? Hmmmmmm….. Don’t we have someone in India called Shields as well?

Me: Yeah, Aruna Shields!

MS: Hahahaha… Yeah!

CG: Who’s she?

Me: Some B-Grade actress…

MS: There’s another Brooke no?

Me: Who?

MS: I don’t know… Wait! Kelly Brook!

Me: Oh yeah!

MS: What does she come in?

Me: Three / Survivor Island!

MS: Doesn’t ring a bell.

Me: Shes gets stranded on an island with the ship cook and keeps on banging him. Lots of *action* scenes and shots of her lovely tits!

MS: Nice…. She’s got a nice pair right?

Me: Oh yeah…. Au naturale…

CG: Wait! Let me google her…

*CG takes out his Sony Xperia S and googles her*

CG: Holy crap! Look at her tits!

Me & MS: Yeah….. Nice right?

CG: Man, I could rest between her boobs and lie there forever!

MS: Of course you do! You’re a man! You’ve got urges!

CG: Thank god my laptop is repaired! The fap station is BACK!

Me: Hahahahaha! F*** off!

 

faf meme gif

PS: After we finished leching at Kelly Brooke, we proceeded to Keely Hazell, Lucy Pinder and finally Denise Milani. It was a good day for mankind.

Gas, Ass or Grass – No One Rides For Free!

CG, MS and I were watching the finale of MTV Splitsvilla 6 and one of the ads that caught my attention was the ad for the new Yamaha FZ-R. The ad ended with the guy choosing to spend the rest of the night by taking his bike out for a ride, instead of choosing to bed the gorgeous chick he was dancing with. She wanted it bad, real bad. 😀

Me: So MS, what would you choose? The bike or the babe?

MS: Well….I would put the girl behind me on the bike, take her to my room and bang her! FTW!

Me: No, you can’t have both. Either choose the bike or the babe!

MS: It depends on the bike and the babe.

Me: Ok…Let’s see. Which chick do you find hot from Splitsvilla? Shatakshi? Subuhi? Ruby?

MS: Hmmmm….I really don’t like anyone from Splitsvilla.

Me: Not even one? C’mon look at them!

MS: Hmmmmm… I guess Mandy is cute.

Me: Awesome, so would you wanna bang her?

MS: Hahaha. Yeah, sure.. Why not?

Me: Why are you laughing so much?

MS: Where is she? Is she standing outside? Is that her knocking on the door? Or she is already in my room?

*MS starts walking around the house, peeping into all the rooms, opening the front doot and so on*

MS: Or are you going to use your contacts and get her here? Tell me? If she’s here, then I’d definitely want to bang her!

Me: Errrrrr…

MS: So does that answer your question?

Me: Seeesh…. You don’t have to be a d*ck about it!

 

bitch-slap-cat-fight-gif

Narcissistic Much?

CG and I are watching Game Of Thrones.

 

CG: Dude..

Me: Yeah?

CG: Which character do you see yourself as in Game Of Thrones?

Me: Ummmmmm, Tywin Lannister!

CG: Really?

Me: Yeah man….

CG: Hahahahaha….. F*** off  man! Tywin Lannister it seems! 

Me: Dude, why not?

CG: Tywin Lanisster is a cunning bugger. 

Me: So am I!

CG: F*** off! You’re a narcissistic f***er! You’re one **************************************************! (Too vulgar to type)

Me: Errrrrrr….. Never mind!  

 

im_watching_you

Why You Hating, Bro?

*Watching the new DishTV HDTV ad during IPL, featuring Shahrukh Khan*

Shahrukh Khan: This is atrocious! This is fake! Blah…., blah….., blah….., blah….., blah….., blah….., blah….., blah….., blah….., blah….., blah…..,  blah!

Everything is clearer on HD. Whether it’s Bollywood or Hollywood!

MS: Including your wrinkles, you old hag!

Me: Why you hating bro?

MS: Because he’s a *****************************************************************************!

Me: Whoa! We’ve got a badass here!

we-have-a-badass-over-here

Here’s the ad:

Let’s Party, Like It’s 1999!

MS and I were high as a kite when we decided to throw a party during the coming weekend. Then we realized that due to the upcoming elections, all the booze shops in Bangalore would be closed on Friday, Saturday and Sunday. We were at Wednesday.

After making a few calls, we decided to do a booze run and stock up the booze. We took everyone’s order. This is what we had to pick up.

1. Smirnoff Espresso – Full

2. Smirnoff Regular – Half

3. Eristoff – Full

4. Old Monk – Full

5. 8PM – Full

6. Royal Stag – Full

7. Signature – Half

8. Cashew Fenny – Full x 2

(Yeah, we party like it’s 1999)

We managed to reach our local booze boutique (Yes, we Bangaloreans are a classy lot. We have booze boutiques!)

We managed to pick up everything on our list, which wasn’t easy because we were high.

This is what we where like:

Anyways, MS’s eyes fell on this beauty.

IMG-20130502-00431

MS: I don’t care how much this costs, we gotta buy this! 

*I check the price, it was the same as buying a full bottle of Smirnoff*

Me: Deal! Lets do it! 

*We reached our home safely, tugging along all that booze*

MS: C’mon! Hurry up! I wanna see the new addition to our collection! 

*I start opening the box*

Me: Ok, here’s the bottle. And here is the……

*Out comes a bottle of coke*

MS: Where dafaq is the glass?

Me: Bloody hell!

*We were so high that we didn’t read the box. The box said free coke not free glass. We’s assumed that the glass was free due to the illustration*

Me: Dude! The box says free coke! Not glass! We’ve been trolled! 

MS: Dafaq! No one can know about this! 

Me: Errrrrr, alright! 

tricko-tobey-maguire-funny-face-200x200