The Nirvana Kingslayer!

*On a date*

*Wearing my Kingslayer T-shirt*

Date: Blah..Blah..Blah..

Me: Blah..Blah..Blah..

Date: Blah..Blah..Blah..

Me: Blah..Blah..Blah..

Date: Blah..Blah..Blah..

Me: Blah..Blah..Blah..

Date: By the way….

Me: Yeah?

Date: I love your Nirvana T-Shirt!

Me: My what?

*Pointing at my T-shirt*

Date: Your Nirvana T-shirt! The one that you’re wearing right now! I love Kurt Cobain!

Me: Ummm…. That’s Jaime Lannister!

Date: Who?

Me: The Kingslayer!

Date: Who?

Me: Do you even watch The Game of Thrones?

Date: Nope! Never! No time for that!

Me: ……….

*Awkward Silence*

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Deliciously Delectable!

AB and I were out for lunch at Toit.

AB: Have you decided what you’re planning to have?

Me: No… Pass me the menu.

AB: Here

*Passes me the menu*

*As I was scrolling through the menu, a gorgeous woman passed by our table*

Me: I know what I’m having!

AB: Oh yeah….! Good choice, man!

*AB starts grinning*

Me: What?

AB: Oh….

Me: What?

AB: When you said, “I know what I’m having”, you were talking about food right?

Me: Yup… And you assumed that I was talking about that hot chick that passed by our table?

AB: Yup….

Me: Douche…

AB: My bad…

 

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That Burn!

Talking to my friend ANJ about my obsession with graphic t-shirts.

Me: I’m into graphic t-shirts.

ANJ: Uh…Huh…

Me: Check my X-men t-shirt!

ANJ: Uh….Huh…

Me: What? It’s pretty awesome!

ANJ: You know…

Me: What?

ANJ: Unless you’re a chick, no one really gives a shit about what’s on your t-shirt!

Me: Ouch….

ANJ: Yup…..

#Burn

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MAMA MIA!

Our office had recently adopted a kitten. I was on leave on the day that it had happened. When I went to office the next day, I was very surprised to hear that she was named Mia Khalifa. Yes, you read that right.

Me: So you guys named the cat Mia Khalifa?

LB: Yeah… She’s Wiz Khalifa’s cousin, right?

Me: Well…

DB: Of course, she is!

Me: Yes, I had forgotten!

LB: I like that name…

Us: *suppressing laughter* Okies! 

*After 30 mins*

LB: Wait a min! WB come here!

WB: What?

LB: I know who Mia Khalifa is!

WB: Wiz Khalifa’s cousin!

LB: She’s a pornstar!

WB: The worlds best pornstar!

LB: Arrrrghhh!

Me: You really didn’t know who Mia Khalifa was?

LB: No!

Me: You must be living under a rock!

LB: Chu…

parks-and-recreation-surprised

Wanna see the little monster?

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When Bae Is Mad!

JK and his girlfriend JS fight a lot. Like, a lot! I’m guessing that their post-fight make up sex is really hot. Otherwise, I have no idea why anyone would fight like this.  Anyways, whenever they fight, you can feel a storm brewing under the surface and never know when it might explode.

We were en route to a camp site near Mysore called Tonnur at about 8 in the night. It’s about 3 hours drive from Bangalore.

Me: This is fun. Driving in the night, on the highway.

JS: I love long drives in the night.

JK: Hmmmm…

Me: I miss the good old days. Around 2011, everyone in my friends circle had brought a car and all of us used to go on drives on Sunday.

JS: I used to do that with my friends too!

Me: We did that very regularly till the petrol prices skyrocketed. After that, driving just for fun seemed like a waste of money. 

JS: We used to hire a cab and go on a drive on the highway after clubbing and then visit a Cafe Coffee Day on the highway. We would be high and the cool breeze on the highway would be so soothing!

Me: Yeah… I miss that feeling. 

JS: Me too! I wish we could do something like that very often. 

JK: That’s such a stupid f***ing idea!

JS: Why? What’s wrong with it? Not everyone likes getting smashed at every party! So smashed that they can’t even talk properly!

JK: It’s a stupid idea to drive after drinking! It’s so stupid! Are you still in college? Stop living in the past!

JS We don’t drink and drive, alright! We hire a cab!

JK: It’s a waste of money!

JS: Yeah, whatever!

Me: Ummmmmm… What’s happenning?

JK: Dude! She crashed my car!

JS: No, I didn’t! He hit the car against the pillar next to his car park!

Me: Really?

JK: Dude! It’s common sense ok! 

Me: What is?

JK: There was parking available in lot no. 12 and no.14 and she parked it between at no. 13!

Me: Ummmmm…. Ok…

JK: Who does that! No wonder my car got damaged! While taking the car out, it hit the pillar!

JS: While YOU were DRIVING!

JK: Who parks in an unlucky slot! It’s common sense! Isn’t it dude?

Me: I. Can’t.Even.Imagine. 

 

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Down The Mammary Lane…

DB’s got a habit of addressing me as “My Man” and “My Main Man”. The new kid in the office, MMC hadn’t quite gotten used to that.

DB: My man!

Me: Yo!

DB: My main man!

Me: Oh yeah!

*High five*

MMC: What did you say?

DB: My main man!

MMC: What?

DB: My main man!

MMC: My mamme?

DB: Hahaha! 

Me: What the….. 

MMC: What? You guys are the ones screaming out mamme!

DB: Hahahahaha!

*If didn’t get the joke, look up mamme 😉 *

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The Party For The Undead!

All of us from office had gone out for lunch. On the way back, a hearse was passing by. Now, I’m not sure whether all hearses are like this or it’s just limited to Southern India, but this was the one with the body in a tempo van, followed by a bunch of people playing drums, dancing, drinking and bursting crackers.

Anyhow, DMM was with us and he got super excitement look at the hearse and the parade around it.

DMM: Man, this looks like a trippy party!

All of us: Uh…huh…

DMM: I just wanna party like that!

All of us: Uh…huh…

DMM: Just walking on the streets, drinking, dancing and what not!

All of us: Uh…huh…

DMM: Just listen to the music! 

All of us: Yeah we can hear it and if you haven’t realized, they are holding up the traffic.

DMM: Imagine.. You’ll be having fun while everyone else will be just stuck in their cars!

All of us: Uh…huh…

DMM: We should do something like this for office!

All of us: Like what?

DMM: You know…. Hire a van, stock it with booze and we drive around town. We can even dance on the streets!

All of us: You want that for the office?

DMM: Yes!

All of us: You know that was a hearse, right?

DMM: Oh… Was it?

All of us: Yes! What did you think was in the van? 

DMM: Booze and food?

All of us: The body, dude!! The dead body!

DMM: Oh…. Awkward.. 

 

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