In Time…

MS and I were watching TV on our swanky new Airtel HD plus. Or whatever that thing is called. You know, the one with the live TV pausing and all.

MS: Dude…

*Pause Live TV*

Me: What?

MS: Blah… Blah…

Me: Blah…Blah…

MS: Ok….

*Resume watching TV*

*After five mins*

MS: Dude…

*Pause Live TV*

Me: What?

MS: Blah… Blah…

Me: Blah…Blah…

MS: Ok….

*Resume watching TV*

*After five mins*

MS: Dude…

*Pause Live TV*

Me: What?

MS: Blah… Blah…

Me: Blah…Blah…

MS: Ok….

*Resume watching TV*

*After ten mins*

MS: Dude!

*Pause Live TV*

Me: Yeah…

MS: We’re watching pre-recorded TV right?

Me: Yeah, every time I pause, the TV starts recording the feed and we watch TV at our convenience. 

MS: Ah…Ok….

Me: Pretty cool right..?

MS: Yeah… But if it’s recorded, why are we watching the ads? We can skip through that right?

Me: Errrrr…. Yeah…. I didn’t think of that!

MS: I know, right!

*Mind blown*

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*Man, we were so stoned*

Roomies Be Crazy

Most of my female friends complain that their boyfriends spend so much time with their roommates that it feels like they have a baby or a third wheel at all times. I laugh it off, telling them that they are just delusional but they keep on insisting that their significant others are in a domestic partnership with their roommates.

Anyhow, I started believing this after watching my brother and his roommate fight. My brother and his roommate were staying over for the week. They had a week long holiday and they thought that they’ll chill in Bangalore during that time.

Then this happened.

Bro: Dude!

Roomie: Yeah?

Bro: Did you pay the electricity bill?

Roomie: Ummm… No dude…

Bro: Why not?

Roomie: I forgot bro…

Bro: What the f***, dude!

Roomie: I was high dude, it completely skipped my mind!

Bro: How many times did I remind you to pay the electricity bill?

Did I not give you the money for it already?

How could you forget?

This happens all the time!

Why are you always high?

Why do I have fix all your f*** ups?

Why can’t you function like a normal human being for once?

It’s like you don’t even listen to me!

Are you even listening to me?

Roomie: Chill dude, we’ll go back and pay the bill!

Bro: You stupid f***!

By the time we go back, they would have cut the power!

The last day to pay the bill was the day we left!

The things in the fridge will go bad!

Do you ever think about things like that?

Do you? Of course not! Because you are a f***ing retard!

Roomie: Bro… Chill bro!

Bro: Chill? You want to me chill?

Then pay the f***ing electricity bill on time for once!

Act like the a grown up for once!

*This went on for the next 20 minutes*

*Yes, twenty minutes*

*After the ranting*

Me: Wow! You guys are like a proper couple!

Bro: ^&*(#6@$^!

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Sock It Up!

I had been noticing that CG happened to wear the same pair of socks since June 2012. I wasn’t sure whether all his socks were the same color or if he just had only one pair of those god awful socks.

 

Me: Dude!

CG: What?

Me: Is it just me or do you actually have only one pair of socks?

CG: Errrrrr… I just have this one pair!

Me: Ha! Knew it! 

CG: So?

Me: Why on earth do you Earth do you have only one pair of sock?

CG: As opposed to having multiple pairs on Mars? 😛

Me: Don’t be a c***! Tell!

CG: I dunno! I don’t have money!

Me: Dude! A pair is about 100 bucks! Don’t smoke for a week and you’d have money for your socks!

CG: No time to buy them! 

Me: Stop giving excuses! Just buy them off Myntra or Jabong! You’ve been wearing the same pair of socks for eternity. See, it’s even changed color!

CG: I don’t wanna buy socks online!

Me: Stop being such a wuss about it! The GOSF is around the corner. Buy it then! 

CG: Jeez! Fine! If it gets you to stop nagging then I will! 

*CG buys a pair of socks during the GOSF*

*After a month, I noticed that CG was still wearing his old socks*

Me: Didn’t you buy new socks recently?

CG: Yeah, I did!

Me: Why aren’t you wearing them?

CG: Cos they don’t fit me!

Me: What do you mean?

CG: The socks are small for me. I brought the wrong size.

Me: Socks come in a single size! What are you talking about?

CG: Here, I’ll show you!

*CG wears his newly brought socks and show it me. The sock comes till his ankle*

CG: See, it’s doesn’t fit. It’s too small!

*I’m on the floor laughing*

Me: It’s an ankle sock, you dumbf***!

CG: A what?

Me: An ankle sock, it’s supposed to only come till your ankle!

CG: Ah ok….. Don’t tell anyone ok?

Me: Sure, why not?

 

 

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Let’s Take It Outside!

Here I was, trying to write a blog post. Unfortunately I couldn’t concentrate because CG, MS and VS  were watching a Rajnikanth flick in the hall. Being the Rajnikanth fanboys they are, every action sequence was met with “Maccha, semma scene da” or “Macchi, appidi pode” or just permutations and combinations of the previous two lines.

After half hour of trying to write, I got bugged, walked into the living room and decided to give them a piece of my mind.

Me: What the hell is happening? Why you people acting like hooligans in a seedy theater?

Everyone: Dude! It’s Rajni man! It’s RAJNI!

Me: So?

Everyone: So? So? How dare you dis Rajni? He’s our Thalaiva!

Me: Big deal! Turn the volume down!

CG: Or else?

Me: Or else I’m gonna beat the sh*t out of you!

CG: Oh yeah? 

Me: Yes! You wanna mess with me? You wanna mess with me, punk?

*CG stands up. He’s a good couple of inches taller than me*

CG: You were saying?

Me: I said, “You wanna take this outside?”.

CG: You wanna take me on? 

Me: Sure, why not? Unless you’re scared!

CG: You talk too much! Let’s do this! Let’s take this outside!

*Both of us walk towards the front door*

Me: I’m going to whoop your skinny a** to the ground!

CG: We’ll see about that!

*CG walks out of the front door*

*SLAM*

*I shut the front door shut with CG outside*

*It’s around 12 degrees outside and CG is his boxers*

CG: You sneaky f***! Let me in!

*Loud banging on the door*

Me: You wanted to take it outside? Now stay outside!

CG: Dude! It’s freezing outside and I’m in my undies!

Me: Anyone else wanna take it outside? 

MS & VS: Ummmmm, yeah we’ll tone it down. 

 

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PS: Don’t worry, I let CG back in after 15 minutes.

Huge Jacked Man!

Location: Hall

Setting: Lazy Sunday evening and all of us are in the hall, drinking bhang. Yes, I make bhang even when it’s not Holi. I’m cool like that.

 

All of us were zoned out.

Me: You know…. I can’t believe that this guy is the new brand ambassador for these people.

MS: Whom are you talking about? What are you talking about?

Me: Dude…….. This guy man! He comes in that movie!

CG: Which movie?

Me: That movie with the…….

MS: With the what….?

Me: Errrrrr…. I forgot!

CG: You c****!

Me: Yeah……

*After 10 mins*

Me: That’s the name! Jack Hughman! He’s the new brand ambassador for Micromax!

MS: Ah… Ok…!

*After 5 mins*

CG: Isn’t it Hugh Jackman?!?

Me: Oh yeah…. Yeah….. It is!

Everyone: How stoned are you?

Me: Apparently very much! Let’s all have another glass!

Everyone: Cheers!

 

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