Come Hither…

After a long day of work at the office.

Me: Man, I’m so sleepy. All I want to do crawl into my bed!

MM: Me too! 

Everyone: Haha!

MM: No, no! I meant my bed! 

Me: Sure thing… 😉

MM: No really! I want to crawl into bed, all by myself! Ok?

Everyone: Hahahah!

MM: Aargh!!!!

Me: Hey…

MM: WHAT?!

Me: Anytime you want ok? Anytime… 😉

MM: Chu….

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Acquiring A Taste For It…

DMM and I were scrolling through some posts on 9Gag.

Me: Man, babies are like little drunk people!

DMM: Yeah, man!

Me: Ha! Look at this kid!

DMM: Hahah! But you know…

Me: Know what?

DMM: Not many people like babies.

Me: What are you saying? Everyone likes babies! Or atleast till they learn to talk.

DMM: No, seriously! People don’t like babies at all!

Me: Then how’d you explain India’s massive population?

DMM: Well, I guess people develop a taste for it!

Me: Like, really? Develop a taste for babies or f***ing?

DMM: Both, I guess?

Me: #DafaqDidIHear!

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Pitches Be Crazy!

I guess every industry has its own set of jargon and advertising being advertising has its share of jargon too. Now people outside of advertising may not be properly acquianted with these terms but they sure do lead to some hilarious conversations.

GC texted me on a weekday.

GC: What you upto?

Me: Nothing much. Just working on a couple of pitches. 

*For the uninitiated, pitch refers to the presentation that you present to the client in order to win their business*

GC: Pitches, huh?

Me: Yup!

GC: You mean punk b*tches, right?

Me: What? How did you arrive at that?

GC: Simple! Punk + B*tches = Pitches!

Me: Oh god, no….

GC: Then?

Me: I mean a presentation!

GC: You could have said that no? 

Me: #FacePalm

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Dude Writes Like A Lady!

DJ was coming to office late for the past few days. His usual excuse was that 1) He couldn’t hear his phone alarm ring and 2) His phone’s battery died.

Tired of the excuses, someone kept an alarm clock on his table with this message.

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*Later in the day*

DJ: Who kept this here?

Me: No idea…

DJ: Hmmmm.. I wonder who?

Me: Well, the handwriting looks feminine, so I’m guessing it was probably LB.

DJ: Yeah… Could be… She’s been hinting at it.

*NMD was passing by at moment*

NMD: Thanks a lot, a**holes!

Us: Eh?

NMD: I heard what you guys said!

Me: What did we say?

NMD: That I write like a girl!

Me: Well…. You kinda do… So…

NMD: Chu…

that awkward moment

Tastes Like Pink – 2

DJ was conspicuously missing from office for the past few days. To get to the bottom of his disappearance I decided to give him a call.

Me: Oye!

DJ: Hey!

Me: Why have you been bunking work?

DJ: F***er! I never bunk office! I’m really sick!

Me: What are you with sick with?

DJ: Food poisoning!

Me: Oh really?

DJ: Yeah!

Me: What have you been eating?

DJ: Bread and curd for the past two weeks. Before that, I have no idea.

Me: Yeah… You were probably eating some bad pussy!

DJ: No man! It’s been a few months since I ate that! The last few times it was on the menu but I stayed away because it was raining!

Me: You male chauvinistic pig!

DJ: What sh*t!

Me: You only take and you never give!

DJ: I give occasionally. It makes me appreciate my generosity more…

Me: Hahahaha… What sh*t!

DJ: Sort of like Jesus during the last supper!

Me: B*tch please! Now you going overboard!

DJ: No ways!

Me: Stick to being Johnny Bravo!

DJ: Archer!

Me: Done.

DJ: Done.

Me: Chu…..

facepalm02

The Power Of No!

It was a hectic Wednesday. We had a couple of client briefs to crack (briefs, as in the problem statement, not the underwear) and it was already 7 pm. Accounts Manager, AB drops by our table and announces that he’s got two meetings lined up for us the next day. Which meant that we had to ideate and prepare a presentation from scratch.

AB: Guys!

Us: What?

*Us, as in the creative team*

AB: So there are two more meetings lined up for tomorrow!

Me: What? Why?

AB: We’ve a lingerie client and an e-commerce client on our radar now!

Me: Dude! It’s 7 pm, we had just cracked five client briefs and my head hurts now.

AB: C’mon man! The meeting is tomorrow!

Me: My point exactly! We’ve already have three meetings scheduled for tomorrow and two for the day after tomorrow! And you happened to add two more meetings for tomorrow, without even asking us. How are we going to prepare?

AB: Look! I understand, but I’ve been chasing these clients for a while now and tomorrow is the only day, that they are free.

Me: So?

AB: I don’t know! Pull a late-nighter with the team and come with something. It’s lingerie man!

Me: You know what’s a better solution?

AB: What?

Me: Re-schedule the client meetings!

AB: No way! Tomorrow is the only slot that I’ve got free and besides the client might say no to re-scheduling.

Me: How about you MAKE them take a no for an answer?

AB: Errrr…. What?

Me: The power of no, man! Make them take a NO for an answer! It works wonders!

AB: You’re joking right?

Me: No man! Totally serious!

AB: Chu….

Me: You’re the one who asked for it!

hahaha

 

The Thing About Food…

*At office, working on a client project*

Me: Listen, use this picture for the Facebook post for today…

Colleague: I don’t think it’s a smart idea…

Me: Why not?

Colleague: Because the picture isn’t clear…

Me: What you talking about? It’s a hi-def picture with smiling kids.. What more do you want?

Colleague: Yeah… But the plates in front of them is very shiny, it looks very shiny because of the flash…

Me: That’s fine…. Use some nice Instagram like filter… Did you know that they have recommendation for which filter to use which talking pictures of food, so that your food looks sexy? 

Colleague: Yeah… I’ve read that…

Me: So go ahead…

Colleague: But the picture doesn’t have straight food!!!

Me: As opposed to gay food? 

Colleague: Ummmm….?

Me: Yeah….. That’s what I thought… Now upload that pic!

Colleague: Sigh… Fine….

*Victory*

*Sometimes I think that I should become a full time copywriter*

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