Text Much?

All of us from office had gone partying on a Friday night after work. By the end of the night, DJ was smashed drunk. Thankfully, he lived walking distance from that club.

*Perks of living in Indiranagar*

*DJ starts to head home*

*Couldn’t even walk staright*

Me: Hey!

DJ: What…?

Me: Do you need a lift?

DJ: No…. I’m good!

Me: You can’t even walk straight!

DJ: So? You can’t arrest me for that!

Me: Fair enough…

DJ: Alright, bye then!

Me: Text me when you reach!

DJ: No!

Me: Why not?

DJ: We aren’t sleeping together, ok? So there’s no need to text! Ok?

Me: Ummmm… Alright… But still, text me. Ok?

DJ: If we ain’t f***ing, I ain’t texting!

Me: Oh, god….

DJ: Yeah… That’s why!

Me: ??????

eric marshall

Yes, DJ reached home safely that night and survived to drink another day!

Bathroom Woes

*Overheard in office*

Guy 1: Which loo do you use?

Guy 2: As in?

Guy 1: As in, the one in the right corner of the office or the one in the left corner?

Guy 2: I dunno!

Guy 1: What you mean you dunno?

Guy 2: I have issues with both the loos.

Guy 1: Like?

Guy 2: The first one, the flush is so strong that it splashes on my pants!

Guy 1: Yeah! That happened to me too! Plus they had put that Harpic blue thingy and the water was all blue. All of that splashed on my pant and that left a blue stain!

Guy 2: Damn!

Guy 1: Yeah…

Guy 2: The second one, the pressure is too less! I don’t feel confident while flushing. Need to flush a couple of time before things completely disappear!

Guy 1: Yeah man! What to do?

Guy 2: Complain to the Office Manager, I guess?

Guy 1: Yeah… That only

Me: #DafaqDidIHear?

Bill Hader

The Great O!

*At office*

*Discussing about cars*

DMM: Hey!

Me: What?

DMM: Have you noticed that all Mahindra cars end with an O?

Me: Really?

DMM: Yup!

Me: Hmmmmm….

DMM: Think about it! Bolero, Scorpio, Xylo, Verito, e2o, Quanto….

Me: Well….

DMM: I’m telling you! All their cars end an O!

Me: What about KUV? And TUV?

DMM: Well….. It’s KUV100 and TUV300. So technically, it still ends with O.

Me: Not really….

DMM: Yes!

Me: Fine! What about Thar?

DMM: Thar?

Me: The jeep! Mahindra Thar!

DMM: Ummmmm….. Exceptions…?

Me: Chu…

DMM: Don’t be a spoilsport!

Me: #Facepalm!

arrested_development

Deliciously Delectable!

AB and I were out for lunch at Toit.

AB: Have you decided what you’re planning to have?

Me: No… Pass me the menu.

AB: Here

*Passes me the menu*

*As I was scrolling through the menu, a gorgeous woman passed by our table*

Me: I know what I’m having!

AB: Oh yeah….! Good choice, man!

*AB starts grinning*

Me: What?

AB: Oh….

Me: What?

AB: When you said, “I know what I’m having”, you were talking about food right?

Me: Yup… And you assumed that I was talking about that hot chick that passed by our table?

AB: Yup….

Me: Douche…

AB: My bad…

 

Awekard_NewGirl

MAMA MIA!

Our office had recently adopted a kitten. I was on leave on the day that it had happened. When I went to office the next day, I was very surprised to hear that she was named Mia Khalifa. Yes, you read that right.

Me: So you guys named the cat Mia Khalifa?

LB: Yeah… She’s Wiz Khalifa’s cousin, right?

Me: Well…

DB: Of course, she is!

Me: Yes, I had forgotten!

LB: I like that name…

Us: *suppressing laughter* Okies! 

*After 30 mins*

LB: Wait a min! WB come here!

WB: What?

LB: I know who Mia Khalifa is!

WB: Wiz Khalifa’s cousin!

LB: She’s a pornstar!

WB: The worlds best pornstar!

LB: Arrrrghhh!

Me: You really didn’t know who Mia Khalifa was?

LB: No!

Me: You must be living under a rock!

LB: Chu…

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Wanna see the little monster?

IMG_20150920_165733

 

Down The Mammary Lane…

DB’s got a habit of addressing me as “My Man” and “My Main Man”. The new kid in the office, MMC hadn’t quite gotten used to that.

DB: My man!

Me: Yo!

DB: My main man!

Me: Oh yeah!

*High five*

MMC: What did you say?

DB: My main man!

MMC: What?

DB: My main man!

MMC: My mamme?

DB: Hahaha! 

Me: What the….. 

MMC: What? You guys are the ones screaming out mamme!

DB: Hahahahaha!

*If didn’t get the joke, look up mamme 😉 *

reaction-lauging-lold

 

The Party For The Undead!

All of us from office had gone out for lunch. On the way back, a hearse was passing by. Now, I’m not sure whether all hearses are like this or it’s just limited to Southern India, but this was the one with the body in a tempo van, followed by a bunch of people playing drums, dancing, drinking and bursting crackers.

Anyhow, DMM was with us and he got super excitement look at the hearse and the parade around it.

DMM: Man, this looks like a trippy party!

All of us: Uh…huh…

DMM: I just wanna party like that!

All of us: Uh…huh…

DMM: Just walking on the streets, drinking, dancing and what not!

All of us: Uh…huh…

DMM: Just listen to the music! 

All of us: Yeah we can hear it and if you haven’t realized, they are holding up the traffic.

DMM: Imagine.. You’ll be having fun while everyone else will be just stuck in their cars!

All of us: Uh…huh…

DMM: We should do something like this for office!

All of us: Like what?

DMM: You know…. Hire a van, stock it with booze and we drive around town. We can even dance on the streets!

All of us: You want that for the office?

DMM: Yes!

All of us: You know that was a hearse, right?

DMM: Oh… Was it?

All of us: Yes! What did you think was in the van? 

DMM: Booze and food?

All of us: The body, dude!! The dead body!

DMM: Oh…. Awkward.. 

 

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