The Best Nirvana Poster Ever!

*Another Nirvana related incident*

*Meeting up with a friend after a couple of months*

Friend: Blah..Blah..Blah..

Me: Blah..Blah..Blah..

Friend: Blah..Blah..Blah..

Me: Blah..Blah..Blah..

Friend: Blah..Blah..Blah..

Me: Blah..Blah..Blah..

Friend: By the way….

Me: What?

Friend: I saw this awesome Nirvana poster!

Me: Where?

Friend: I can’t remember it now…

Me: Ok……

Friend: But it was really different from the usual ones.

Me: I see….

*Later, we headed back to my place for more drinking*

Friend: Now I remember where I saw the Nirvana poster!

Me: Where?

Friend: Your room!

Me: Hahahaha!

Friend: Yeah…….

dave gorhl

The Jailbait!

I was at NH7 Weekender, Bangalore. AR Rahman was playing and the atmosphere was electric. I had just met this cute chick near the bar area, we got talking and we headed to watch AR Rahman together.

*AR Rahman starts playing*

Cute Chick: OMG! OMG! OMG! It’s AR!

Me: Yeah….. I know, I can see!

Cute Chick: OMG! OMG! It’s like a dream come true!

*She then proceeds to jump and wave her hands for the next ten minutes*

Me: Jeez! Calm down!

Cute Chick: I can’t! I’m just too excited!

Me: Oh god! How old are you? 21?

Cute Chick: Ummmmmm…. Yes….

Me: Oh….

Cute Chick: Yeah…..

*Awkward Silence*

*After what seemed like an eternity*

Me: So yeah…. AR Rahman is killing it!

Cute Chick: I know, right!

*Disaster Averted!*

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Remember Remember The 5th Of November!

We were deciding what to dress up for a Halloween party.

Me: I’m going to go as Guy Fawkes.

JK: Who?

Me: Guy Fawkes!

JK: Who Guy Fawkes?

Me: The guy with the white mask.

JK: What mask?

Me: The Guy Fawkes mask!

JK: Who the f*** is Guy Fawkes?

Me: The dude from V For Vendetta!

JK: Not seen it.

Me: Fine… The mask from the Nicky Romero video!

JK: Which song?

Me: Toulouse!

JK: Not seen it!

Me: Oh. God. Why? Fine! Here.

*Show the pic*

mOTbVgZ-D0LJPsvQpADiTSA

JK: Arre! Yeh toh anonymous hai! Tu kya Guy Fawkes Guy Fawkes kar raha tha? (Dude! This is anonymous! What’s that Guy Fawkes thingy that you were going on about?)

Me: #FML!

get-the-fuck-out

Sh*T I (Allegedly) Say…

After a survey, here’s a compiled list things I say after five (or more) rounds of whiskey.

In no particular order:

When meeting a friend after a long time:

Me: Dude!

Friend: Yeah?

Me: Why don’t you come over more often? 

Friend: Haven’t you heard?

Me: What?

Friend: Distance makes the heart grow fonder!

Me: Bullsh*t! Distance makes the wrists grow stronger!

Friend: Is it?

Me: Totally!

im_watching_you

When everyone is dancing to ghati songs at 3 am:

Me: What is wrong with everyone?

Everyone: Come join us!

Me: No way!

Everyone: C’mon, it’s fun!

Me: I’m going to disown you all!

Everyone: Eh? 

judging-you-gif-2

When an acquaintance is trying to chat up my gf:

Me: Bro!

Him: Yeah?

Me: Bro! Bro! Bro! Bro! Bro! Bro! Bro! Bro!

Him: WHAT?!?

Me: Bro, you’re barking up the wrong tree, bro…

Him: #facepalm!

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Taking control of the music at a party:

Everyone: Dude! Play some Trap music man! 

Me: How about no?

Everyone: C’mon! Don’t spoil the party!

Me: How about I educate you all on good music?

Everyone: Dude, please! Play that song!

Me: Oh my god! Look at the no. of f***s I give!

Everyone: Oh lord…..

how-many-fucks-i-give-gif

With a random hottie at a club:

Hottie: Hi!

Me: Hey!

Hottie: Can I dance with your friend (female)?

Me: Sure thing baby. Whatever gets your motor running!

Hottie: 😉

dont-even-care-gif

 

Frequent phrases also include:

  • No shit, Sherlock!
  • Totally, bro!
  • Whatever helps you sleep at night. 
  • How about no? 
  • F***tard! 
  • C***!
  • C**** ka baal!
  • Riiiiiiiiight….

To be continued…..

cool-story-bro-3-gif

 

 

 

God Save My Liver…

Overhead from every other party.

Time: 8 pm

Booze: 1 peg down

Music: Pumped Up Kicks

“People, let’s start drinking!”

“I had a rough week at work!”

“The weekend couldn’t have come sooner”

Time: 9 pm

Booze: 2 pegs down

Music: Thrift Shop

“Man, the Indian Cricket team is so sucky!”

“I can’t believe Mallya paid 14 crores for Yuvraj Singh!”

“You think Aresenal is going to win this season?”

Time: 10 pm

Booze: 3 pegs down

Music: Moves Like Jagger

“Dude, what was Kejriwal thinking?”

“The roads in Bangalore are so shitty!”

“Have you seen the new Aventador? That rich bugger just bought it!”

Time: 11 pm

Booze: 4 pegs down

Music: Bangarang

“Dude, this whisky is really good!”

“Man, the drop in this song is maaaaaad!”

“We should go to Sunburn man!”

Time: 12 am

Booze: 5 pegs down

Music: Sexy Bitch

“Why aren’t we dancing dude?!!”

“Oops, I dropped my glass!”

“I’m not drunk okay!!”

Time: 1 am

Booze: 6 pegs down

Music: I’m Sexy And I Know It

“Maybe we should eat something?”

“I’ve a sexy business idea! All I need is capital!”

“Dude, the power shortage is a big political conspiracy!”

Time: 2 am

Booze: 7 pegs down

Music: Gangnam Style

“Maybe we should order some food?”

“Dude, that guy is like goooooone!”

“Yeah man, my capacity is like huge!”

Time: 3 am

Booze: 8 pegs down

Music: Angreji Beat

“Check out my moonwalk dude!”

“Dude, I still love her dude!”

“Dude, we should totally quit our jobs and start up!”

Time: 4 am

Booze: 9 pegs down

Music: Hawa Hawai

“Dude! We’re out of mixing! F*** it, I’ll drink it neat!”

“I’m gonna beat up that guy! He’s acting too cocky”

“Dude, I gotta confess something”

Time: 5 am

Booze: 10 pegs down

Music: Tu Cheez Badi Hai Mast Mast

“Let’s go the terrace!”

“Maybe we should eat something?”

“Man, I love ghati music!”

Time: 6 am

Booze: 11 pegs down

Music: Gandi Baat

“Let’s do Jaeger Bombs!:

“Dude! Is that the sun in the horizon?”

“I’m not drunk at all!”

Time: 7 am

Booze: 12 pegs down

Music: Chikni Chameli

“Let’s do push ups!”

“Food? Anyone? We should just have breakfast now!”

“I can totally do the moonwalk like MJ!”

Time: 8 am

Booze: 13 pegs down

Music: Isspidermen Isspidermen

“Oh god, I have office tomorrow!”

“Why don’t we have anymore booze?!”

“Zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz……!”

“13 is a very odd number. Let’s have another peg to make it even!”

And people wonder why I look so tired on a Monday.

cool_story_bro_sienfield

 

 

 

Short Skirt And A Loooooooong Jacket!

So it’s come to this. It’s another year and I’m still single. My Facebook page resembles matrimonial site these days and my heights of desperation has reached new heights.

So  I’m going to tell you all kind of a woman I’m looking for and if you happen to know anyone or are interested in dating an anonymous blogger, please mail into thewhinyguy[at]gmail[dot]com.

 

I’m serious. Like doubly serious.

Please read the following in the same tune as “Short Skirt / Long Jacket” by Cake.

I want a girl (I mean woman),

Who is humorous,

Likes the little things in life,

Is independent,

Is ambitious,

Is well groomed,

Knows the difference between ‘there’ and ‘their’,

Thinks that Edward Cullen is a faggot and the stuff Christian Grey would do to you is not romantic, is psychotic.

 

I want a girl, (by that, I still mean woman),

Who has no baggage,

Is outgoing,

Loves watching Edgar Wright movies,

Stands her ground when it comes to music,

Can abusive in three different languages,

Doesn’t mind slapping people when required.

And lastly, owns a pair of black slim fit jeans. (Don’t ask me why, I just do)

 

Also, you need to be based out of Bangalore!

This has been another rant by The Whiny Guy. 😀