Remember Remember The 5th Of November!

We were deciding what to dress up for a Halloween party.

Me: I’m going to go as Guy Fawkes.

JK: Who?

Me: Guy Fawkes!

JK: Who Guy Fawkes?

Me: The guy with the white mask.

JK: What mask?

Me: The Guy Fawkes mask!

JK: Who the f*** is Guy Fawkes?

Me: The dude from V For Vendetta!

JK: Not seen it.

Me: Fine… The mask from the Nicky Romero video!

JK: Which song?

Me: Toulouse!

JK: Not seen it!

Me: Oh. God. Why? Fine! Here.

*Show the pic*

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JK: Arre! Yeh toh anonymous hai! Tu kya Guy Fawkes Guy Fawkes kar raha tha? (Dude! This is anonymous! What’s that Guy Fawkes thingy that you were going on about?)

Me: #FML!

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The Hills Have Eyes…And Ears!

Le GF went to Mumbai for the long weekend.

*Le GF has the habit of checking in everywhere*

Later that day.

*Talking to MS*

MS: Yo wassup?

Me: Nothing much!

MS: What plans for the evening?

Me: I’m going to head home and crash early.

MS: Why don’t you come over?

Me: No man, didn’t get much sleep last night…

MS: Anyways your girlfriend isn’t in town, might as well come over!

Me: Eh? 

*Talking to a colleague*

Colleague: Leaving early?

Me: Yeah man, want to sleep early tonight.

Colleague: Your girlfriend’s not in town, that’s why? 

Me: Jeez.. What is up with everyone? 

*Talking to a friend*

Friend: Duuuuude!

Me: Yeah?

Friend: Let’s have a boys night out this weekend!

Me: Sure thing!

Friend: Girlfriend being out of town has it’s advantage! 

Me: What…? How the hell does everyone know?

Friend: 😀

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Let’s Take It Outside!

Here I was, trying to write a blog post. Unfortunately I couldn’t concentrate because CG, MS and VS  were watching a Rajnikanth flick in the hall. Being the Rajnikanth fanboys they are, every action sequence was met with “Maccha, semma scene da” or “Macchi, appidi pode” or just permutations and combinations of the previous two lines.

After half hour of trying to write, I got bugged, walked into the living room and decided to give them a piece of my mind.

Me: What the hell is happening? Why you people acting like hooligans in a seedy theater?

Everyone: Dude! It’s Rajni man! It’s RAJNI!

Me: So?

Everyone: So? So? How dare you dis Rajni? He’s our Thalaiva!

Me: Big deal! Turn the volume down!

CG: Or else?

Me: Or else I’m gonna beat the sh*t out of you!

CG: Oh yeah? 

Me: Yes! You wanna mess with me? You wanna mess with me, punk?

*CG stands up. He’s a good couple of inches taller than me*

CG: You were saying?

Me: I said, “You wanna take this outside?”.

CG: You wanna take me on? 

Me: Sure, why not? Unless you’re scared!

CG: You talk too much! Let’s do this! Let’s take this outside!

*Both of us walk towards the front door*

Me: I’m going to whoop your skinny a** to the ground!

CG: We’ll see about that!

*CG walks out of the front door*

*SLAM*

*I shut the front door shut with CG outside*

*It’s around 12 degrees outside and CG is his boxers*

CG: You sneaky f***! Let me in!

*Loud banging on the door*

Me: You wanted to take it outside? Now stay outside!

CG: Dude! It’s freezing outside and I’m in my undies!

Me: Anyone else wanna take it outside? 

MS & VS: Ummmmm, yeah we’ll tone it down. 

 

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PS: Don’t worry, I let CG back in after 15 minutes.

It’s Just A Wedge!

Day: Sunday

Location: Hall

Along with a couple of friends, we were having a movie marathon. After finishing Salt and The World’s End, we decided to watch Nasha, which features the luscious Poonam Pandey.

The movie starts with a shower scene. The busty babe is lathering soap all over her body. Starting from the top and slowing moving downwards. The camera angle is ensuring that all of us are glued to every second of the movie. The shower scene is cut short, thanks to a phone call.

*Fast Forward*

Poonam Pandey walks into the school and the horny teenagers seem to have lost all form of self control. Anyhow, as she walks past the students, the camera angles shows off her curvaceous bottom, her mini skirt and finally her gorgeous long legs. As the camera pans down her legs….

CG: Did you all see THAT!

Us: See what?

CG: That’s a WEDGE!

Us: A what?

CG: A wedge! See, it’s neither a heel nor a platform shoe!

Us: Are you seriously talking about her shoes?

CG: Duh!

Us: #Facepalm!

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PS: I wasted two hours of my life watching this movie, which I cannot reclaim. #FML.’

Big Round Ones!

Time: 10:30 pm

Location: Hall

Scene: The three of us are just back from work, all stressed out. We started watching The Other Guys on UTV Action.

*Allen and Terry have just accepted the first bribe from Ershon. They go to a basketball game and while leaving, Brooke Shields tells Allen, ‘Call me’*

Me: Whoa! Did you see who that was?

MS: Who?

Me: That chick man! That hottie!

CG: Who?

Me: Dude! The one who comes on Entourage. She acts in a movie with Drama and when he’s hugging her, he gets hard!

MS: Oh yeah….He’s playing her brother or something right? 

Me: Yup! She comes in The Blue Lagoon as well!

CG: Oh really?

Me: Yeah man…..

MS: Does she come in NFS?

Me: No man. That’s someone else!

MS: Hmmmmm….

Me: Oh wait! That’s Brooke Shields!

MS: Brooke Shields?

Me: Yeah!

MS: Who comes in NFS then?

Me: You mean NFS Underground 2?

MS: Yeah!

Me: That’s Brooke Burke!

MS: Really? Hmmmmmm….. Don’t we have someone in India called Shields as well?

Me: Yeah, Aruna Shields!

MS: Hahahaha… Yeah!

CG: Who’s she?

Me: Some B-Grade actress…

MS: There’s another Brooke no?

Me: Who?

MS: I don’t know… Wait! Kelly Brook!

Me: Oh yeah!

MS: What does she come in?

Me: Three / Survivor Island!

MS: Doesn’t ring a bell.

Me: Shes gets stranded on an island with the ship cook and keeps on banging him. Lots of *action* scenes and shots of her lovely tits!

MS: Nice…. She’s got a nice pair right?

Me: Oh yeah…. Au naturale…

CG: Wait! Let me google her…

*CG takes out his Sony Xperia S and googles her*

CG: Holy crap! Look at her tits!

Me & MS: Yeah….. Nice right?

CG: Man, I could rest between her boobs and lie there forever!

MS: Of course you do! You’re a man! You’ve got urges!

CG: Thank god my laptop is repaired! The fap station is BACK!

Me: Hahahahaha! F*** off!

 

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PS: After we finished leching at Kelly Brooke, we proceeded to Keely Hazell, Lucy Pinder and finally Denise Milani. It was a good day for mankind.

The Meltdown

CG and I were at the local branch of Adyar Ananda Bhavan, a high-class-pure-vegetarian restaurant, where families frequent.

*Waiting at the self service counter for the food to be delivered*

Me: What movie should we watch tomorrow?

CG: Let’s go for Despicable Me 2!

Me: I want to watch something else.. I don’t want to watch a cartoon movie. 

CG: What other choice do we have?

Me: Well, there’s The Lone Ranger, Man Of Steel and Lootera

CG: We’ve already seen Man Of Steel… Lootera? No thanks!

Me: So… The Lone Ranger then?

CG: Meh…. Let’s watch Despicable Me 2 instead! 

Me: Why not The Lone Ranger? It’s got Johnny Depp in it!

CG: Well…. It’s got a bad rating on Rotten Tomatoes and IMDB!

Me: Dude! You do this all the time!

CG: Do what?

Me: Whenever I suggest a movie, the first thing you do is google that movie, read the plot, see the ratings and then decide that you don’t want to watch that movie!

CG: Yeah so? I don’t like watching sh*tty movies! 

Me: Dude! For once just enjoy the movie without any presumptions!

CG: Nothing wrong in doing that!

Me: I don’t f***ing care about Rotten Tomatoes. I don’t f***ing care about IMDB! I don’t give a flying f*** about all these f***ing c****! Got it? Comprende? For f***ing once, could we f***ing watch a f***ing movie without you f***ing being a presumptuous f***ing d***?

*I don’t know what set it off, but I went ballistic*

CG: Jeez… Seesh! Fine! We’ll go for The Lone Ranger! 

*We turn around*

*Around 20 people were starring at us, some of them with young kids*

*I didn’t realize how loud I was*

CG: Wanna cancel the order and make a run for it?

Me: Yeah…. Good idea..

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PS: We ended up watching Despicable Me 2.