Got Sanitizer?

Till about 8-9 years ago, I had no idea what a sanitizer was. I just assumed that it was a women’s hygiene product. You know, because of the word sanitary in it.

On numerous occasions, My Gf (back then) mentioned the word sanitizer and of course it didn’t make any sense to me. But then again, I was too embarrassed to ask her about it.

Scene #1

Her:  Instead of carrying napkins, I carry a sanitizer. It’s so much easy to carry.

Me: Ummmm… Ok….

 

Scene #2

Her: Sometimes I like playing with my sanitizer.

Me: Errrrr…. Why?

Her: Because it smells really nice…

Me: Ummmmm… Ok…

 

Scene #3

Me: Man, I forgot to get a handkerchief! Now I have to wipe my hands on my jeans!

Her: Don’t do that!

Me: Do you have wet wipes?

Her: No but I have a sanitizer.

Me: And what’s it supposed to do?

Her: Here!

*Pulls out a little bottle and squirts some clear gel like thing on to my palms*

Me: Errrrr….

Her: Now rub your palms together!

Me: Wow… My hands… are clean!

Her: See! Carrying a sanitizer at all times helps!

Me: So that’s what a sanitizer is!

Her: Huh? What did you think it was?

Me: Something like a sanitary pad?

Her: #Facepalm

 

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Yes, that really happened!

 

Gone Girl!

Le Gf and I were discussing about the latest dressing trend in Bangalore.

Me: Is it just me or most young women in Bangalore are beginning to dress the same?

Le Gf: Go on…

Me: Hear me out. All of them wear black jeggings, leggings or whatever they are called. They pair that up with a cropped top, long hair that’s parted sideways and bright shade of red lipstick, say Ruby Woo by MAC.

Le Gf: Yeah….

Me: I wonder where do get people get away with calling themselves individualistic and yet manage to be part of the herd…

Le Gf: Imagine if your girl got kidnapped and you went to cops to report it?

Me: Why?

Le Gf: So you would have to describe her right?

Me: Yeah….

Le Gf: So…. She was wearing black leggings, blue cropped top, long hair parted sideways, red lipstick!

Me: Hahahaha!

Le Gf: Cops are gonna be like “Bro… You just described all the girls in the city!”

Me: Yeah… Poor souls…

 

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This post has been issued in public interested. Please dress differently. Just saying. I don’t want upload pics to prove a point!

So Colorful!

I had to share this. This was when Le Gf and I had just started dating. We met for lunch one day during the week and decided to go to Adyar Ananda Bhavan, our neighborhood friendly high-class-vegetarian-food. Yes, that’s a thing down south.

Me: What do you wanna eat?

Le Gf: Anything… Whatever you’re ordering.

Me: Sure?

Le Gf: Yeah…

Me: I’m ordering a mini meals…

Le Gf: Go ahead, order one for me as well…

Me: Alright…

*The food appears after sometime*

Me: Here we go! I’m famished! 

Le Gf: WTF is this sh*t?

Me: Eh?

Le Gf: Like seriously? 

Me: What? 

Le Gf: What’s this sh*t on my plate?

Me: That’s sambhar rice, tamarind rice, lemon rice and curd rice…

Le Gf: Yuck… Yuck… Yuck… Yuck and definitely yuck!

Me: Why, what’s wrong?

Le Gf: I hate all of this!

Me: How could you hate it?

Le Gf: This is yellow puke, brown puke, another shade of yellow puke and white puke…

Me: If you didn’t like it, then why did you order it?

Le Gf: Because you ordered it...

Me: So?

Le Gf: I thought you had good taste….

Me: Eh?

Le Gf: I thought that you were cool…

Me: WTF?

Le Gf: Sigh…

Me: #FML

jack black wtf

 

 

He’s Got The Look!

Le Gf and I were going through Facebook and came across my brother’s new profile picture.

Le Gf: Oh wow….

Me: What?

Le Gf: He looks so good!

Me: Yeah, plus he’s very photogenic. 

Le Gf: Hmmmm…. Yeah…. Plus he’s got a classic look…

Me: What does that mean?

Le Gf: You know, slim, dark, yada, yada….

Me: Uh.. Huh…. And I’m un-classically good looking?  

Le Gf: Yeah, totally!

Me: What the f*** is that supposed to mean?

 Le Gf: Ummmm….. Well…. Fair and…. Ummmm….

Me: It’s ok, don’t try to save it…

Le Gf: What you have such a nice personality! 

Me: Ouch! That’s what people tell fugly people!

*Le Gf looks the other way*

Me: B*tch! 

zx9Rn0k

Being Bong!

Alcohol level: 400 ml of Bacardi Breezer and 120 ml of Tequila and Smirnoff. Yes, I have a high tolerance for alcohol. Get over it.

PS: If you’re in Bangalore and would like to get drunk together, mail me out!

When I tell people that I’m a “Bong”, this is what I mean:

9LBN3KOF

 

As in, I’m a Bengali.

Unfortunately, this is what most people think:

bong

Fucktards….

Anyhow….

Le Gf was dealing with an outbreak of pimples.

Le Gf: Ahhhhhhh!

Me: What happened?

Le Gf: I have so many pimples!

Me: It’s just a phase.

Le Gf: Just a phase? I’m 26! People my age don’t have pimples! People have pimples when they are 16!

Me: Chill babe!

Le Gf: Chill? You’re the one to talk!

Me: What?

Le Gf: First of all, you’re way fairer than I am. Second, you skin is as smooth as a baby’s ass!

Me: So?

Le Gf: So it means that you have no idea it’s like to have pimples at 27!

Me: Well, I’m Bong!

Le Gf: So?

Me: Bongs in general have good skin!

Le Gf: What bullsh*t!

Me: Don’t believe me?

Le Gf: My previous roommate was a Bong and she had more pimples than I did!

Me: That’s cos she was promiscuous!

Le Gf: WTF?

Me: True story babe! She’s slept with half of Bangalore! You said so yourself! 

Le Gf: #FML 

bitch-please

 

 

 

Of Lunches and Starters

I had just found out my new office space would be behind Le Gf’s house. And for some reason, the news spread like wildfire, especially among jealous couples who live miles apart from each other.

I happened to be talking to my friend JC at a party about this.

JC: So I heard that your new office is behind your girlfriends house?

Me: Yup!

JC: You lucky bugger!

MeI know right. I don’t have to go far to meet her!

JC: Uh..Huh…! I’m sure that you’re going to drop into her place everyday for ‘lunch’! 😉 

Me: Oh… Please..!

JC: Are you saying that you won’t do that?

Me: What I’m saying is that, I’ll go over lunch but I’ll definitely have the ‘starters’ too! 😛 

JC: Jeez! Hahaha!

*High Five*

*After a month*

JC: How’s the new office?

Me: Pretty good!

JC: How’s the lunch scene going? 😉

Me: Hahahaha!

JC: Well?

Me: Funnily, after my office opened there, I did have lunch at her place for a couple of days!

JC: Awwwwright! That’s what I’m talking about!

Me: No, no! I mean actual lunch. The eating one..

JC: #IWILLSPITONYOURFACE

Me: What did I do?

*Women, I tell you are hard to understand*

 

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It’s Down And Dowdy

I was headed to a house party after office and I dropped in at Le Gf’s house to pick her up.

Me: You ready?

Le Gf: Yup!

Me: Alright, let’s head out!

Le Gf: Wait!

Me: What?

Le Gf: Are you wearing that to the party?

Me: Yeah, why?

Le Gf: Don’t you think it’s a little dowdy?

Me: Not at all! I love this shirt!

Le Gf: Errrrrr…..

Me: What’s wrong with this shirt?

Le Gf: It looks like one of those Fab India shirts!

Me: IT IS A Fab India shirt!

Le Gf: My point exactly!

Me: Jeez! I like this shirt, alright!

Le Gf: But it makes you look so…. So Bong!

Me: I AM BONG!

Le Gf: So this is what is going happen. You’re going to change your shirt, wear something that doesn’t look dowdy, or else we’re staying in.

Me: Seesh! Fine!

Le Gf: That’s my baby!

Me: GF – 1. Me – 0. This ain’t over.

Le Gf: We’ll see about that.

Me: #FML.

 

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