Remember Remember The 5th Of November!

We were deciding what to dress up for a Halloween party.

Me: I’m going to go as Guy Fawkes.

JK: Who?

Me: Guy Fawkes!

JK: Who Guy Fawkes?

Me: The guy with the white mask.

JK: What mask?

Me: The Guy Fawkes mask!

JK: Who the f*** is Guy Fawkes?

Me: The dude from V For Vendetta!

JK: Not seen it.

Me: Fine… The mask from the Nicky Romero video!

JK: Which song?

Me: Toulouse!

JK: Not seen it!

Me: Oh. God. Why? Fine! Here.

*Show the pic*

mOTbVgZ-D0LJPsvQpADiTSA

JK: Arre! Yeh toh anonymous hai! Tu kya Guy Fawkes Guy Fawkes kar raha tha? (Dude! This is anonymous! What’s that Guy Fawkes thingy that you were going on about?)

Me: #FML!

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Being Single

MC’s birthday party was coming up. As a part of the celebrations, he decided to fly down to Bangalore and throw a massive party at JK’s . The modus operandi was to get krunk f***ing drunk. As simple as that.

 PS: I think this blog is read better while listening to Fancy by Iggy Azalea, for some reason.

MC: Wassup?

Me: You tell me!

MC: So the Bangalore trip is on!

Me: Awwwright!

MC: The agenda is to get sh*t faced drunk!

Me: You had me at sh..! 😛

MC: Hahaha! And guess what?

Me: What?

MC: We have some hotties flying in from Mumbai and Delhi to join us for the party!

Me: Seriously?

MC: Yup!

Me: Nice!

MC: The menu as of now is a crate of beer, four bottles of Absolute vodka,  five bottles of Dewar’s whiskey, two bottles of tequila and two bottles of champagne!

Me: Oh. Sweet. Mary. Joseph. Jesus!

MC: Hahahaha!

Me: So the party is in two weeks! By that time I’ll…

MC: Be single?

Me: Eh?

MC: Be single so that you can have some fun? 😉

Me: Errr, I was about to say lay low. As in lay low till the party and then *boom*!

MC: Yeah, that too!

Me: Douche!

MC: You too!

Moral Of The Story: Men Will Always Be Men.

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It’s Down And Dowdy

I was headed to a house party after office and I dropped in at Le Gf’s house to pick her up.

Me: You ready?

Le Gf: Yup!

Me: Alright, let’s head out!

Le Gf: Wait!

Me: What?

Le Gf: Are you wearing that to the party?

Me: Yeah, why?

Le Gf: Don’t you think it’s a little dowdy?

Me: Not at all! I love this shirt!

Le Gf: Errrrrr…..

Me: What’s wrong with this shirt?

Le Gf: It looks like one of those Fab India shirts!

Me: IT IS A Fab India shirt!

Le Gf: My point exactly!

Me: Jeez! I like this shirt, alright!

Le Gf: But it makes you look so…. So Bong!

Me: I AM BONG!

Le Gf: So this is what is going happen. You’re going to change your shirt, wear something that doesn’t look dowdy, or else we’re staying in.

Me: Seesh! Fine!

Le Gf: That’s my baby!

Me: GF – 1. Me – 0. This ain’t over.

Le Gf: We’ll see about that.

Me: #FML.

 

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I’ve Only Ever!

PBI and BR have dated only each other during their entire dating history (Like Lily and Marshall from How I Met Your Mother) . This, of course results in hilarious situations. Like, all the time.

*During a game of “I’ve never ever ever”*

PGI: I’ve never ever fallen asleep while have sex!

*Everyone looks at BR*

*BR grudgingly takes a sip of beer*

BR: B*tch!

Everyone: *Sniggering* 

*Round 2*

PGI: I’ve never ever farted during sex!

*Everyone looks at BR*

*BR’s face is almost beetroot red while taking a sip of his beer*

Everyone: #LOL

*Round 3*

PGI: During sex, I’ve never ever ever…

BR: Stop!

PGI: What?

BR: You gotta stop saying things about sex!

PGI: Why?

BR: Because everyone knows that it’s probably me!

PGI: So? 😛

BR: Chu…..!

Everyone: #ROLFMAO! 

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There’s No Such Thing As Too Many Dates!

Driving back home from a house party.

JK: Dude!

Me: Yeah?

JK: Dude, that hot chick took my number!

Me: Awesome!

JK: No dude! She wants to meet at Humming Tree later this week.

Le Gf: So what’s the problem?

Me: What’s your problem exactly?

JK: Ummmmm….

Le Gf: Are you broke?

JK: Yeah…

Me: How broke?

JK: Very broke!

Me: Jeez… Fine tell her that you don’t wanna drink, smoke some weed instead!

Le Gf: Yeah, as simple as that!

JK: Don’t have money for that too!

Le Gf: How broke are you?

Me: Dude, she’s got weed on her. Cool?

JK: How’d you know?

Me: Cos I asked her to roll for me, earlier today!

JK: Awesome! It’s set then!

Le Gf: You’re such a schmuck!

Me: It’s JK, what did you expect?

JK: Chu…!

Me: 😛

 

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The LG Flatron!

At a house party.

Me: Guess what?

Le Gf: What?

Me: We’re doing  a couple of posters on prevention of sexual harassment for your office.

Le Gf: Yuck, really?

Me: Yup!

Le Gf: And..?

Me: The concept is that, there will be picture of me, telling people what constitutes as a “good touch” and what’s a “bad touch”.

Le Gf: Really?

Me: Yup!

Le Gf: Dude… If this thing shows up at my office, I’m gonna break up with you!

Me: What? Why?

Le Gf: Can you imagine? I’d have to tell people that the guy in the sexual harassment poster is my boyfriend!

Me: So what’s the downside?

Le Gf: YOU ARE NOT GOING AHEAD WITH THIS STUPID IDEA OF YOURS! GOT IT?

Me: Jeez…. Drama queen much?

Le Gf: Hmph!

Me: It’s a joke, alright?

Le Gf: Thank god!

Me: Where’s your sense of humor? 

Le Gf: That was gross, ok?

Me: We’re going to use a flat design, alright?

Le Gf: What’s that?

Me: It’s a design principle.

Le Gf: So you people use only flat chested models for the pictures? Is that what flat design is all about? 

Me: #ROLFMAO!

Le Gf: What?

Me: No, you dumbass! 

Le Gf: What the f***?

Me: Flat design means that it’s a minimalist design with bright colors. The picture looks flat as opposed to having a 3-D like appearance. Comprende?

Le Gf: Oh…. My bad..

Me: No shit, Sherlock!

Le Gf: Bitch..

 

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Expectations Vs Reality

At a house party.

NM: If you had the money, what cool thing would you buy?

Me: Hmmmmm…. Let’s see….

NM: Dude, money is no object…

Me: Hmmmmm, alright, I’d like to buy a Segway!

NM: Alright! Now we’re talking!

*Le Gf thinking to herself*

Le Gf: Segway? Must be like a sexy car like a Mustang or something!

*Turns to me*

Le Gf: Show me a pic!

Me: Here!

segway

 

Le Gf: What the f*** is this sh*t?

Me: Errrrrr, it’s a Segway!

Le Gf: It’s not a Mustang? 

Me: Errrrr, no?

Le Gf: You were up there, now you’re down here!

Me: Ummm….

Le Gf: And I’d thought that’ll I do you in the Mustang…

Me: Alright….

Le Gf: And I thought that you were cool….

Me: #FML! 

 

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