The Sexy Scam

While returning from Goa, I decided to take a bus back to Bangalore. While I was on, I was confused as to which bus to take, so I went with the Kadamba Transport Corporation Ltd (Goa state owned) bus. To catch that bus, I needed to reach Kadamba Bus Stand in Panjim.

I reached there about one hour in advance and while I was waiting on the platform, a fellow passenger struck up a conversation with me.

Him: So are you taking a bus from here?

Me: Yes, that’s why I’m here.

*He was reeking of what I think was alcohol*

Him: Ok.. These bus guys are complete cheats!

Me: Why?

Him: Yesterday, I came here with my ticket and when I reached my bus, they told me that my ticket is not valid. That’s unfair! My ticket cost me 45 bucks! Now I don’t have any money and I spent the night on the platform.

Me: Ok.

Him: It’s not like I’m asking people from money, I’ve a brother working in America.

Me: Ok.

Him: Now I don’t know how I’ll get back home!

Me: Uh.. Huh…

Him: I’m a painter. I paint buildings. I go where ever there is work. My brother from America got me a job here. Now the job is complete. I need to go to the next place.

Me: So you travel all the time?

Him: Yes, I go where ever there is work. 

Me: Where to next?

Him: Mumbai, but I don’t have any money to travel.

Me: Ok. 

HimI’m not asking people from money, I’ve a brother working in America.

Me: You mentioned that before. 

Him: After Mumbai, I need to go back home to Kerala. Lots of places to travel. But no money.

Me: So you’re from Kerala?

Him: Yes! (No trace of an Malayalee accent)

Me: Where in Kerala?

Him: Tljljdaaslh…… 

Me: Say what?

Him: Errrr…. That place where that has a big ‘Birla‘ factory.

Me: Uh…… Huh….. Which district?

Him: Errrrrr…. I…. Ummmm…. That place with the Birla factory. My shanty is next to the factory wall.

Me: Sure… Why not?

Him: Yes, my house is there. You can ask anyone about that factory.

Me: You want money for the ticket?

Him: Oh? Thank you! But it’s not like I want to take money from you, I’ve a brother in America.

Me: You do the brother story with everyone don’t you?

Him: Huh? Of course not! I’ve a brother there. I can show you his visiting card, but my belongings got stolen last month.

Me: You’re trying to scam me into giving you money, aren’t you?

Him: What? Me? Of course not!

Me: Buddy, walk the f*** away or else I’m calling that cop standing there!

*He ran away before you could say House MD*

Me: F***ing d***!



PS: The bus was sh*tty. They don’t provide neither a blanket (A/C Bus) nor a water bottle. And they stop at a really shady mess for dinner break.



The TV Show Conundrum

FF comes over to my place to watch TV shows.

FF: Wassup?

Me: Nothing much.

FF: Ok, let’s watch some shows.

Me: What do you wanna watch?

FF: What have you got?

Me: How I Met Your Mother, The Big Bang Theory, Two And A Half Men, Archer, Futurama, American Dad, Coupling

FF: What else?

Me: Family Guy, The Simpsons, Modern Family, Californication, Friends, Joey, House MD, 30 Rock...

FF: Then?

Me: Sherlock, Breaking Bad, That 70’s Show, My Wife And Kids, The Centurions, Swat Kats, Entourage

FF: Ummm, got more?

Me: Psych, Criminal Minds, The Mentalist, Castle, Scream Queens, Beauty And The Geek, Top Gear…..

FF: And?

Me: You gotta be kidding me! Game Of Thrones, Spartacus, Samantha Who, Lost, Arrested Development, Prison Break, The King Of Queens, According To Jim, Hope And Faith, Buffy The Vampire Slayer, Dark Angel… Phew! That’s all I have!

FF: Hmmmm, Do you have MTV Splitsvilla?


FF: Yeah, remember that show where…



PS: MTV Splitsvilla is the Jersey Shore of India.


CG and I were watching House M.D. and the conversation shifted towards a common friend who had just returned from Moscow after completing his M.D.

Me: Dude JJ just finished his M.D. 

CG: Yeah, I heard. 

Me: Because he did his undergraduate in Moscow, he got awarded a M.D degree. In India its called M.B.B.S. 

CG: Yeah, so?

Me: So, his visiting card / office door would read Dr. JJ, M.D. That’ll be so cool! Just like House, M.D!

CG: Seesh!

Me: Guess what does M.B.B.S stand for?

CG: Master of… wait… Bachelor of…. Ummm… Bachelor of Medicine?

Me: That’s not it! Guess again?

CG: Master of something and Bachelor of Medicine?

Me: It’s an undergraduate course. Masters wont appear in the title.

CG: What does the M.B in M.B.B.S. stand for?

Me: Master of Bastards! 

(I start rolling on the floor, laughing)

CG: Damn! Why is this so hard?

Me: Fine! It’s Bachelor of Medicine, Bachelor of Surgery. 

CG: Then it should be B.M.B.S! 

Me: Yeah, that sounds lame. So they reversed the first two letters. Now, M.B.B.S. sounds way cooler!

CG: Did I just…….. get trolled?! Dafaq!