Text Much?

All of us from office had gone partying on a Friday night after work. By the end of the night, DJ was smashed drunk. Thankfully, he lived walking distance from that club.

*Perks of living in Indiranagar*

*DJ starts to head home*

*Couldn’t even walk staright*

Me: Hey!

DJ: What…?

Me: Do you need a lift?

DJ: No…. I’m good!

Me: You can’t even walk straight!

DJ: So? You can’t arrest me for that!

Me: Fair enough…

DJ: Alright, bye then!

Me: Text me when you reach!

DJ: No!

Me: Why not?

DJ: We aren’t sleeping together, ok? So there’s no need to text! Ok?

Me: Ummmm… Alright… But still, text me. Ok?

DJ: If we ain’t f***ing, I ain’t texting!

Me: Oh, god….

DJ: Yeah… That’s why!

Me: ??????

eric marshall

Yes, DJ reached home safely that night and survived to drink another day!

The Nirvana Kingslayer!

*On a date*

*Wearing my Kingslayer T-shirt*

Date: Blah..Blah..Blah..

Me: Blah..Blah..Blah..

Date: Blah..Blah..Blah..

Me: Blah..Blah..Blah..

Date: Blah..Blah..Blah..

Me: Blah..Blah..Blah..

Date: By the way….

Me: Yeah?

Date: I love your Nirvana T-Shirt!

Me: My what?

*Pointing at my T-shirt*

Date: Your Nirvana T-shirt! The one that you’re wearing right now! I love Kurt Cobain!

Me: Ummm…. That’s Jaime Lannister!

Date: Who?

Me: The Kingslayer!

Date: Who?

Me: Do you even watch The Game of Thrones?

Date: Nope! Never! No time for that!

Me: ……….

*Awkward Silence*

jaime-lannister

The Jailbait!

I was at NH7 Weekender, Bangalore. AR Rahman was playing and the atmosphere was electric. I had just met this cute chick near the bar area, we got talking and we headed to watch AR Rahman together.

*AR Rahman starts playing*

Cute Chick: OMG! OMG! OMG! It’s AR!

Me: Yeah….. I know, I can see!

Cute Chick: OMG! OMG! It’s like a dream come true!

*She then proceeds to jump and wave her hands for the next ten minutes*

Me: Jeez! Calm down!

Cute Chick: I can’t! I’m just too excited!

Me: Oh god! How old are you? 21?

Cute Chick: Ummmmmm…. Yes….

Me: Oh….

Cute Chick: Yeah…..

*Awkward Silence*

*After what seemed like an eternity*

Me: So yeah…. AR Rahman is killing it!

Cute Chick: I know, right!

*Disaster Averted!*

st-lucia-help-me-run-away

 

Got Sanitizer?

Till about 8-9 years ago, I had no idea what a sanitizer was. I just assumed that it was a women’s hygiene product. You know, because of the word sanitary in it.

On numerous occasions, My Gf (back then) mentioned the word sanitizer and of course it didn’t make any sense to me. But then again, I was too embarrassed to ask her about it.

Scene #1

Her:  Instead of carrying napkins, I carry a sanitizer. It’s so much easy to carry.

Me: Ummmm… Ok….

 

Scene #2

Her: Sometimes I like playing with my sanitizer.

Me: Errrrr…. Why?

Her: Because it smells really nice…

Me: Ummmmm… Ok…

 

Scene #3

Me: Man, I forgot to get a handkerchief! Now I have to wipe my hands on my jeans!

Her: Don’t do that!

Me: Do you have wet wipes?

Her: No but I have a sanitizer.

Me: And what’s it supposed to do?

Her: Here!

*Pulls out a little bottle and squirts some clear gel like thing on to my palms*

Me: Errrrr….

Her: Now rub your palms together!

Me: Wow… My hands… are clean!

Her: See! Carrying a sanitizer at all times helps!

Me: So that’s what a sanitizer is!

Her: Huh? What did you think it was?

Me: Something like a sanitary pad?

Her: #Facepalm

 

reaction-lauging-lold

Yes, that really happened!

 

That Burn!

Talking to my friend ANJ about my obsession with graphic t-shirts.

Me: I’m into graphic t-shirts.

ANJ: Uh…Huh…

Me: Check my X-men t-shirt!

ANJ: Uh….Huh…

Me: What? It’s pretty awesome!

ANJ: You know…

Me: What?

ANJ: Unless you’re a chick, no one really gives a shit about what’s on your t-shirt!

Me: Ouch….

ANJ: Yup…..

#Burn

burn

Tequila, Mi Amor!

I was at The Humming Tree for a concert and I happen to run into some of my old college buddies. I got pretty excited on seeing them, lots of hugs going around and other weird male bonding stuff. Probably because I was four beers down. Anyways, I was feeling happy and I ordered a round of tequila for everyone.

Yeah, not a smart idea.

Me: Cheers everyone!

College Buddy: Cheers!

*After 20 mins*

Me: Buy us a round of beer, buddy!

College Buddy: Actually, I’m not drinking tonight!

Me: What! How come?

College Buddy: Well, I quit drinking!

Me: Why?

College Buddy: Just staying sober!

Me: Alright then, I won’t force you!

College Buddy: Cool man!

Me: Alright, catch ya later!

*After 30 mins*

Me: What the…. He just drank the tequila that I bought for him! That S.O.B! He said that he quit drinking!

*That MOFO*

taylor-swift-same-lmao-i-love-her

When Bae Is Mad!

JK and his girlfriend JS fight a lot. Like, a lot! I’m guessing that their post-fight make up sex is really hot. Otherwise, I have no idea why anyone would fight like this.  Anyways, whenever they fight, you can feel a storm brewing under the surface and never know when it might explode.

We were en route to a camp site near Mysore called Tonnur at about 8 in the night. It’s about 3 hours drive from Bangalore.

Me: This is fun. Driving in the night, on the highway.

JS: I love long drives in the night.

JK: Hmmmm…

Me: I miss the good old days. Around 2011, everyone in my friends circle had brought a car and all of us used to go on drives on Sunday.

JS: I used to do that with my friends too!

Me: We did that very regularly till the petrol prices skyrocketed. After that, driving just for fun seemed like a waste of money. 

JS: We used to hire a cab and go on a drive on the highway after clubbing and then visit a Cafe Coffee Day on the highway. We would be high and the cool breeze on the highway would be so soothing!

Me: Yeah… I miss that feeling. 

JS: Me too! I wish we could do something like that very often. 

JK: That’s such a stupid f***ing idea!

JS: Why? What’s wrong with it? Not everyone likes getting smashed at every party! So smashed that they can’t even talk properly!

JK: It’s a stupid idea to drive after drinking! It’s so stupid! Are you still in college? Stop living in the past!

JS We don’t drink and drive, alright! We hire a cab!

JK: It’s a waste of money!

JS: Yeah, whatever!

Me: Ummmmmm… What’s happenning?

JK: Dude! She crashed my car!

JS: No, I didn’t! He hit the car against the pillar next to his car park!

Me: Really?

JK: Dude! It’s common sense ok! 

Me: What is?

JK: There was parking available in lot no. 12 and no.14 and she parked it between at no. 13!

Me: Ummmmm…. Ok…

JK: Who does that! No wonder my car got damaged! While taking the car out, it hit the pillar!

JS: While YOU were DRIVING!

JK: Who parks in an unlucky slot! It’s common sense! Isn’t it dude?

Me: I. Can’t.Even.Imagine. 

 

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