The Underwear Conundrum!

I just got home from the gym and I happened to wearing my pro-fit.

This is what a pro-fit looks like:

Since everyone puts up a selfie after the session at the gym!

A photo posted by The Kolesmeister (@kolesmeister) on

Dad was at the dining table when I walked in.

Dad: Is that a pro-fit?

Me: Yes.

Dad: Where did you buy it from?

Me: Decathalon.

Dad: How much?

Me: 700.

Dad: That’s a good deal.

Me: I guess. 

Dad: Why do you wear a pro-fit?

Me: Because it’s cold outside. And I wasn’t wearing a dry fit tee, so I’m wearing this. 

Dad: You could just wear the pro-fit and go to the gym right?

Me: Not, really.

Dad: Why not?

Me: Because a pro-fit is supposed to be worn under the t-shirt!

Dad: Look at it! You don’t need a t-shirt after wearing this!

Me: Just because a boxer covers your balls, does that mean you could step outside the house in them?

Dad: Errrrr…. No..

Me: Exactly. The same reason applies here. 

Dad: Ok. Since you put it this way.

Me: Yes, touche indeed.

Dad: ????? 

like_a_boss
 

Being Circumcised!

Earlier this year, I was in my beard growing phase. Well, I had decided that I will keep changing my beard style every two months. This was during those two months.

Anyhow, I was at my usual Bong family get-together. Bong as in Bengali, not the one you smoke with.

Some of mom’s friends complimented me on the beard but of them a major issue with my beard.

She: What is that thing growing on your face?

Me: You mean my manly beard?

She: No, that pubic hair on your face!

Me: Ouch! Is that yours look like?

#Burn

She: Oh, you think you’re very smart, don’t you?

Me: Maybe?

She: Fine. Whatever!

Me: Yeah. Whatever.

She: You look like a Muslim cleric.

Me: Eh?

She: Yeah, grow beards as long as yours!

Me: No, they don’t. And I have a moustache! They don’t! 

She: Almost same no!

Me: So?

She: Fine, there is one more difference.

Me: What?

She: Your d*ck isn’t circumcised!

Me: What? Fine.

#Burn

She got me there. What a burn. I shall have my revenge!

This is what I looked like:

This is my “I work in an ad agency” look. #bored #monday #office #beard #beardo #bangalore #selfie #glasses

A photo posted by The Kolesmeister (@kolesmeister) on

The year so far:

dc5b9bb4-310f-43bd-8d07-d63db911ffaa

Holi Is Not A Holiday!

*Chilling at home with my brother*

Him: So what plans on Holi?

Me: Nothing really. The usual. Make bhang, then drink it and play Holi.

Him: The entire day?

Me: No, only in the evening.

Him: And the rest of the day?

Me: I’ve office.

Him: What??!

Me: What?

Him: We have office on Holi?

Me: Yes.

Him: Since when?

Me: Since always!

Him: What? Holi isn’t a national holiday?

Me: Nope!

Him: What! My entire life has been a lie!

Me: Not like you celebrate Holi!
Him: So?

Me: Nevermind.

Him: This is bullshit! Just pure bullshit! No holiday on Holi!

*Storms off*

Here’s what really happened:

 

Breaking dreams be like…. #holi #bro #conversation #thursday #bangalore #instavideo

A video posted by The Kolesmeister (@kolesmeister) on

Being Mughal And All…

I was craving for some Mughlai biryani.

Me: Man, I wanna have some Mughlai biryani for lunch!

Bro: Go for it!

Me: Why isn’t there a Lazeez near our house?

Bro: I know right?

Me: Looks like we have no other choice than going to Esplanade!

Bro: Why Explanade?

Me: Because they have Mughlai biryani!

Bro: Since when? 

Me: Since forever!

Bro: But it’s a Bengali restaurant!

Me: I know! And they serve Mughlai biryani!

Bro: So we’re basically Mughlai? Descendants of the Mughals?

Me: Dafaq did you smoke? 

Bro: Eh?

supernatural-dean-winchester-facepalm

Honey. Mustard. Mayo.

Mom and I were making dips for starters at home.

Me: Here, try this…

Mom: Yummy! It’s delicious!

*Dad enters the scene*

Dad: Give me some too!

Me: Here!

Dad: Yummy! What is it?

Me: Honey Mustard Mayo!

Dad: What does it have?

Me: It’s Honey Mustard Mayo!

Dad: So… What did you make it with?

Me: Well…. Honey… Mustard and Mayonnaise…

Dad: Oh nice…

Me: #Facepalm

 

what-did-you-just-say

Up In The Air

The whole family was out for lunch. We decided to go to Church Street Social and by the time we were done, we were pretty tipsy. Dad was decently drunk, I know that because when he’s drunk, he talks a lot. Like, a lot!

So on the way back, there were loads of a-hole motorists who kept on coming in my way. Not the type to back down, me and my bro were taking turns flipping them off. I was driving, my bro was in the passenger’s seat while my parents were in the back.

After a while…

Dad: Why are you both pointing at the roof from time to time?

*Bro, Mom and Me gave my dad dirty looks*

Me: Really? Are you seriously asking me that?

Dad: Yeah, why are pointing to the roof? Are you signal something to those motorists?

Mom: Yes, they are pointing to the roof… Like calling the gods to save them!

Dad: Ah ok…

*After five mins*

Dad: Ah ok! Got it! You were flipping them off!!!

Me: You’d think???

Dad: No comments….

*Blam*

wait-what-gif