Classic Misdirection – 2

Thank god for misdirections! I’ve lost count, the number of times, I had to use one to get out of an awkward conversation.

I was at a friends wedding and I happen to ran into an old friend, PIC. A bit of a background info: I had a friends circle which had PIC, PIC’s brother and another friend of mine, TM. PIC’s brother and TM were dating at that time. After they broke up, we all took sides and I sided with TM, hence losing contact with PIC and his brother over the last two years. Also his IQ is lower than Steve Carell in Anchorman : The Legend Of Ron Burgundy.

He managed to corner me at the wedding, the conversation ranging from work, life, relationships and so on. Then the conversation started drifting towards his brother and his break up with TM (the break up was hilarious, in my opinion).

PIC: Hey, so you still in touch with TM?

Me: Yeah, we’re still in touch. 

PIC: That’s nice. You know, I missing hanging out with the old gang.

Me: Hmmmm, yeah, me too…. 

PIC: TM and I used to be good friends, you know. 

Me: Uh huh….

PIC: In fact, I introduced her to my brother..

Me: Yeah…

PIC: I dunno what went wrong. After their break up, she cut all contacts with me as well.

Me: Yeah, I know.

PIC: I can’t believe she could do that! I mean we were close man. 

Me: People move on, you should do the same.

PIC: I’ll tell you what, when we get back to Bangalore, why don’t the three of us go out? Just like old times!

Me: Errrrrr, I’m kinda busy these days….(TM hates the brothers, btw). 

PIC: C’mon man! For old times sake! 

Me: Hey! Have you noticed that the bride has got a tattoo on her left boob?!

PIC: Huh? Really?

Me: Yeah, see there!

PIC: Oh yeah..!

Me: Ok, gotta go. Nice meeting you!

PIC: Where you….. 

*I escaped! Like a boss*

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The Agony Aunt – 3

I receive a call from CG.

CG: Hey! Listen, I need some help!

Me: No!

CG: Dude, it’s about…

Me: No!

CG: Listen, it’s something else!

Me: No!

CG: Listen for a second! 

Me: No!

CG: Stop saying no!

Me: No! And this might sound like me hanging up but….

*The line goes dead*

CG: Aaaaaaaaaaahhhhhhhhh! F!@$ing Archer

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Hell Hath No Fury Like A Woman Scorned

My friend, PGS sends me a text.

PGS: Hey! I read your blog post.

Me: Which one?

PGS: Why? Why? Why? 

Me: Liked it?

PGS: Well, who is this SP that you have mentioned?

Me: Someone. You don’t know her.

PGS: Are you sure that it’s not me? 

Me: Seesh, narcissistic much?

PGS: Go jump! It’s just you’re always going on about how I need to put make up and I started doing so recently. Hence…

Me: Relax. It’s not you.

PGS: Good. By the way, check out my new Facebook pic.

Me: Uh…huh..

PGS: What?

Me: Nothing.

PGS: Tell me!

Me: It’s nothing.

PGS: Dude, either you tell me right now or I come over to your place and strangle you!

Me: Fine. It’s the lipstick.

PGS: What about it?

Me: Nothing, just an observation.

PGS: Dude! Tell me right now! Is it too much? Or what?

Me: Just saying, you know…

PGS: What? What? What? Tell me! This conversation isn’t over!

Me: Seesh, what shade is that? Crack whore red?

 PGS: Dafaq! I’m gonna kill you! Just wait till I get my hands on you! I’m never ever gonna put make up henceforth! You wait and watch Mister!

Me: Hehehehe

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The TV Show Conundrum

FF comes over to my place to watch TV shows.

FF: Wassup?

Me: Nothing much.

FF: Ok, let’s watch some shows.

Me: What do you wanna watch?

FF: What have you got?

Me: How I Met Your Mother, The Big Bang Theory, Two And A Half Men, Archer, Futurama, American Dad, Coupling

FF: What else?

Me: Family Guy, The Simpsons, Modern Family, Californication, Friends, Joey, House MD, 30 Rock...

FF: Then?

Me: Sherlock, Breaking Bad, That 70’s Show, My Wife And Kids, The Centurions, Swat Kats, Entourage

FF: Ummm, got more?

Me: Psych, Criminal Minds, The Mentalist, Castle, Scream Queens, Beauty And The Geek, Top Gear…..

FF: And?

Me: You gotta be kidding me! Game Of Thrones, Spartacus, Samantha Who, Lost, Arrested Development, Prison Break, The King Of Queens, According To Jim, Hope And Faith, Buffy The Vampire Slayer, Dark Angel… Phew! That’s all I have!

FF: Hmmmm, Do you have MTV Splitsvilla?

MeSplitsvilla?

FF: Yeah, remember that show where…

Me: GET THE F*** OUT OF MY HOUSE!

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PS: MTV Splitsvilla is the Jersey Shore of India.

The Agony Aunt – 2

Same shit. Different day.

CG: You know what my problem is?

Me: Do I look like I care? 

CG: Anyways, blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah…

Me: Uh..huh..

CGblah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah  blah blah blah blah blah and thus it’s all MS’s fault!

Me: In short, you’re a wimp. Right? 

CG: Oh yeah? Well, the pot is calling the kettle black! 

Me: So?

CG: It means…

Me: Whatever it means, deal with it!

CG: Errrrr….

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