Holi Is Not A Holiday!

*Chilling at home with my brother*

Him: So what plans on Holi?

Me: Nothing really. The usual. Make bhang, then drink it and play Holi.

Him: The entire day?

Me: No, only in the evening.

Him: And the rest of the day?

Me: I’ve office.

Him: What??!

Me: What?

Him: We have office on Holi?

Me: Yes.

Him: Since when?

Me: Since always!

Him: What? Holi isn’t a national holiday?

Me: Nope!

Him: What! My entire life has been a lie!

Me: Not like you celebrate Holi!
Him: So?

Me: Nevermind.

Him: This is bullshit! Just pure bullshit! No holiday on Holi!

*Storms off*

Here’s what really happened:

 

Breaking dreams be like…. #holi #bro #conversation #thursday #bangalore #instavideo

A video posted by The Kolesmeister (@kolesmeister) on

Text Much?

All of us from office had gone partying on a Friday night after work. By the end of the night, DJ was smashed drunk. Thankfully, he lived walking distance from that club.

*Perks of living in Indiranagar*

*DJ starts to head home*

*Couldn’t even walk staright*

Me: Hey!

DJ: What…?

Me: Do you need a lift?

DJ: No…. I’m good!

Me: You can’t even walk straight!

DJ: So? You can’t arrest me for that!

Me: Fair enough…

DJ: Alright, bye then!

Me: Text me when you reach!

DJ: No!

Me: Why not?

DJ: We aren’t sleeping together, ok? So there’s no need to text! Ok?

Me: Ummmm… Alright… But still, text me. Ok?

DJ: If we ain’t f***ing, I ain’t texting!

Me: Oh, god….

DJ: Yeah… That’s why!

Me: ??????

eric marshall

Yes, DJ reached home safely that night and survived to drink another day!

Bathroom Woes

*Overheard in office*

Guy 1: Which loo do you use?

Guy 2: As in?

Guy 1: As in, the one in the right corner of the office or the one in the left corner?

Guy 2: I dunno!

Guy 1: What you mean you dunno?

Guy 2: I have issues with both the loos.

Guy 1: Like?

Guy 2: The first one, the flush is so strong that it splashes on my pants!

Guy 1: Yeah! That happened to me too! Plus they had put that Harpic blue thingy and the water was all blue. All of that splashed on my pant and that left a blue stain!

Guy 2: Damn!

Guy 1: Yeah…

Guy 2: The second one, the pressure is too less! I don’t feel confident while flushing. Need to flush a couple of time before things completely disappear!

Guy 1: Yeah man! What to do?

Guy 2: Complain to the Office Manager, I guess?

Guy 1: Yeah… That only

Me: #DafaqDidIHear?

Bill Hader