Great Minds Think Alike

My job requires me to manage brands online. Now the thing is (obviously) depending on the demographic of the brand, you need to tweak the tone of the language that you use. If it’s a high end luxurious product, you need to use big flowery words and if it’s a product for the masses, you need to tone down your language and use words like cool, super, fantastic, etc.

Anyhow, this brand was the sort where the crowd that is active on their Facebook page is very ghati. The types who can’t type a single grammatically correct sentence in English and all of them typ lik dis. You know what I mean, right?

So because of this, we were in a dilemma – We could either make the creatives “cool”, which means whacky fonts, bright colors and the likes or we could design a something classy, which would have sober colors etc. All this was for a promotional event for the brand.

We met the client to discuss the lines of communications and whatever collaterals that the team had designed so far.

Me: Here are some of the creatives that we have designed for the event…

Client: Uh..Huh…

Me: These are the copy that we’ll be using…

Client: Uh..Huh…

Me: I have just one doubt regarding the tone of communication..

Client: Go on…

Me: I took a look at the fans that are active on your Facebook page and based on that we’ll be designing the creatives.

Client: Ok…

Me: Now the thing is that the fans on the Facebook page are…. Ummmm…. How to say it…

Client: Are like chuths?

Me: Exactly! They are!

Client: So go ahead and design something that’s cool and eye catching. Don’t even try to be classy and all that shit!

Me: Ok then! You just made my day!




PS: That event was massive success! :)

Red Bull Gives You Wiiiiings!

Red Bull had recently airdropped crates full of Red Bull across different colleges in Bangalore as part of their Flutag promotion. Ofcourse, this created a lot of buzz on social media. I was discussing this with NJ at work.


Me: Faaaaaaack! Look at the number of red bull cans!

NJ: Hmmmm….

Me: I wanna get my hands on them!

NJ: Hmmmm….

Me: Come! Let’s drive down to that college and get ourselves some free Red Bull!

NJ: How about no?

Me: How about yes?

NJ: I don’t like Red Bull!

Me: What are you saying? Red Bull is the SHIZZZ! The best thing to have to beat a hangover and not to mention Red Bull and Vodka! Killer combination!

NJ: Vodka is yuck! Red Bull tastes like pee.

Me: That is blasphemy! Take it back!

NJ: No!

Me: What do you have against Red Bull?

NJ: I just don’t like Red Bull, ok?

Me: Is it because your girlfriend gets sloshed drunk on Vodka + Red Bull combo? And then you have to take care of her?


Me: It is, isn’t it?


Me: Man, I love your girlfriend when she’s drunk! She’s so much fun! You know what, I’m gonna invite her for drinks on Friday!



Being Chivalrous

I was talking to an acquaintance who was a self proclaimed feminist.

HerSigh…. Chivalry is dead!

Me: Eh? What are you saying? It’s still there!

Her: No way! Chivalrous men are a thing of the past! I don’t remember the last time a man held a door open for me!

Me: You just haven’t met the right man yet!

Her: Oh yeah? When was the last time you opened a door for a lady or let her enter a place first?

Me: Like all the time!

Her: Hmph!

Me: Seriously! I do that all the time! I always hold the door open for women!

Her: And why do you do that?

Me: Because it’s nice… Because it’s chivalrous!

Her: And do you do that only for women or for men also?

Me: I don’t recall… But yeah, if it’s a lady, I’d definitely hold the door open for her.

Her: See! That’s why we need feminism!

Me: Errrr… Why?

Her: Why do you hold the door open only for women? Do you think we can’t open the door for ourselves? Do you think that we’re weak? Do you think that women can’t do things by themselves?

Me: Where did this come from?

Her: All you men are such pigs! We live in such a male dominated society!

Me: Huh? What? Where? Who? When? How?

Her: HMPH!



East or West, Marry First!

My team was out for a coffee break when the office creep decided to join us. For some reason we started talking about homosexuality.

Colleague: So OC, you’re gay right?


Colleague: You sure?


Colleague: But you like lesbian porn?

OC: Yes!

Me: Isn’t that double standards?

OC: How so?

Me: You don’t like gay men but you like lesbian porn.

OC: That’s correct.

Colleague: You know that chick, RL. The one who works in our office?

OC: Yeah…

Colleague: She’s a lesbian. She sleeps with other women.

OC: That’s wrong!

Colleague: Uh…Huh… Because they aren’t married?

OC: Yes! Also pre-marital sex is wrong!

Colleague: Because?

OC: It’s wrong to have to sex before marriage

Me: So, if you a beautiful girl walks upto you and says that she wants to sleep with you, you’ll say no to her?

OC: I’ll marry her first and then have sex with her.

Colleague: Why would she marry you in the first place?

OC: Because after marriage, I’ll sign over my bank account and property in her name.

Me: So basically you’ll luring her with money… Like prostitution?

OC: No, how’s this prostitution?

Me: Because, you’re telling her that you’ll give her money if she sleeps with you!

OC: But I’m marrying her no!

Colleague: What if, she sleeps you and then disappears the next day?

OC (scoffing): Like that will ever happen!

Colleague: If it does, then what?

OC: It’s fine, as long as she has sex with me.

Everyone: Jeez! So if it just boils down to sex, you might as well sleep with girls without marrying them!

OC: No, I’ll NOT have sex before marriage.

Me: You know why we call you the office creep right?

OC: Errrrr….. 


The Downside Of Upside!

The Le Gf and I were having a random conversation.

Le Gf: What do you think will happen if we broke up?

Me: I dunno… Would be awkward I guess..

Le Gf: Why?

Me: Well, we have loads of mutual friends. You get along with all my friends; you’re good friends with most of them. So it would be awkward if they had to choose sides.

 Le Gf: Well, all that won’t matter to me…

Me: Why so?

Le Gf: When I break up with someone, I just cut all contacts with that person, social circle, etc..

MeUh…Huh… Dramatic much?

Le Gf: I’m like this only… When I break up with someone, I’ll just disappear from their life… No drama… No nothing….

Me: Oh my god! That’s the sweetest thing I’ve heard!

Le Gf: Eh?

Me: No drama, no nothing… It’ll be so peaceful!

Le Gf: You bitch!

Me: :P


Being Chom – 2

Same shit, different day.

Sitting outside our regular Mallu bakery.

Me: Have you noticed that Imli Cafe gets a lot of customers through the day?

NJ: Yeah…

Me: That too it’s a vegetarian restaurant!

NJ: I know, right?

Me: Is the food that good?

NJ: Maybe…

Me: Not mention that all the women there are total hotties!

NJ: That means only one thing…

Me: What?

NJ: Most hotties are chom!

Me: Yeah, right….

*After 15 mins*

*A hottie comes out of the cafe and gets into a Gujarat registered car*

Me: Alright, I take that back.

*NJ sees the Gujrat registered car*

NJ: Ha! Told ya! It’s official, all the hotties are choms!

Me: Sigh….