The Downside Of Upside!

The Le Gf and I were having a random conversation.

Le Gf: What do you think will happen if we broke up?

Me: I dunno… Would be awkward I guess..

Le Gf: Why?

Me: Well, we have loads of mutual friends. You get along with all my friends; you’re good friends with most of them. So it would be awkward if they had to choose sides.

 Le Gf: Well, all that won’t matter to me…

Me: Why so?

Le Gf: When I break up with someone, I just cut all contacts with that person, social circle, etc..

MeUh…Huh… Dramatic much?

Le Gf: I’m like this only… When I break up with someone, I’ll just disappear from their life… No drama… No nothing….

Me: Oh my god! That’s the sweetest thing I’ve heard!

Le Gf: Eh?

Me: No drama, no nothing… It’ll be so peaceful!

Le Gf: You bitch!

Me: :P


Being Chom – 2

Same shit, different day.

Sitting outside our regular Mallu bakery.

Me: Have you noticed that Imli Cafe gets a lot of customers through the day?

NJ: Yeah…

Me: That too it’s a vegetarian restaurant!

NJ: I know, right?

Me: Is the food that good?

NJ: Maybe…

Me: Not mention that all the women there are total hotties!

NJ: That means only one thing…

Me: What?

NJ: Most hotties are chom!

Me: Yeah, right….

*After 15 mins*

*A hottie comes out of the cafe and gets into a Gujarat registered car*

Me: Alright, I take that back.

*NJ sees the Gujrat registered car*

NJ: Ha! Told ya! It’s official, all the hotties are choms!

Me: Sigh….


Being Chom

NJ, AM and I were sitting outside our regular Mallu bakery.

Me: Guys?

NJ, AM: Yeah?

Me: I was thinking, could you ever date a chom chick?

AM: Chom as in?

Me: You know, the loud north Indian type. They look really well groomed but the minute they open their mouth, you’d wanna cover your ears!

NJ: Go on….

Me: The type who’d like only listen Yo Yo Honey Singh songs and gets thrashed on one vodka and then their inner chom comes out!

NJ: Hmmmmm…

Me: Basically, your girlfriend is a perfect example of chom, except that she’s like super hot!

NJ: Dude! WTF!?

Me: Just saying, bro….

*After 30 mins*

NJ: Dude!

Me: What?

NJ: Now that you’ve mentioned it, she does come across as chom.

Me: Told ya!

NJ: F*** you, dude!

Me: Eh, why?

NJ: Now, whenever I think about her, your face pops up in my head, saying “CHOM”.

Me: Hahahaha! Good luck with that!

NJ: Bitch!


Death By PJ – 18

This is a Harry Potter special.

NK calls me up.

NK: Dude!

Me: Yeah?

NK: Why did Snape stand in the middle of the road?

Me: Eh? I dunno…

NK: So that no one would know which side he’s on!

Me: Jeez-us!

NK: Want another one?

Me: Sure!

NK: Why did Barty Crouch stop drinking the Polyjuice Potion?

Me: Why?

NK: Because he was becoming Moody!

Me: Oh god, why?

NK: :D


Metrosexual Man!

NK was at my place.

NK: Dude, where’s your loo?

Me: Down the hall, the door on the left.

NK: Cool.

*After a while*

NK: Dude! 

Me: What?

NK: Why do you have so many bottles in your loo?

Me: Errrrrrr, because I use them?

NK: Jeez, you have like two different scrubs and three different body washes!

Me: Your point being?

NK: You’ve got more cosmetics than me!

Me: So?

NK: Dude, you’ve got better cosmetics than me!


NK: I’m going to borrow some from you! It’s not like you’re going to miss any, you have so many of them!

Me: #FML


No Favoritism Please!

At office. Allocating clients to the sales guy.

Me: Alright, so you take Client A, Client B and Client C. 

Sales Guy: How about no?

Me: What?

Sales Guy: I don’t want those clients. Give it to Blah 1 or Blah 2!

Me: What do you mean by you don’t want them?

Sales Guy: It’s inconvenient for me!

Me: Sorry?

Colleague: Let me elaborate.

Me: Sure, humor me….

 Colleague: He chooses his client based on two factors…

Me: Which are?

Colleague: Distance from his house and distance from his girlfriends house. 

Me: What crap?

Sales Guy: Seriously dude! See, Client X – Next to girlfriends house, Client – Y – On the way to my house from office and Client – Z – You get the drift right?

Me: I can’t believe this! What if your girlfriend moves?

Sales Guy: I’ll change my clients accordingly! 

Me: Jeez!

Sales Guy: Relax boss, ab ki baar, Modi sarkar!

Me: Eh, that doesn’t even make sense! 

Sales Guy: Exactly!

Me: #Facepalm!