The Le Gf and I were having a random conversation.
Le Gf: What do you think will happen if we broke up?
Me: I dunno… Would be awkward I guess..
Le Gf: Why?
Me: Well, we have loads of mutual friends. You get along with all my friends; you’re good friends with most of them. So it would be awkward if they had to choose sides.
Le Gf: Well, all that won’t matter to me…
Me: Why so?
Le Gf: When I break up with someone, I just cut all contacts with that person, social circle, etc..
Me: Uh…Huh… Dramatic much?
Le Gf: I’m like this only… When I break up with someone, I’ll just disappear from their life… No drama… No nothing….
Me: Oh my god! That’s the sweetest thing I’ve heard!
Le Gf: Eh?
Me: No drama, no nothing… It’ll be so peaceful!
Le Gf: You bitch!
Same shit, different day.
Sitting outside our regular Mallu bakery.
Me: Have you noticed that Imli Cafe gets a lot of customers through the day?
Me: That too it’s a vegetarian restaurant!
NJ: I know, right?
Me: Is the food that good?
Me: Not mention that all the women there are total hotties!
NJ: That means only one thing…
NJ: Most hotties are chom!
Me: Yeah, right….
*After 15 mins*
*A hottie comes out of the cafe and gets into a Gujarat registered car*
Me: Alright, I take that back.
*NJ sees the Gujrat registered car*
NJ: Ha! Told ya! It’s official, all the hotties are choms!
CG calls me up.
CG: What’s the most sold cheese in Bangalore?
Me: How would I know?
Me: I give up!
CG: “Gowda” cheese! Get it?
NJ, AM and I were sitting outside our regular Mallu bakery.
NJ, AM: Yeah?
Me: I was thinking, could you ever date a chom chick?
AM: Chom as in?
Me: You know, the loud north Indian type. They look really well groomed but the minute they open their mouth, you’d wanna cover your ears!
NJ: Go on….
Me: The type who’d like only listen Yo Yo Honey Singh songs and gets thrashed on one vodka and then their inner chom comes out!
Me: Basically, your girlfriend is a perfect example of chom, except that she’s like super hot!
NJ: Dude! WTF!?
Me: Just saying, bro….
*After 30 mins*
NJ: Now that you’ve mentioned it, she does come across as chom.
Me: Told ya!
NJ: F*** you, dude!
Me: Eh, why?
NJ: Now, whenever I think about her, your face pops up in my head, saying “CHOM”.
Me: Hahahaha! Good luck with that!
This is a Harry Potter special.
NK calls me up.
NK: Why did Snape stand in the middle of the road?
Me: Eh? I dunno…
NK: So that no one would know which side he’s on!
NK: Want another one?
NK: Why did Barty Crouch stop drinking the Polyjuice Potion?
NK: Because he was becoming Moody!
Me: Oh god, why?
NK was at my place.
NK: Dude, where’s your loo?
Me: Down the hall, the door on the left.
*After a while*
NK: Why do you have so many bottles in your loo?
Me: Errrrrrr, because I use them?
NK: Jeez, you have like two different scrubs and three different body washes!
Me: Your point being?
NK: You’ve got more cosmetics than me!
NK: Dude, you’ve got better cosmetics than me!
NK: I’m going to borrow some from you! It’s not like you’re going to miss any, you have so many of them!
At office. Allocating clients to the sales guy.
Me: Alright, so you take Client A, Client B and Client C.
Sales Guy: How about no?
Sales Guy: I don’t want those clients. Give it to Blah 1 or Blah 2!
Me: What do you mean by you don’t want them?
Sales Guy: It’s inconvenient for me!
Colleague: Let me elaborate.
Me: Sure, humor me….
Colleague: He chooses his client based on two factors…
Me: Which are?
Colleague: Distance from his house and distance from his girlfriends house.
Me: What crap?
Sales Guy: Seriously dude! See, Client X – Next to girlfriends house, Client – Y – On the way to my house from office and Client – Z – You get the drift right?
Me: I can’t believe this! What if your girlfriend moves?
Sales Guy: I’ll change my clients accordingly!
Sales Guy: Relax boss, ab ki baar, Modi sarkar!
Me: Eh, that doesn’t even make sense!
Sales Guy: Exactly!