The Greatest Gift!

After my birthday.

Me: Wow, my birthday was such a treat!

Le Gf: I’m glad that you liked it.

Me: Thanks for everything!

Le Gf: You’re welcome!

Me: Now that you’ve set the expectation so high, I’ll have to better that on your birthday!

Le Gf: That’s fine babe, I really don’t want anything!

Me: You sure?

Le Gf: Totally!

*The next day*

Le Gf: You know….

Me: What?

Le Gf: If you really get me something for my birthday….

Me: Go on….

Le Gf: Get me that truck from Death Race!

Me: What?

Le Gf: This:

Death_race_dragon

Me: #Facepalm!

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There’s No Such Thing As Too Many Dates!

Driving back home from a house party.

JK: Dude!

Me: Yeah?

JK: Dude, that hot chick took my number!

Me: Awesome!

JK: No dude! She wants to meet at Humming Tree later this week.

Le Gf: So what’s the problem?

Me: What’s your problem exactly?

JK: Ummmmm….

Le Gf: Are you broke?

JK: Yeah…

Me: How broke?

JK: Very broke!

Me: Jeez… Fine tell her that you don’t wanna drink, smoke some weed instead!

Le Gf: Yeah, as simple as that!

JK: Don’t have money for that too!

Le Gf: How broke are you?

Me: Dude, she’s got weed on her. Cool?

JK: How’d you know?

Me: Cos I asked her to roll for me, earlier today!

JK: Awesome! It’s set then!

Le Gf: You’re such a schmuck!

Me: It’s JK, what did you expect?

JK: Chu…!

Me: :P

 

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The LG Flatron!

At a house party.

Me: Guess what?

Le Gf: What?

Me: We’re doing  a couple of posters on prevention of sexual harassment for your office.

Le Gf: Yuck, really?

Me: Yup!

Le Gf: And..?

Me: The concept is that, there will be picture of me, telling people what constitutes as a “good touch” and what’s a “bad touch”.

Le Gf: Really?

Me: Yup!

Le Gf: Dude… If this thing shows up at my office, I’m gonna break up with you!

Me: What? Why?

Le Gf: Can you imagine? I’d have to tell people that the guy in the sexual harassment poster is my boyfriend!

Me: So what’s the downside?

Le Gf: YOU ARE NOT GOING AHEAD WITH THIS STUPID IDEA OF YOURS! GOT IT?

Me: Jeez…. Drama queen much?

Le Gf: Hmph!

Me: It’s a joke, alright?

Le Gf: Thank god!

Me: Where’s your sense of humor? 

Le Gf: That was gross, ok?

Me: We’re going to use a flat design, alright?

Le Gf: What’s that?

Me: It’s a design principle.

Le Gf: So you people use only flat chested models for the pictures? Is that what flat design is all about? 

Me: #ROLFMAO!

Le Gf: What?

Me: No, you dumbass! 

Le Gf: What the f***?

Me: Flat design means that it’s a minimalist design with bright colors. The picture looks flat as opposed to having a 3-D like appearance. Comprende?

Le Gf: Oh…. My bad..

Me: No shit, Sherlock!

Le Gf: Bitch..

 

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Expectations Vs Reality

At a house party.

NM: If you had the money, what cool thing would you buy?

Me: Hmmmmm…. Let’s see….

NM: Dude, money is no object…

Me: Hmmmmm, alright, I’d like to buy a Segway!

NM: Alright! Now we’re talking!

*Le Gf thinking to herself*

Le Gf: Segway? Must be like a sexy car like a Mustang or something!

*Turns to me*

Le Gf: Show me a pic!

Me: Here!

segway

 

Le Gf: What the f*** is this sh*t?

Me: Errrrrr, it’s a Segway!

Le Gf: It’s not a Mustang? 

Me: Errrrr, no?

Le Gf: You were up there, now you’re down here!

Me: Ummm….

Le Gf: And I’d thought that’ll I do you in the Mustang…

Me: Alright….

Le Gf: And I thought that you were cool….

Me: #FML! 

 

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Run Dude, Run!

I used to think that I could strike up a conversation with a random stranger anywhere. Sadly, I’ve realized that I can do that only do that when I’m drunk.

Sucks, doesn’t it?

Scene: Lunchtime, at McDonalds.

I was sitting all alone and having lunch when this gorgeous lady joins me at my table. We ate our lunch in complete silence, looking everywhere except at each other. To be honest, I tried to make eye contact, smile and start a random conversation, but yeah, that plan failed miserably. So I resigned to my fate and ate my lunch in complete silence. Before leaving, I thought I should tell her that it was the most awkward lunch I’d ever had.

*I get up*

Me: Yeah, that was the most awkward lunch I’d ever had! 

Lady: Eh? 

Me: I said, “this is the most awkward lunch I’d ever had”!

Lady: Who? Whaaaa? 

Me: Shit! 

Lady: Excuse me?

*Time to run*

*I was out of there before you could say egg-foo-yung*

Later that day.

Me: Ok Google.

Phone: Yes?

Me: Note to self. 

Phone: Go on..

Me: Never ever ever try to a make a conversation when sober!

Phone: Right back at ya!

 

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Like Flowers Of The Ocean!

NM and me were chilling at the Le Gf’s house.

Le Gf: We should all go out for brunch!

Me: Uh…Huh…

Le Gf: Seriously! 

NM: Totally! Where’d you wanna go?

Le Gf: Anyplace that’s got a really good spread!

NM: Well there are a few…. Like Vivanta!

Me: Yeah, Vivanta’s good…

Le Gf: Meh! How about we source some deals on Groupon

NM: We could do that too! I heard Ista is good!

Me: I’m still up for Vivanta!

Le Gf: Actually, you know what?

Me: What?

Le Gf: We should just go to Shiro

Me: Ummmm… Alright…

NM: Sounds good…

Me: Babe, NM is a vegetarian…. What is he going to eat at Shiro?

Le Gf: Dude! Fish are basically the flowers of the ocean! Flowers are vegetables, no? 

Me: ROLFMAO!

NM: Errrrrrrr…….

 

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